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Abortion questions (long!)
I know, I know... I'm debating whether to type this and click post or not. I am honestly not trying to be inflammatory, or insensitive, or drama... I'm not even trying to liven up the board really. I just have a question that I'm hoping to get real opinions and answers on. Maybe this is the wrong board or wrong time to ask this... I don't know. But I sincerely hope that those of us who want to can have a discussion and share thoughts and feelings without anyone getting hurt.
*disclaimer: there is mention of pregnancy, abortion and miscarriage in this post. I just want to be sensitive and let those who may not really want to read about that know. Thanks.
So, I am pro-life. I believe life begins at conception. And a lot of the people I surround myself with on a daily basis think similarly. I am looking for all kinds of opinions and am interested in what you have to say, no matter how much you disagree with me or not.
I was lurking on another board, and someone said that they didn't think that women who have abortions should need any type of counseling because it's just a medical procedure performed on a clump of cells. You don't need counseling when you get your tonsels or wisdom teeth out, so you shouldn't need it for an abortion (they didn't clarify what they meant by "need": if the woman shouldn't feel like she needs it, or if the clinic/hospital shouldn't require it, so sorry that's not more clear). That got me thinking.
I was wondering how people who are pro-choice or pro-abortion or who don't believe that life starts at conception feel about abortions and miscarriages. I mean actual emotional feelings, not political/moral stances. Now, I am absolutely not trying to lump abortions and miscarriages in the same pile. I don't think they are anyone's fault, and I don't place blame on the mother or anything. I want to make that clear.
So, I have a few scenarios and questions:
When do you believe human life begins? Why?
At what point is a fetus a person?
If you have a friend who terminated her pregnancy/ had an abortion, would you support her? Would you feel sad for her or about the situation at all? Would how far along she was in the pregnancy affect your feelings/thoughts (early termination vs late term abortion)? Was the fetus alive to you? Was your friend a mother while she was pregnant?
If a friend had a miscarriage, would you be sad for her? Would the gestational age of the baby affect your feelings/thoughts (an early miscarriage versus a late miscarriage)? Was the fetus alive? Is it the loss of a potential baby for your friend that may make you sad? Does whether the fetus/baby was "wanted" or not affect how you feel about the situation? Was your friend a mother while she was pregnant?
I see abortion and miscarriage both as a death and a loss, and I feel sad for the women and families who experience them. I am just hoping to see what other people think and feel about it. Feel free to elaborate and throw out more questions if you want. Thank you all in advance for partipating respectfully. And if there is anyone else who is pro-life, feel free to answer too. I would love to hear your opinion as well.
Re: Abortion questions (long!)
First off let me clarify that I don't believe anyone is pro-abortion. Pro-choice and pro-abortion are not the same thing in any way shape or form. I cannot believe that anyone WANTS to have an abortion. sometimes it is unfortuneatley a decision that has to be made. With that said I am pro-choice. I know that personally for me I would never have an abortion. I do not believe in it in my heart and could never make that decision. However I would never judge someone that did (with one real life exception).
When do you believe human life begins? Why? I go back and forth on this. Most days I believe that it begins at conception. The moment that a little soul comes down from heaven and chooses who its parents will be.
At what point is a fetus a person? When that fetus is viable outside of its mother.
If you have a friend who terminated her pregnancy/ had an abortion, would you support her? Would you feel sad for her or about the situation at all? Would how far along she was in the pregnancy affect your feelings/thoughts (early termination vs late term abortion)? Was the fetus alive to you? Was your friend a mother while she was pregnant?
A girl that I went to high school with had 4 abortions throughout our 4 years. This idiot was using it as a birth control method. THIS WAS UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES OK! "It's my choice" she would say (an obvious reason why we are no longer friends) I supported her the first time. I thought well she made a mistake, we are only 16, blah blah blah to rationalize it in my young mind. That was the last time I supported her. Abortions are not birth control! Take a damn pill!
If a friend had a miscarriage, would you be sad for her? Would the gestational age of the baby affect your feelings/thoughts (an early miscarriage versus a late miscarriage)? Was the fetus alive? Is it the loss of a potential baby for your friend that may make you sad? Does whether the fetus/baby was "wanted" or not affect how you feel about the situation? Was your friend a mother while she was pregnant?
