September 2009 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Not to beat a dead horse, but....
Why is it ok to be offended by this (points to post below), but not to be offended by religious statements? This is really bothering me. People on this board who are offended by anti-religious statements are told to lighten the eff up and given a collective 
, but being offended by racial slurs or homophobia or arrogance is acceptable. I'm having a hard time understanding that, ladies. Religion is a big thing to me. It's the biggest thing, in fact.
Re: Not to beat a dead horse, but....
I've stayed pretty much out of this whole discussion, just like I have stayed out of several previous religious discussions on the board and have tried to be very sensitive to some previous posts that people have raised concerns to me about. (this is a moderator side note: If you believe that something is so offensive that the general person would be off put by it, please let me know and I'm happy to check the terms of use and ask for it to be removed by the Nest Gods)
I'm all for discourse- I, personally, believe that faith is more of a personal thing than it is a religious production. That said, people who are active in church communities and stuff are completely okay with me- that's how you form connections and that's a wonderful thing.
I also think understanding for people who believe different things from you comes through civil conversations- not finger pointing or being told to back down. And there are times this board is really good about things like that and there are other times that it is not. Yesterday it was not.
The main thing that is important for me is that no one feels persecuted. Specifically, in reference to Arb's signature, you may not agree with her beliefs, but it isn't as if she's saying people who believe in Jesus/ God are stupid or the like. It is something she found humorous, and posted in her signature. She's done it for years, and not for attention or with the deliberate purpose of louring people into arguments, or discrediting other people's beliefs.
This is my personal opinion, but if you really feel personally persecuted by an intended to be humorous image in someone's signature who posts here 6 times a year, it may be taking an online forum a little bit too seriously. I don't think that was commentary on her views of Christianity or a valuation on the belief system of other people's. There have been things that are MUCH closer to those sorts of things that have worked themselves out just fine, without constant offense, in the past (even recent past- remember the mcd/ Riss thing from last week re: Catholicism?).
I definitely understand why someone would scoff at it, or even comment on it, but I don't think it rises to the level of persecution or valuation of another person's beliefs, either of which I think are much more offensive.
Stand up for something you believe in.
But that is exactly what happened with the words broad and yankee.
I am not even trying to bring that up to rehash those issues. (Honestly. I don't think that anyone is upset about either at this point) More to point out that the majority of those who were telling me to say it, were the ones saying lighten up yesterday.
Zuma Zoom
I absolutely agree with this. I just don't think this is what was portrayed in tela's post. The message that was delivered, to me, was that you can post anything under 1st amendment rights (totally agree with that), but that being offended by it somehow makes you stupid or uptight. That's usually was "lighten the eff up" means.
Also, the whole "there are more important things going on in the world" argument is totally lost on me. We don't spend a whole lot of time on this board talking about world tragedies or civil rights or poverty. Why are people suddenly acting like they have more important things to be discussing than someone being offended?
I've called Jill a yankee off board. It probably ticked her off. Oh well.
I don't feel personally persecuted by arb's siggy. I feel personally persecuted by the reaction that those of us who had a problem with it got. I don't really appreciate being made to feel stupid, because I have an opinion about something that others don't agree with. I thought this board was a little more respectful than that.
I was upset with a Sephora cashier and called her a broad. I didn't direct it to anyone on the board. The yankee thing might have been. It's been a while for that one.
I think we nearly did argue it all day long for both. haha.
In general, I think if the roles were reversed, and one of the Christian ladies had a signature saying that they're against gay marriage or abortion, people might not be so slack. Could be wrong, but I'd wager it would cause a stir.
With that in mind, I think that is why it seemed a bit insensitive. Most of the girls on here address their faith as their own, and don't push it on other people.
Zuma Zoom
That's what I meant about the discourse and civil conversations
Stand up for something you believe in.
was their a debate from those who do not believe in same sex marriage regarding mary's siggy when it was pro-gay marriage?
this is a genuine question as i wasnt around long on TK.
Long story short: everyone is offended by something.
And no one's telling anyone what they should believe in or how they should believe in it.
Offenders -- yay for your beliefs! by all means, stick to them. But convey them in the most diplomatic and uninsulting way possible, and the world will be a [ kinda ] happier place.
Offendees -- yay for your beliefs, too, but understand that not everyone sees the world the same way you do, and thats ok! But don't take it as a personal attack should this occur...
