September 2010 Weddings
LauraT25
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Let's talk.
Recently I've heard a lot of people say that this board is cliquey. I don't really agree. I think the TK board was much more cliquey, since there were a lot more posters and some of us had inside jokes, and it did seem like some posters talked amongst themselves and others didn't get as much attention. This board, IMO, is so dead that there's no way to have cliques - there are like 6 people that post and not a lot of chatting goes on anymore, and a lot of us are so desperate for conversation that I think a new poster has just as much chance of getting a response as a 'regular' at any given time.
What do you think? Be honest, it won't hurt my feelings if you think it's cliquey here, I'm just curious.
Re: Let's talk.
I don't think this board is cliquey.
It really is too slow here for that to happen I think.
That's just my $0.02.
I have to agree with this, especially the bolded. Although, I think to newbies, or just ppl who don't post much, it can seem cliquey because for some of us, there's more history. Because some of us have been around on TK, or posted here often, we know more about each other and that provides the opportunity for inside jokes and such. To an outsider, that familiar behavior can seem cliquey.
I guess I'm just kind of sad that some people feel it's cliquey, because I don't want anyone to stay away, since it's already so slow around here. On TK I felt bad because I didn't know how to avoid the feeling - I don't want anyone to feel alienated, but at the same time it's bound to happen that the people who post more become more well-known, so I (and others) are more likely to develop inside jokes with some people. Obviously there are people I know well, but that doesn't mean I don't like other people as much - they just don't speak up, so I don't get as good of a 'feel' for them. And the problem continues, because if someone feels like an outsider, they post less frequently and remain less well known. If that makes sense. I don't know how to seem more welcoming, you know?
Really? Where? I haven't seen it said on here. Are people PMing you about it or something? (Though I have to admit I haven't exactly had time this week to read through every post, so maybe I missed it here somewhere...)
I don't think there are enough people here to be cliquey. I notice sometimes that posts don't get as many replies as others, but I take that as a sign of personal interest in the topic, not because people don't like that person.
I don't want to single anyone out, but it's been said in threads, on FB, and in PMs.
Then again, I'm apparently really good at making enemies online (I want to throatpunch a girl on TK right now), so I may just be oblivious to drama until it's right in my face.
im w/ you - i hadn't noticed anything said in threads, but i guess ive missed it
Hmm, maybe it was. TBH,I didn't read or follow most of that. I figure it's people online, that I've never met - why get all dramatic over stuff?
I agree that TK was cliquey and also that it is too slow around here for it to be too cliquey.
TN is my escape during the day while I'm bored out of my mind at work. I wish people would post more often. I find myself just posting things that come to mind just to drum up some response. I'm just worried that in 3 or 6 months no one will be left here but me. Pretty soon I'll start talking to myself, and flaming myself.
ditto all of this. I guess we can talk about/flame each other.
TN is my escape from work too...I'm on here all day long...yes I'm really that bored at work. I'm worried that the more time passes the less and less people will come around.
I guess I just don't see how on here we're cliquey...I think theres just so few of us that newbies came join in and they have. We've had a handful of newbies post over the last month and they seem to have been joining in on converstations. I'd hate for someone to not feel welcome here.
I don't think you guys are cliquey. I think you all just know each other well, since you were all a part of TK board and what not. I lurked on that board some and I should have spoken up I suppose. When we were wedding planning I didn't think I really fit on that board per se. Not because I thought it was cliquey or I didn't like you guys though. It was just because other then getting married in the same month, I didn't really feel like I was on the same timelines for things and such. So I hung around the DW board more often.
I wish I could post more to get to know you guys better, but I can't really do it with my job. So when I do come on the board later in the day I feel like I'm coming in to the back end of the conversation and no one is here anymore.. lol.
Hatteras, North Carolina
UPDATED 11/05/10 Lots of Wedding PICS!
UPDATED 07/28/10 My Planning Bio
Here's my response -- and I'm sure it will burn some bridges-because I'm naming names-- can't realy apologize I call it as I see it. As my black friends say- "real talk".....