Of course I would be sad for her. The gestational age would affect my feelings. My mother-in-law had several miscarriages before my DH was born. The first few were in the first trimester (which no doubt were sad) but she had one at 6 months and one at 8 months. Both I know were more tramatic because she had to give birth without the promise of a baby to bring home when it was all over. I don't think whether the baby was "wanted" or not would affect my feelings. Its sad. Its a death
I think that when you have an abortion it is a decision that you will have to live with the rest of your life. You probably feel bad enough about it and don't need other people making you feel bad. Like I said I have never had an abortion but I would never judge someone that did or even thought about having one. Its a personal choice.
I was wondering how people who are pro-choice or pro-abortion ...
First off, I don't think anyone out there is pro-abortion. I imagine it must be a very difficult decision in any circumstance, and nobody wants to find themselves in that position.
When do you believe human life begins? Why?
I don't know. Intellectually, I guess I believe it begins at conception.
At what point is a fetus a person?
As soon as it can live outside the womb.
If you have a friend who terminated her pregnancy/ had an abortion, would you support her? Would you feel sad for her or about the situation at all? Would how far along she was in the pregnancy affect your feelings/thoughts (early termination vs late term abortion)? Was the fetus alive to you? Was your friend a mother while she was pregnant?
If a friend had a miscarriage, would you be sad for her? Would the gestational age of the baby affect your feelings/thoughts (an early miscarriage versus a late miscarriage)? Was the fetus alive? Is it the loss of a potential baby for your friend that may make you sad? Does whether the fetus/baby was "wanted" or not affect how you feel about the situation? Was your friend a mother while she was pregnant?
I feel like I'm taking a survey!
I would be terribly sad for a friend who had a miscarriage, even if it were an unwanted pregnancy. I suppose I'd feel more sad for a late miscarriage ... you spend more time with the "baby." I think it's the tragedy of the situation that makes me sad.
To your observation about counseling, I think it should be an option for women who have abortions, but not mandated. It's all about choice.
I completely and absolutely believe in a woman's right to choose. There was an EXCELLENT debate on slate.com a few weeks ago about whether limiting those rights at viability was OK or not. Some pro-choice individuals believe that women should have the right to abort right up until delivery.
Myself, I go with the more vague "right to choose" line, am ever thankful that I'm not a legislator or judge, and personally don't ever plan on putting myself in the position to have to make that choice.
And as long as you keep your opinions off my body, I am fine with anyone believing anything they want.
I am 100% pro-choice. I personally would not choose to have an elective abortion (unless there was a rape or medical reason) , but I feel that the option should be out there for women who need it. I will make the disclaimer that I was pregnant with DS at 19, and was seriously weighting abortion, but decided against it. For me, it was the right thing to do, but I completely understand that it might not be the right decision for many women.
When do you believe human life begins? I believe that human life starts when the heart starts beating; I have seen conflicting reports of when this actually happens, but know it can be heard/seen 6 weeks. Why? When I think of human beings, I think of something that has a heartbeat. Until that point, I firmly believe that an embryo is rapidly dividing cells. *Disclaimer, I am not religious at all, and don't believe that "God or whoever who you choose to believe in" has a hand in it at all.
At what point is a fetus a person? Same answer as above, once the heartbeats, to me, it is a person/human.
If you have a friend who terminated her pregnancy/ had an abortion, would you support her? Would you feel sad for her or about the situation at all? Would how far along she was in the pregnancy affect your feelings/thoughts (early termination vs late term abortion)? I would absolutely support her 100%, unless she was using abortion as a form of birth control. Since late term abortion is generally illegal unless there is a medical reason, I would hope that she would choose to have the procedure performed as early as possible.
Was the fetus alive to you? I think that there is some sort of life from the moment of conception. Just because it is not human life to me, doesn't mean the cells are not living organisms. So yes, to me it is living. Was your friend a mother while she was pregnant? I could only imagine the pain in the decision and circumstances that someone would have to choose abortion after having a child. But, I understand that things change in life, and I would hope that my friend would be making her choice after completely weighting all of her other options. I would still be supportive.
I would be sad for her and her family(if she has one). I don't think there are any of my friends right now who would make the decision to have an abortion without having thoughts of guilt, shame or other negative feelings. I think that the internal conflict and grief is enough for someone to bear, and that my job in this situation is to be a good friend, and not make things worse than they already are.
