IN-LAWS

Disneygeek77 · February 2011

jerrilee103:

the only thing i am worried about honestly is that i'll say to much of how i really feel and say things that i shouldn't. i don't have either of my parents so if i say something to her and she gets pissed i won't say sorry because i'll mean everything i've said it's happened between her and i before when my FI left for bootcamp. i still haven't said sorry bc i meant everything but when he came home and left the next morning to come see me I think she realized she's not going to get him to leave me.

I guess i just want to know that my child will have at least one set of grandparents.

We don't care if we have her approval for anything. we drive the truck and car we want dress in what we want, have the jobs that we wanted, we have the house that we wanted I'm having my sister and my fiance in the delivery room and not her like she thinks it should be and I WILL raise my child the way that i want. he's not going to act like my FI younger brother and be spoiled his whole life and expect his parent to ask "how high" when he says jump.

My FI mother doesn't like most of the decisions we make but i honestly don't care. I want her to be able to lose some control of everything and just be a grandparent.

That is great that you have come to that conclusion. Now name your baby Xavier and choose the nursery theme that you see fit. If she gets mad, so what. Do really think she won't be in your kid's life because you chose a different name?

You might also have to realize that she might never want to lose control and just be a grandparent. The sooner you accept that fact, the happier you will be.

akl0506 · February 2011

You need to lay down the law. People treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. You can very subtly put these boundaries up. You will need FIs support. But, changing the name b/c she didn't like it - mistake #1. Allowing her to come the dr with you (I know it didn't actually happen) is another mistake. When ppl are overbearing, giving into that behavior is not helpful. Taking her shopping was kind of you, but if you liked that outfit you should have bought it. It is your baby. You may have wanted to say "I think you mean grandbaby" or something to that effect.

Honestly, I would suggest your start thinking of ways to lay this out in your head right now. If she says "xxx", I will say "yyy", that sort of thing. You need to be prepared and committed if you would like your life back. When Thomas Ryan gets here, you & FI are responsible for him and will need to be very committed to your parenting style. Or, you will be pushed by the wayside and the future MIL will take over.

Rumblefish · February 2011

FMIL&MOB:
Backbone and boundaries. The more you give in the more she takes. Where is your Fi in this mess? Changing your child's name was your mistake and now she feels she has the power to decide anything regarding your child. You know what you have to do and just are too polite.

I never would have changed the name. My MIL handed us a list of names she thought up. We didn't use any of them. She named her kids. My turn.

jerrilee103 · February 2011

I took a little bit of advice from everyone that replied to this post, and i must say things with the MIL have been much better over the last couple weeks. She still calls way to often, but now if we don't answer after the second call she knows we don't want to be disturbed and waits for us to call back.

We have decided to stay with the second baby name we picked out, but we changed the middle name to my fathers middle name.

All in all things have been much better. Thank you everyone for the advice.

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