Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: need advice - rents never gave us promised wedding gift
my parents didn't give me a card for my wedding, and i'm a-okay with that! imo, unless you paid for all your meals growing up and the bills for your clothes, etc., etc., i would tell them that i understood that they are struggling financially and to not worry about the money. then i would get a plan together with my dh and figure out how to pay off the balance myself.
if you're a close family, then help them out by taking this burden off their already financially strapped shoulders. i assume they gave you a nice home to grow up in and you didn't go without meals, so at a time when they are struggling (and that can't be fun while getting closer and closer to retirement), why would you even worry about what you're "owed"? i just don't get it.
Your parents are having financial difficulties. Obviously they have not yet gotten back into a good financial position yet.
DON'T bring it up now - or ever! In fact you may never get that promised gift.
You do not know if their Christmas was done on credit cards.
You are supposedly a grown up now - pay for your own life. Having more "spending " money - is YOUR responsibility - not theirs.
You are sounding whiney and spoiled.
I would not even mention this to them. It sounds like they helped pay for the wedding, was that not a good enough gift?
Drop it.
IMO.
I got married 4 months ago, too. My parents paid for my wedding, but even if they hadn't, it wouldn't have changed my position.
They told me they would buy us a bedroom set. They never did. I never brought it up. Now, because of the financial situation DH and I are in, we can't buy anything. Well, I sleep on an OLD mattress, and I'm talking my dead grandmother got this mattress when she got married in like 1940, and my husband sleeps downstairs on the couch.
Does it suck? Yes. Do I have a choice? No. No one has to buy me anything. And I would never ever ask for an update on whether or not they were getting me the bedroom set.
Angel Baby grew wings on 7/15/2011 at 7w.
You are deluding yourself.
If you don't care about the money, you wouldn't feel the need to ask about it. Period.
Wow. My dad didn't get us a wedding gift, that bastard! Oh wait...he paid for my entire wedding without batting an eye. That's one hell of a gift if you ask me. I even told him not to get me a Christmas gift because the wedding was gift enough already (I got married this past October).
My MIL on the other hand, contributed in no way whatsoever to the wedding aside from trying to invite every last person she knows (a 50+ person list after being told we wanted a total headcount of about 100) and complain about having to buy a new dress. She did not buy us a gift, card, anything. Was I pissed? You bet. Did I say anything about it to her? As much as I wanted to, I didn't. While I found it to be rude and in poor taste, I can't force my opinions on her and I can't expect her to do something just because I think it's the proper thing to do. Anything other than just letting it go would be counterproductive. I suggest you do the same.
I can't tell if you are intimating that your parents paid the portion of your wedding that the two of you did not pay?
Personally, I understand feeling hurt by their comment of having had other things on their plate. Yet, at the same time, I feel that being hurt by it is a little self-focused. The opportunity was lost for you to then show an interest in what was overtaking them.
When they brought up, at a later date, presenting you with a gift in the future - did you respond with anything that could be taken as, "Oh, you don't have to?"
I'm also confused by your statement about being a close family when it is juxtaposed to your statement about being scared to death of their reaction, and of how following up would be seen/taken as confrontational by both you and they.
Personally, I don't know the etiquette on following up. For *me* it would feel in bad taste to follow up on a gift. They might delay their gift for up to a year per some Emily Post type rule of thumb. (That would go for the card, too, I would imagine.) Once you have an inkling that the gift was going to be in a monetary form while at the same time knowing that their excuse has been financial instability....that makes it doubly off limits. Whether they choose to handle their finances as you would, or in a manner which you would consider wise, is none of your business unless you are dealing with a loan type situation, which this clearly is not. So, while I can appreciate taking notice of their Christmas spending habits, it doesn't really come into play here - although it seems as if it should.