I definitely see where the clickiness could come in--- for example...some of us are already moms and I have to say that I feel a certain connection with some of those girls. Not saying that they are my BFFs or anything but I'm just saying ....
and on the other hand I don't feel connected at ALL with anyone who talks about TTC--- since we have never tried I really have nothing to say to you guys....... and I don't think we ever will try. Our family life with ONE toddler is so busy----- I mean I'm happy for everyone who IS trying to start a family but when your baby (when you have it) gets to be three you will see what I am talking about...I'm sure if we ever DO get preggo again it will be a "mistake".....
with THAT said-- the one person i WAS cliquey with (Dats) I don't really talk to anymore.....but I know she is uber busy with her new business up and running (which I am SO proud of her by the way) so I don't take it personal.
I personally do feel a bit of a connection with the girls I've met IRL--- but they are all pretty cool in my book. Well I don't really feel THAT connected to Jody....we're just not the same kinda person.....and although it was nice to meet her--- we probably wouldn't chill on a regular.
I don't come here that often to really know what's going on --- that's because I only work part time and I am trying SO hard to keep that job (and possibly get MORE hours/go full time) that I don't ever WANT to try to post on here and ruin any chances of that. And the days that I have off (Tues & Wed) I really am spending that time with Liv. Add on to that my Catechist and Girl Scout leader commitments as well as keep our marriage strong....and there you go. I'm a ghost on TN....... and non existent on TB.....
Datsyuks & Ferdy- We Go Together Like...
Cliqueiness? I personally do not sense it, or maybe it's just that I choose not to sense it. I sort of float in and out of here, still post occasionally, and check in once in awhile. If I sensed cliqueiness, it wouldn't bother me enough to bring it up or call anyone out on it. If anything, I agree with PPs that TK was more cliquey for the sole reason that there were more posters, thus more activity on the board, and more opportunities for posters to find similar interests, etc and group off a bit. Even on TK, it didn't bother me enough to say anything about it and was not an issue.
OK, I was keeping quiet since I don't have a very good past with this group, either on TK or on here, and didn't feel like contributing to getting bashed again. But here goes....
Ferdy: incredibly insensitive to bring up my name like that. Seriously. You could have made your point without using me as an example.
Those of you who met me IRL and just from knowing me on here, you know I'm not hesitant to speak my mind. But I got sick of being bashed over and over and made to feel like a scapegoat whenever I have a thought or an opinion, so I backed out. What's sad is even when I tried to admit I was wrong during "Secret Santa Gate", instead of accepting my apology, I got bashed all over again. Not cool.
So yes, IMO, this board is cliquey if you don't agree with the status quo of the group. Some women on here have been wonderful (esp. Debdebdol), but lately, I feel alienated from this board and mostly lurk.
Datsyuks & Ferdy- We Go Together Like...
I really need to change my name to Oblivious since I never seem to pick up on this stuff.
I agree that its too dead here to be cliquey. I didn't see it on TK either and maybe its because I was posting all of the time or maybe I was a part of it and didn't even realize it. I don't know.
I wish I wasn't so super busy at work and home that I could post more. I think about posting, but by the time I get a chance to come over here, either all of the threads are relatively dead or its just me here.
Like Ferdy said, I think some of us are closer with others because there is something in common. I don't think of it as a bad thing, isn't that how you make friendships anyway, you have something in common?
Married / The Cookaholic Wife
I've seen a bit of what you're talking about on FB, including some of the commentary of how cliquy things are. I think most of the 'cliquiness' happens off-board and is just a product of people being on TK for a while - they developed friendships and so they have relationships outside of TN forum.
ITA w/ Ferdy - there are some people who post here who I get what they're saying and others who post and I sort of think - WTF?? Just different personalities, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's part of what makes it interesting because I can see/think about how others see it, and it helps me round out my own thoughts & opinions.
And Jody, first - no need to jump on Ferdy - she didn't call you names or say anything rude - just that your personalities don't click. Fine and dandy, there are enough others on here that you don't have to be besties with everyone. Second, your SSGate apology was half-azzed. You could have said sorry without calling out the ENTIRE REST OF THE BOARD. You screwed up. Done and finished. Take it gracefully and just move on. The rest of us have.
yes--- all of this. Thanks for getting what I meant
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Datsyuks & Ferdy- We Go Together Like...
