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motherfuccking glitter
This got kind of long, so I put it in a new post instead of in the random post. Also because I'm a postwhore. WHAT. It's not like there are too many posts in a day.
Last night Lorne offered to do bedtime so I could take a bath, since I mentioned I hadn't taken a bath since before Evie was born. I had a nice smelling bath melt thing from Lush that a friend gave me and I was excited about sitting in a nice smelling tub with my book for awhile.
I'm reading the Hunger Games, and I'm rather engrossed in the story (OMG PEETA OR GALE?!), and then I look and realize the bathtub, while nice smelling, is filled with motherfuccking GLITTER. The seemingly innocuous bath melt that just smelled like vanilla when I dropped it in the water exploded in a horrible fuccking glitterbomb and I'm coated in it. My left arm is iridescent when I lift it out of the water and I look like a distant cousin of the creatures from Avatar. When I drained the tub it looked like a disco ball. I then took a shower, scrubbed myself down and shaved my legs, and it still didn't get all the glitter off me. I didn't even have my boobs in the water but when I went to feed Evie later there was glitter all over my damn nipple and I had to scrub it off. When I got up from the chair I was sitting in there was a streak of glitter on the armrest and on the ottoman where my feet were resting.
This morning while I was getting Evie dressed I found glitter on her face. It's on my jacket and pants. I have glitter dandruff flaking out of my hair. There was glitter on the granola bar I was eating at work. My body is no longer irridescent but I'm still coated in the stuff. I will probably have iridescent poop.
I may be reading a book for teenagers but I don't want to look like a goddamn tween. I can't think of any reason to have that much fuccking glitter in anything, let alone something you're using in your bathtub, where you would probably like to come out feeling vaguely clean. They should put a warning on the packaging. "CONTAINS AN ASSLOAD OF GODDAMN GLITTER, WHICH WILL PERMEATE YOUR EXISTENCE AND RUIN YOUR LIFE. USE AT OWN RISK."
Re: motherfuccking glitter
You're a VAMPIRE!
I don't understand the love for Lush. That place makes me want to barf then enter a smell induced seizure when i walk past it
Book Review Blog
If I were a man (or fitty) I'd totally call my penis THE WIZARD - HappyTummy
This image has me giggling*
* I was only picturing the poof part because I didn't really want to dwell too long on the Noisy and Lorne having sex part of the image.
Thank you, Kristen. Thank you.
Your friend must think you're a stripper.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
I love this post. And Kristen's response. That's all.
ETA: And this. I love this the most of all:
"Once I got a bath bomb that, once exploded, filled the tub with confetti. Little sharp metallic pieces of confetti. The product description said nothing about confetti. Oh look, there's a tiny, sharp metallic blue star stabbing me in the labia. HOW RELAXING."
"Once I got a bath bomb that, once exploded, filled the tub with confetti. Little sharp metallic pieces of confetti. The product description said nothing about confetti. Oh look, there's a tiny, sharp metallic blue star stabbing me in the labia. HOW RELAXING. " - NoisyPenguin
I don't even understand. Who wants to be coated in glitter? And the confetti blows my mind. It's not relaxing to have to clean confetti out of the bathtub to make sure I don't clog the drain.
Lush gives me a headache. Now I'm kind of glad.
The nerve!
House | Blog
I really liked Hunger Games, and the next two books were just as entertaining!
I also have a hatred of glitter. I hate opening presents with it on the paper or in bows (how ungrateful am I?) and I hate getting cards with it so when you open the mail, you have a pile of glitter at your feet. I hate when makeup companies kind of sneak it in eyeshadow so your lids turn into a shimmery nightmare. After christmas, I also had the problem of finding glitter on my boobs and Jack's face, and that's just from bows and whatnot. I didn't even soak in a glitterbath.
I just went there for the first time yesterday and got some soap...now I wish I had gotten a bath bomb for the kids- they would love that insanity-I just thought they scented the water- I didn't realize they exploded!
I took a shower last night with Karma soap.. it is so strong smelling (I like things that smell strongly as long as I like the smell..)
very hippie. very yummy
so, when they explode...is it like...exciting?
This reminds me of a joke that Demetri Martin does.. The thing about glitter is, if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever 'cause glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Edie - the bath bombs don't really explode explode, but they do fizzle up. The kids would probably think it's neat.
And this wasn't even a bomb, it was just a thing that's supposed to give you soft skin or whatever. I wish I could find it on their website so I could see if it gives you any sort of warning about the ridiculous amount of glitter it contains.
I once bought a bottle of lotion - plain old, put on after a shower, type of lotion. I was a shimmering beast after the first application. I looked all over that damn bottle to see where exactly it said that they included large flecks of glitter. That warning was nowhere to be found.
Who are the marketing geniuses that decided that women really should sparkle like a f*cking disco ball? I would hope that they too would be able to glow in the dark.
I feel your pain Noisy.
omg.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_ioDNdVz4k&feature=related
who wants a bath with THIS??
Glitter is called "raver scabies" for a reason.
The confetti explosion is making me giggle. Ka-BOOM!
Please report back on your poop.
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
You can at least see the confetti and crap in that one before you put it in. The one I had with confetti had the confetti all hidden in the middle. I think it was supposed to be exciting or something that all the blue star crap came out at the end. But it wasn't. It just scratched me in unpleasant places.
OMG. I just got to the end of the video. WHY ARE THERE STREAMERS?!
I had never even heard of Lush until two days ago. Apparently there isn't one within 150 miles of here.
It's really too bad, I've always want to vajazzle my entire body.
Umm that's just gross. If I didn't know that was going to happen I would be freaked the f out. I think it's the streamers that put me over the edge.
No gyno appointment. I have yet to hold a mirror up to my crotch to see what the damage is down there, but I did advise Lorne against the oral sex last night.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
My SIL put glitter on her skin for Christmas Eve service. She is 31 years old. My brain does not compute this.
I'm sorry for your glitter-plosion.
That video is really gross. Seriously, isn't the point of a bath to get that sh*t off of you?
I bought Andy some bath "finger paint" soaps. I tried opening the bottle and putting it in his bath and he wigged the fu(k out. I suppose this Lush stuff (a brand/store I have never heard of before this thread) isn't for my kid either.
GAH. As I was signing for some paper, the delivery guy was all, "Oh hey, you've got some stuff on your forehead. It's like...it's like glitter or something." Time to go scrub my face with a papertowel in the bathroom.