If a friend had a miscarriage, would you be sad for her? Would the gestational age of the baby affect your feelings/thoughts (an early miscarriage versus a late miscarriage)? Was the fetus alive? Is it the loss of a potential baby for your friend that may make you sad? Does whether the fetus/baby was "wanted" or not affect how you feel about the situation? Was your friend a mother while she was pregnant? If a friend miscarried I would be sad for her, no matter the circumstances.
Wow...this is a very sensitive subject for me. Not that I have experienced either an abortion or miscarriage. I did, however, volunteer at the local Planned Parenthood on Saturdays when they did perform them. That was an interesting volunteer position to say the least.
I am pro-choice. I think a woman has the right to choose BUT definitely not to use it as means of birth control.
I am pro-life and think life begins at conception. I believe abortion is wrong. I grieve with my friends who have miscarriages (even when they're 'just' chemical pregnancies) I judge my friends who have abortions (even when they're super early)
I think it's an interesting viewpoint. If you're pro-choice and say "big deal, it's just a ball of cells" then why would counseling be important?
I am pro-choice. For any reason.
To me, a miscarriage is sad in any case b/c it takes away that woman's choice.
Some abortions are extremely sad (I'm thinking of cases where the fetus has a fatal or debilitating illness or the mother's health is in grave danger continuing the pregnancy, and the parents agonize over the termination of the pregnancy as extremely sad), but not all.
And I don't believe a woman should be forced into counseling after an abortion any more than I believe she should be forced to carry a child she doesn't want.
Many women need counseling for abortion because they have feelings of guilt, shame and anger for being in the situation in the first place. I can't imagine making the decision to have an abortion, no matter what stage of fetal development, wouldn't cause you to have some remorse. I know for me personally, the thoughts of "this will be a person later- what kind of life might I be stopping?" was enough to deter me; even though at that stage of fetal development I don't feel that it was a human/person.
Plus, not all pro-choice people (or people who have abortions) believe, "Big deal, it's just a ball of cells." It's a much more complex issue than that.
What I really struggle with is the idea that "some women have no other choice" It just makes me think again that we don't talk about adoption enough. Especially the reality of what adoption can be. How is being responsible for terminating that life easier than being responsible for giving it a great home (which is not with you)?
This is absolutely true. I can't believe I'm admitting this on here (and C, if you have to judge, I will try to understand) but I was also pregnant at 19 as a result of birth control failure, but unlike Megan, I chose to have an abortion. That was 30 years ago, and I still think about what might have been had I made a different decision, but it was the right decision for me at the time. Do I regret it? Sometimes. Would I make the same decision again? Who knows? Did I grieve at the time? Hell, yes.
I totally understand that someone who is T-TTC might feel outraged by my decision and I grieve with everyone who has lost a child, whether it was an "outside" child or an "inside" child. It is still a loss, and maybe if I knew then what I know now, that I would never have another chance, and that I wouldn't find a life partner until the age of 44, I might have made a different decision.
I am a big fan of Robert Frost's poem, "The Road Not Taken":
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and sorry I could not travel both and be one traveler, long I stood and looked down one as far as I could to where it bent in the undergrowth.
"Then took the other as just as fair, and having perhaps the better claim because it was grassy and wanted wear; though as for that the traveling there had worn them really about the same.
"I shall be telling this with a sign, somewhere ages and ages hence. Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."
Flame me if you must, but just remember that it was a long time ago, before some of you were even sparkles in your mothers' eyes. I'm not the same person I was then, and I might not be the person I am now if I had taken that other road.
I can think of several instances when abortion might be the best choice- Drug abuse by the mother, physical abuse by the father/parther, rape, etc. I do think that in most cases, adoption should be a viable option, but for many it is not, which is sad to me. I think society needs to do a better job of making adoption more "ok". I have to say that I was bullied by my son's father's family to not even consider adoption, which is something that I was thinking about. I was young, had no money, and was stupid. Even thought is was "our" baby, we didn't have the resources or quite frankly, the balls to tell them that we wanted to do adoption.
I am pro-life personally. While I believe you can't ever truly predict how you'd respond in a situation until you are in it, I feel strongly that I would never have an abortion. I personally can't even fathom it and I know if I did it would absolutely break me.