Seriously... if we start censoring every.single.post on this board out of fear that SOMEONE might take offense, this place is going to be deader than it already has been...and like it's been said before, I'm really not a fan of pictures of puppies and rainbows on a daily basis (thought once in a while is a great pick-me-up).
updated 10.03.12
No. But if someone wants to talk about it I'm fine with it. I believe the way I do for good reason and you're not going to convince me to believe otherwise, but I'll explain why I feel the way I do to someone who genuinely wants to know.
Stand up for something you believe in.
And some of us would say the same thing about terms like broad or yankee or redneck. I think it's kind of silly to be offended by those things, but during those posts I never told anyone to lighten up or basically mocked them for feeling that way. Usually, we respect when someone is offended and then apologize.
then im not sure what the difference is between you having a signature that you fully believe in that may be offensive to some people and tree's signature?
why did people keep their mouth shut about their disagreements on sexuality but not their disagreements on religion?
a difference...i dont see it.
Actually no... when Smo was asked to apologize for using the term "broad" she did not apologize. In fact, she refused to...
updated 10.03.12
I can see where you guys stand, honestly. There was a time when I would have taken offense to Arb's sig too. Things have happened in my life that changed my views, and now I didn't think anything of it.
One final thing, I do think that in this case, you just have to say your peace and let it go. there's not much else that can be done, ladies.
Her signature doesn't mock Christianity.
If someone had a Buddhist signature, I wouldn't call that offensive. I'm not going to mock someone who is Buddhist, just because I'm not.
Zuma Zoom
Christian is not necessarily anti-gay marriage or anti-abortion. The universes are not mutually exclusive.
I consider myself a believer in the Christian faith and there's nothing in my belief system that says 2 people of any race, gender, faith or otherwise can't be granted a legal status by the state.
Stand up for something you believe in.
I refused to stop using the word. I'm not sure if I refused to apologize. I'd have to look up the post.
I also refused because I didn't take her offense as sincere because of the bias she had against me at that time. Which she later confirmed. Later she's joked with me using the word.
Again, I have nothing against Jill for that particular incident.
Zuma Zoom
But that's just it...
Did you ever, for once, consider what Tree's religious beliefs were?
If she herself were Christian, would that make her siggy more acceptable to you?
updated 10.03.12
I didn't say all of the Christian ladies. I gave an example, because some don't believe it is acceptable within Christian faith.
Some feel that it is.
Either way, if we had that posted. I feel like there would be some disputes. Not really saying who would dispute what, but I'd think there would be a discussion or debate.
Zuma Zoom
Well, with this argument, if you personally aren't gay, Jewish, African-American, or mentally retarded, you can't be offended by those types of statements either. That doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I personally am not mentally retarded, but I still don't like people using the word retarded to describe things. I'm not black either, but I'd still be offended if I heard someone say the n word.
If Arb's religion involves mocking Christians, then she should just say so. I don't think it is the case. Again, could be wrong.
Outside of Arb, similar signatures were meant to be a jab at Christians who have unpopular views on dinosaurs and creation vs evolution. Every person that I've seen with it tends to feel that way from the posts I've seen conversations about it.It might not be that way with Arb. But the association is easily interpreted as offensive.
Zuma Zoom
Oh FFS, are we still talking about broad and yankee?
YES, I said I was offended.
Do I like those words? No.
Did I blow things out of the water because I was bored and wanted some entertainment in my life? Yes.
Was it immature and lame? Probably yes - however, it made my work day go by much faster.
Can we move on from this topic now?
that makes sense. she doesnt have the same beliefs as you do necessarily but she isnt mocking your beliefs and youre viewing Arb's as being mocking toward your beliefs. yes?
Nice to see you've finally joined us.
updated 10.03.12
No one is slamming you for being offended by it. I think it's a good example of the hypocrisy that's often found on this board and very relevant in this conversation.
And in reply to Mary (I think, it's all getting jumbled up) that's simply what I'm doing saying my peace. In the words of John Mayer, "It's better to say too much than to never say what you need to say." I hate John Mayer, but I love that song.
*waves* hai!
I haven't really read anything - it was brought to my attention that although I've been absent - my drama causing still continues. I'm glad to see I have such an impact even when I'm not around.
hahahaha I understand. I think the OP yesterday/ Tues night really set the tone for the discussion and there were a lot of people who got heated on both sides of the fence.
Stand up for something you believe in.