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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
MIL still buying my DH's clothes :( WWYD??!
So my MIL is still buying DH's clothes. She knows I'm not ok with it so now she goes straight to him and of course he's a pushover.
Tonight is the rehearsal dinner for DH's brothers wedding. Yesterday she goes and gets him a whole new outfit that she insists he wears tonight. I find this insulting. We've been having problems for a while, to the point where I can't stand being in the same room as MIL. She's driving me crazy - what do I do?
Re: MIL still buying my DH's clothes :( WWYD??!
Who cares? She's not spending your money, he doesn't seem to mind.
You're picking power struggle fights and this one makes you look looney
How is this insulting? To you, at least? Your DH is a grown man - he can shop for his own clothes or if he really wants, he can accept the clothes from his mom.
Sure, I do think it's odd for her to be buying him entire outfits for specific occasions and "insist" that he wear them, but I think this is an issue that is only the tip of the iceberg to the bigger issue that your DH is probably a mama's boy and isn't willing to set any boundaries w/ her.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm missing something...do you feel it's a wife's role to take over buying clothes from a guys mother
It's not your job, it's not her job, it's your husband's job, the rest would be gifts from either of you
Why do you pick out your husband's clothing? And if your MIL insinuates that you can't dress your husband, why wouldn't you say "You're right, I don't dress him. Since he's an adult, I expect him to be able to dress himself. I would imagine you would hope that you raised him to be a functioning adult as well."
Your MIL buying your husband clothing is the least of your problems.
Something tells me that you have 1,984 reasons why you dislike your MIL and this is just the most current thing to complain about.
An American Girl's Travels
So your H is a moma's boy who can't dress himself?
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
Unless your DH has either significant mental and/or physical problems its not your job to "dress" him. Presumably he is a grown man and can dress himself, however unstylishly that may be. Strikes me he has left the nest of one controlling mama bird and moved right into anothers.
Yes, I can see how you're annoyed by her. I don't fault you for that. BUT - it's only the tip of the bigger problem. You married a man incapable of taking care of himself!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree with you there. So what should I do? Voice my concerns and hope for the best?
I don't control how he dresses and I don't tell him how to dress, most of the time if he wears something horrible I don't even say anything and just let it be. What bothers me is that SHE is still being, what I consider, overbearing. And I wish she'd stop. This is just one thing, she does stuff like this all the time and I'm just sick of it.
This is exactly the problem. And the MIL thing is a red herring. You get angry at her to distract yourself from the scarier and more upsetting problem that you may have made a mistake in your choice of husband.
Yes I did, I'm well aware of that. It's not just in the area of clothing either. Not sure what to do about it though. Been through counseling and everything. Being raised by a mom that did everything for him, he's got habits that are hard to break... I've already gone on "strike" over several issues, refusing to cook for him or do his laundry. I tell him all the time that I have nothing against him being loyal or loving towards his mother, but I do have a problem when he can't say no to her, ever, over anything, especially when it's something he knows bothers me.
But unless your DH is willing to put his foot down and make her stop, then you are SOL. This is a DH problem
buying clothes? This isn't a hill I'd die on. In reality, it REALLY doesn't affect you. I know you think it does, but it doesn't.
But if she does stuff like stopping by unannounced, that's rude and if you're in the middle of something in your own home, your DH needs to respect taht and tell his mom "sorry, this isn't a good time".
Or if he feels he HAS to answer every time she calls, even if you all are in the middle of something, again, that's rude on HIS part and he needs to cut it out.
Those are issues that directly affect you - fight THOSE battles.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
My husband and I get along great as long as my MIL is not part of the picture. I spent 6 months in therapy over issues with my MIL. My husband and I went through two sessions and our issues were resolved. I think the true issue is that my husband can't say no to his mom, my MIL can't *hear* no from anyone, and it obviously bothers me. I guess I just have to let it go, since I can't do anything to change it. I already avoid her at all cost. My husband has gotten better over time, have to give him credit for that. We've been married almost 7 years and he is much better at boundaries now then he was in the beginning. I guess I'm just extra stressed right now over some other issues and this was one more thing I just didn't want to deal with right now and it's just irking me.
I don't see why you're so "not ok with it". Unless he hates everything she gives him but wears it anyway to please her, I don't see the problem. And if he does wear stuff he hates just to be a momma's boy then you have a DH problem, not a MIL problem.
Your post seems to be more about the fact that you don't get along with MIL, therefore everything she does ticks you off. It's not really about the clothes themselves. Ask yourself if an outfit is really the hill you want to die on with her and your DH...IMO, though, this is small potatoes and you should focus on the bigger issues of why she drives you crazy. I doubt it's simply because she shops for him.
Yeah you are right. This is not a battle I'm fighting, I'm just venting. I told my husband it pissed me off but that's as far as I'm going. I'm not going to say anything to her about it, she's done WAY worse - and yes, those are the battles I will stick to fighting.
I guess my main reason in posting this question was about etiquette... it just seems like a "gift" like this is a bit odd and out of place. I mean, he's a grown man, it's not a birthday or Christmas gift or whatever... why is the mother still doing basic stuff like this for him (we've been married almost 7 years). It's just odd. I rarely buy him stuff and usually let him wear anything he wants (although I drew the line at basketball shorts paired with a button up dress shirt, white socks and sports sandals... yeah, like I said, zero fashion sense, lol).
Yes you're completely correct, I spent most of this last year in therapy over issues with my MIL and this is not "the hill I want to die on", I didn't mean for it to come across like that. My main reason in posting is because I was wondering what the proper etiquette would be in this situation. It's not a birthday gift or Christmas gift, he's a grown man who can take care of himself, giving other people "gifts" like this with strings attached just seems so faux pas.
However for fully-functioning adults, it's not odd to get gifts from parents on non gift-giving occasions.