I don't really see TN being cliquey, especially now with most everyone (including me) popping in and out when they can. Some days I'm around way more than others but it just depends on work and usually how many meetings I have.
As others have said, I think some people just relate to others but to me this is one of the nicest, well rounded boards out there. However, I could be just a little biased too
Why hello, I am (as ususal) 293847293874 years late with this.
I don't see the cliques, and if they do exist I really don't care. This is the internet, and not everyone is going to get along. And if you don't, then move on. If you don't post often, then yeah, you're probably not going to feel as much a part of the group as those who post regularly. It is what it is.
IMO this entire board is a group/clique to TN, which is why we seem to rarely post elsewhere. Things have also been hella dead since migrating to TN, so I don't see how things are now anymore "worse" than they were on TK. Like I've said before - this board is TAME and I think a lot of girls continue to bite their tongues to avoid drama.
09.25.10
Maybe the people who have complained about 'cliques' are using a different definition of the word than I do. Because Ferdy does bring up a point with the TTC/people with kids/TTA groups. It's a good example - I can't really contribute to conversations about things that I'm not going through, so I don't, but I don't consider it a 'clique' because I don't feel left out, or like people are deliberately leaving me out. To me the word 'clique' implies a little biitchiness, but maybe not everyone feels that way. It doesn't bother me in the slightest when I see a thread that I can't contribute to - I just don't say anything, maybe don't even open it, and then I move on.
If the board were more active, I wouldn't even notice the threads where I couldn't comment. And sure, some people have a 'connection' because of commonalities, but again, I don't consider that to be cliquey because I think people are still open to conversations with others. For example, if some moms are chatting about something to do with raising a toddler, and I chimed in with an anecdote, they wouldn't jump on me for not understanding because I don't have kids, or ignore me because I'm not 'one of them.'
My reference to 'SecretSantaGate' was not meant as a direct dig at Jody, for what that's worth. At the time, there was some drama, and more than one person commented that they didn't feel comfortable/welcome - it doesn't matter what or who started the drama, but people did say they felt the board was cliquey at the time, so I mentioned it, and that comment should only be taken at face value. If Jody was the only person who'd ever said anything, I never would have started this post, and if I wanted to make a post about Jody (which I wouldn't) I would have come out and said what I was talking about, not talked in riddles. Also, I don't think that Ferdy saying she 'doesn't click' with Jody is a direct attack, either - I can see how Jody might have been defensive at the mention of the Secret Santa thing, and I apologize for not clarifying that, but I hope that now that I've explained that, no feelings are hurt.
I agree in that a group of girls who have something in common that I do not (like TTC/already with kids/etc.), does not make them a clique, at least in my definition. I simply just do not have that particular aspect of their life in common. I agree with Laura that IMO a clique implies bitches, or a group of girls who "gang up" on others or don't let the whole group a part of their group, if that makes sense. Basically, it's like high school.. and this board is not (although we can agree we've come across some with a high school maturity level
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09.25.10
Ferdy - I need to put in my two-sense here because I've seen Jody get thrown under the bush before and it's not fair. You're entitled to your opinions, and I know that you didn't say anything nasty, call names, etc. But why mention Jody's name at all and single her out? It just seems so unnecessary and I'm just saying that I can see why she would be annoyed for you to call her out like that. Why instigate drama when there is no need to? I completely understand what you're saying here, and it's fine to feel this way - but it's not what you are saying that Jody has a problem with - it's that you singled her out that could be taken offensively. I'm not here to judge, but don't act surprised if she gets defensive with you over something like this.
Not to put words in Ferdy's mouth, but I read it as more of stream-of-conciousness writing. She said:
"I personally do feel a bit of a connection with the girls I've met IRL--- but they are all pretty cool in my book. Well I don't really feel THAT connected to Jody....we're just not the same kinda person.....and although it was nice to meet her--- we probably wouldn't chill on a regular."
I've done this before. I'm telling a story and I say, "my friend...well, no, she's not my friend, she's just sort of someone I know..." and that's how I interpreted this. Sure, Ferdy could have re-read it, then deleted that part, but I often post what I'm thinking as I'm thinking it and don't bother editing out the extra junk.
09.25.10