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What plans trump?
My sister has been through a lot and is finally graudating from nursing school (on a Friday). My mother made this a mandatory event. All of DH & his friends all are turning/turned 40 this year and are trying to plan a weekend fishing trip. 2 dates were suggested, 1 happens to be the weekend of my sister's grad the other is the weekend of a charity event everyone else is attending/organizing/sponsering. They all live in a different state (TX) than we do.
This is the problem, the place they want to fish is a plan ride away for DH and for his friends (LA). There are great fishing places that DH could fly to their state and fish and everyone could attend the charity event (TX)or they could all fly up here and fish and DH could still attend my sister's grad (CO). But, all of his friends want to fish in LA.
Should I insist that he makes his plans around my sister's grad or should we just deal with the fall out of him not attending it?
Re: What plans trump?
Is she holding a gun to your head? If not, then guess what? You have a choice. Send DH off w/ his buddies and you go see your sister graduate.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
When you get married your mom kinda loses the authority to make events mandatory. And it's a graduation it's not a wedding or the birth of her first kid. Tell your h to do what ever works and either way YOU can still go to the graduation and "represent" for both of you, let your sister know ahead of time that he won't be able to come but that you'll be there and I doubt that she'll have a problem with it. Have your H call her even to let her know so that she's clear that he still loves her and all that. Let your mom know after you tell your sister.
You're grown ups now though, you can make your own decisions.
But isn't graduating (which happens on a specifc day) more important than a trip that can happen any other weekend.
ETA: My mom does not ask a lot of us, we do whatever we want for holidays, vacations, etc... this is the one thing she has ever asked of us in our adult lives.
I still don't see why you can't go by yourself and let your H go with his friends, you're still supporting her.
I don't understand why you can't go alone.
I don't think you should be insisting anything. DH is a grown man with all of the facts and information. I presume he knows what your sister's been through and what this graduation means to her. I presume he also works hard and has to make lots of tough decisions about where to spend his free time and how to treat his friends.
So, you let him decide and support however it comes out. I often find that "fallout" isn't so bad or severe when I look my mother in the eye and treat myself as an adult who doesn't deserve a scolding.
Right now it's you all that have a conflict. but if they pick a weekend that works for you, it might not work for someone else.
The question here really seems to be "Should my DH go on this trip or not?".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ditto
First off I would say the graduation trumps a fishing trip.
But that being said, about the fishing: explain to them that fresh mountain-caught trout tastes way better than whatever catfish is caught in LA. (I might be biased on that opinion, but it's worth a shot!)
NO ... graduating is NOT on the same level. It's awesome that you can go and want to please your mom, but don't let your mom dictate your life. If you can and want to go. Don't force it on your husband. It would be silly for everyone to arrange all their plans around this. It's not like you can't go, he can't. Difference.
Thanks for your replies. Yes I know we are not 12, it's just a little different when this is the only thing that your mother asks of you, and told you about 6 months ago. I know that DH can do whatever he wants and I understand that planning a group trip is hard, but it also requires flexibilty for every one who wants to go.
But if everyone else wants to go that particular weekend, then your DH is the one who needs to be flexible, Majority rules n all.
You sound like your mom....just say'n
I fail to see how this is the better question.
yep.
I don't get why your H has to be there. YOU go and he can go with his friends.
IMO dh's "group" seems to have left him behind. There are only TWO weekends that work for them, and they MUST go to LA, even though it doesn't work for your DH? And they can't work around him? I understand that your dh is only one person in the group, but he seems willing to be flexible.
I would not miss my sister's graduation, and would be there for one of DH's siblings or nephews if I were invited. I realize all families are different, but that is something that dh and I would do.
or face the consequences.
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This. Just the fact that my mom (or whoever in my family) was telling me something was mandatory would be ridiculous enough, but asking multiple people to plan around something they have nothing to do w/ isn't fair to them, either.
I've graduated from nursing school. It really isn't all that. It lasted maybe 2 hours and then we went to dinner. Your DH doesn't need to be there. Believe me, going on a trip with my closest friends is something I'd pick instead too.
Your still sister needs to take her NCLEX (certification test), which is much more important that walking the stage. When she passes it, you and your DH can take her out to celebrate.