I think if you have a miscarriage or an abortion you most certainly deserve support and counseling. However, I wouldn't stay friends with someone who had more than one abortions because they were being careless, using it as birth control, etc. I think abortions are a huge deal and not at all something to be taken likely. I don't, however, feel it is my right to make the choice for anyone else. I think that banning them altogether would have horrifying and disastrous results. I do feel abortions should be subject to greater restrictions than they are now.
Some personal history: My father's mother tried to abort him with a coat hanger unsuccessfully. She did drugs when he was a baby and, as a result, he lived his life with only 1 fully developed arm. His father raised him somewhat but he had a very, very troubled life until mid-adulthood. But then again, he eventually found the right path and was a great father to me while he was alive.
A long time ago I dated a boy who was the result of a rape where the mother chose to keep it. She also had a son from a marriage that was planned. It was so clear to everyone, including him, that she had intense resentment and disgust for her son born out of rape. The difference in the way they treated them was just sad. He was very devastated by his mother's feelings towards him.
Women don't want to hear what men think,
women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice
*hugs*
Women don't want to hear what men think,
women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice
I am pro-choice and I personally believe that life begins with the first breath. I have had an abortion, and while I did not seek counseling, I wish I had. If someone I knew chose to have an abortion, I would support her, even driving her to the appt if necessary. It is her choice, not mine. Each person has to do what is best for them. I have know women that have had miscarriages and yes, I believe that no matter how you lose a baby (abortion, adoption, or miscarriage) it is a loss. Just like in death, people handle loss differently and some people seek counseling, some don't.
I will also add that I consider adoption a loss as well. I think any birth parent who chooses to place their child for adoption should go through counseling, before and after the adoption.
I really think you should edit your post, I doubt you would find anyone who is "pro-abortion" and I think the way you lumped pro-choice with "pro-abortion" is highly offensive.
When do you believe human life begins? Why? I think life begins with the heartbeat.
When do you believe At what point is a fetus a person? I think a fetus is a person when that fetus could be viable outside the womb...so I'd say approx 24 weeks gestation
If you have a friend who terminated her pregnancy/ had an abortion, would you support her? Would you feel sad for her or about the situation at all? Would how far along she was in the pregnancy affect your feelings/thoughts (early termination vs late term abortion)? Was the fetus alive to you? Was your friend a mother while she was pregnant? I would be supportive of her. I would not personally feel sad about the situation, I would feel compassionate towards her and her emotions. How far along she was would not affect my feelings. I would not have considered the fetus a "life" as it wasn't viable outside her womb. I would not consider her a mother.
When do you believe human life begins? Why? At what point is a fetus a person?
My stance on this changes all the time. I am pro-choice and always will be. But some days I think life begins at conception and other times I think life begins when the fetus can actually sustain life on it's own without the mother. Because of the fact that there is such a high rate of miscarriages in the first trimester, it's just hard for me to see it as so cut and dry. Life to me implies ability to live, and at 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, a fetus cannot live without it's mother. But I still see a fetus, regardless of it's age, as a baby full of the hopes and dreams of its parents. It's a slippery tricky slope.
If you have a friend who terminated her pregnancy/ had an abortion, would you support her? Would you feel sad for her or about the situation at all? Would how far along she was in the pregnancy affect your feelings/thoughts (early termination vs late term abortion)? Was the fetus alive to you? Was your friend a mother while she was pregnant?
I have had friends who've had abortions. For one of them, she was in high school and the condom broke. She was not ready to be a parent and had dreams for herself. It was hard for her, but she knew she couldn't give the kind of life she wanted to give to the baby, and she knew she wouldn't be able to part with it either. I think she made the right choice.
It was an early term abortion, and like I said earlier, if the baby can;t survive on it's own, then I think it's ok. But as far as late term abortion goes, in many cases that baby can live on it's own. That does become murder to me.
To the same end, I also had a friend who used abortion as her method of birth control and I think that is absolutely horrible. But she had psychological issues in general, and unfortunately there will always be abuses of any system. That's how life is.
If a friend had a miscarriage, would you be sad for her? Would the gestational age of the baby affect your feelings/thoughts (an early miscarriage versus a late miscarriage)? Was the fetus alive? Is it the loss of a potential baby for your friend that may make you sad? Does whether the fetus/baby was "wanted" or not affect how you feel about the situation? Was your friend a mother while she was pregnant?
Another one of my friends had a miscarriage when she was planning to abort the baby. She regretted her decision to have sex, and the condom did not work. She didn't love the father, she didn't have a job, she was still living at home and finishing up her degree. And despite knowing she would abort it, she was still devastated when she lost the baby (although she was also devastated at the thought of having to go through an abortion as well). Her decision was also based on her ability to be a good parent at that time in her life, and her relationship with the father. I was with her the first few days, while she slept over our apartment. No matter what anyone says, the idea that you created life and it is no longer inside of you is a hard idea to process, regardless of how that life left you. Women who choose that do so because they are faced with an impossible situation and they see no other way around it. To think that going through an abortion is an easy choice or an easy process is naive and close minded.
Tea Time for Lulu
I also fall into the camp of there is no such thing as pro-abortion. It is like saying that if you are pro-life you are anti-choice. It is used by other side to be demeaning.
When do you believe human life begins? Why? To quote George Carlin, "I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process."
At what point is a fetus a person? I believe that a fetus becomes a baby at the point that it is loved. A 12 year old that was raped by her stepfather may never feel that she is having a baby... she may try hard to dissociate from the fetus--not saying she shouldn't have counseling if she has an abortion. However, the 45 year old woman who has been trying to get pregnant for years and finds herself pregnant finally never had a fetus, it was always a baby. Try to make laws on that.
If you have a friend who terminated her pregnancy/ had an abortion, would you support her? Would you feel sad for her or about the situation at all? Would how far along she was in the pregnancy affect your feelings/thoughts (early termination vs late term abortion)? Was the fetus alive to you? Was your friend a mother while she was pregnant? I would and I have. It would depend on the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy and how she felt to say whether or not she was a mom or whether the fetus was a live. Did she do it to save her own life? Was there something so wrong with the baby that it would have been selfish to have it born just to have it suffer and lead a pain filled, short life? Was she not ready to be a mom? Was it an abusive relationship? Is she sad? How is she doing?
If a friend had a miscarriage, would you be sad for her? Would the gestational age of the baby affect your feelings/thoughts (an early miscarriage versus a late miscarriage)? Was the fetus alive? Is it the loss of a potential baby for your friend that may make you sad? Does whether the fetus/baby was "wanted" or not affect how you feel about the situation? Was your friend a mother while she was pregnant? If a friend miscarried, I would be devastated for her and her family. The loss of a known pregnancy no matter how early is something that no words can express. I can imagine, or logically maybe, it seems that a loss at birth or a late term miscarriage would be harder... but all are devastating.
I doubt that I would ever have an abortion. I wouldn't rule it out because I don't know what could potentially happen. However, I am not going to take that choice away from anyone. Do I wish that we had a perfect world where pregnancies only happened to people who wanted a baby, and where no one had to go through IF? YES! But unfortunately that is not the world we live in. I also think that we have a romanticized view of our world that if we banned abortion that more babies would become adoptable... but statistically that is not the case.
I love these. Great points, Ms. Roni!
While I imagine that 90 percent of the people who opened this thread thought, "Not touching this with a 10-foot pole," I think it's great that you asked. Took guts!
I think we had a respectful airing of opinion here ... or have had, anyway. Who knows what the afternoon will bring!
Me too, very well said.
I would never claim to know when life starts or what makes a human a special kind of life at any particular point. I don't believe there is a way for anyone to "know" that, and I have a hard time when people claim to and then try to force their own definition upon other people. I'd always support a friend in doing what she felt was best, whatever decision she made.
Count me as part of the 90% who don't really want to get into specific details of their personal beliefs about abortion on a public message board (I went back and forth on even posting this). But I did have some thoughts on the labels associated with this debate.
I wanted to echo those who said that they know no one who is "pro abortion." I don't remember ever hearing the term used in public debate, actually, and I'm curious where you heard it used Moosie? In my opinion, it's an inaccurate and highly politicized way of characterizing someone who supports a woman's right to have a safe and legal abortion.
The debate about this issue, as far as I'm concerned, comes down to choice: Whether women should have the right to choose an abortion, or not. So in my mind, there is no "pro abortion" or "pro life." There is "pro choice" and "anti choice." There are people out there who oppose abortion and wouldn't get one themselves, but support others' right to choose.
I especially cringe at the "pro life" label, since it can be misconstrued as meaning that a person is "anti life" if they believe women should have access to abortions. No one I know who is pro choice believes themselves to be against life (though I realize some would disagree). They simply support a woman's right to choose, for a variety of reasons, not to bring a pregnancy to term and have a baby.
**slow clap**
Thank you S for expressing, so clearly and beautifully what I have been torn about posting all night and morning.
I simply could not get past the "pro-abortion" comment, it gnawed at me all night and into the morning. I could not agree more with you.
Thank you.
Glad you found it helpful. Like I said, I almost didn't post but I guess it was gnawing at me too.
Thank you for saying this. That word "pro-abortion" rubbed me the wrong way. While I did comment, I only gave a fraction of my true belief.
With regard to the labels used in this post specifically, it also bothers me that (often times, and with exceptions) "pro-life" doesn't seem to apply to the life of the woman carrying the child, or even really the life of the child after it's birth.
And, I have seen women on the P&CE board describe themselves as "pro-abortion" so I wouldn't be surprised if that's where Moosie got it from (guessing/assuming that though). Typically though, those women are passionately arguing against some pretty illogical arguments and say it (I imagine) for shock value - meant to suggest they so strongly support the woman's right to choose that they would go so far as to say it's acceptable at any time, for any reason, any number of times, etc... Anyway, this is just my observation of this being said on a board I lurk on on the Nest.
Many of them have children or are pregnant themselves though, so I hardly think they're "pro-abortion" in the way that pro-lifers claim to be pro-life. It's not all or nothing. It is still used as a means to demonstrate support of choice. I understand how it is offensive to some people, completely. Having seen it used in the context I have over there, it didn't offend me personally. But I definitely understand. Besides which, how could anyone be pro-abortion? People would cease to exist if there was legislation that mandated all women had to abort all fetuses. It makes absolutely no sense as a "label" whatsoever.
Got it. I never go on that board and haven't seen that elsewhere. No matter how passionate you are about the point you're making, I'm not totally sure how it advances your pro-choice argument to call yourself pro-abortion, but to each their own.
This is really really well put.
Tea Time for Lulu
Oh boy, here's my attempt at explaining my thoughts on the subject in some cohesive way. Thanks for the scenarios, it will help organize it.
Let me start by saying I've been pregnant 4 times. I've miscarried twice and birthed live babies twice. That experience shaped my view on the subject to some degree.
In short, I think that life begins at the time when that life is sustainable on it's own. That used to be 30 weeks, now it's rare but possible at 21 weeks. Prior to 21 weeks miscarriage and abortion are sad events, both loses of a possible life. I don't believe that the life of a fetus not sustainable on it's own should take precedence over the currently living person sustaining it, to which I mean the mother's quality of life matters more than the fetus at that point. If she therefore decides she cannot care for an infant, does not want to be pregnant, etc., then I think she had the right to choose for herself without pressure from anyone to make the choice that is best for her. After 21 weeks, I think it gets very tricky. I really only support abortion after that time if the baby is either highly likely to have an impossible quality of life (and by that I mean will likely die outside the womb or live in a vegetative state; I do not mean the typical Down's Syndrome child) or will cause the mother to die or become gravely ill (like someone who needs cancer treatment and the like). I think anyone who seeks an abortion at any stage should be offered non-biased, non-judgmental counseling on her options (something Planned Parenthood is very good at, btw).
To my knowledge, I only have had one friend who had an abortion. It was early, was her choice, and I was there for her as a friend without judgment. It did not make me sad. She was just a freshman in college, no longer dating the father, it was very much an oops pregnancy. She was living on her own with no help from anyone, and it would have changed her life completely at a time when she did not want change. Her alternative would have been to drop out of school and go on welfare. I wouldn't wish that sort of life on her, so I supported her.
I know of someone who got pregnant on purpose, then changed her mind and aborted the baby. I have a really hard time not judging her. Her decisions were terrible all around.
Lastly, of course I feel sad for people who miscarry. Everyone I know who has miscarried has wanted the baby. I'm terribly sad for them because that the miscarriage represents a loss for them.
I should conclude by saying that I was adopted. I lived because my college freshman mother chose to carry a pregnancy to term and give me to a family that could offer me more than she could at the time. She's very, very anti-abortion. I'm grateful for that, but had she aborted me I would have known no different, and I'm totally ok with that. My soul would have had a place among angels and that's not such a terrible place to be. Still, I wish adoption was more accepted as a solution to an unwanted pregnancy in our culture.
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