Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Can we talk about separate bedrooms?
Stop getting your "history shmistory" from 50's TV shows!!!!!
(you better know i'm kidding!)
Yeah, people slept in clumps out of necessity. As soon as we were able to, we started kicking people out. First extended family, then the kids, then, if you were a lucky rich person, the spouse! ;-p
Question: Do couples who sleep in separate rooms have less sex?
Yes or no?
I feel the need to say that I don't actually poop in front of H.
I don't hit him either.
You should really do both. Spice things up a little, ya know?
I really don't think it matters. If your marriage is failing, then it's failing all over, not just in the bedroom or with regard to your sleeping habits. Sleeping in separate bedrooms is not going to doom your marriage, any more than sleeping in the same bed will save it.
Sometimes the kid wakes up at night and wants to crawl into our bed in the middle of the night, and H and I giggle and battle each other over who gets to go sleep alone in the guest bed. Because sleeping alone is often a much nicer sleep. That said, I'd be too lonely to do it every night. But then I'm a needy jerk that way.
If sleeping apart is more comfortable for whatever reason, I don't think it means the relationship is unhealthy any more than I think sleeping together is by itself a hallmark of a stable marriage.
You're right. I was just talking about this with a friend who is a marriage counselor. He made the point you did, that sleeping together is a relatively new construct. My experience is that people who can't fathom sleeping apart in their relationship are very quick to judge and feel comfortable judging when it comes to this topic.
I say to hell with that. My marriage has no chance if I am dragging myself around because I only got 4-5 hours sleep (and poor quality at that) due to my H's different schedule and his horrible snoring and tossing and turning. Sleeping separately some of the time is HUGE to me. It makes me feel loved because I know that he understands my sleep issues and is willing to help me out.
I don't like to cuddle when sleeping, I don't want to be touched when sleeping. My marriage would be worse off than it is now if I felt that I HAD to sleep with my H every night. I'd be dragging myself around and resent him for it.
Are you serious???
Married couples sleeping in the same bed is not a new phenomenon. It's true that at different periods of time it was common practice for certain segments of society to sleep separately. But this was not the norm for most of society.
The lord of the manor might sleep in a different bedchamber than his lady wife, but everyone else in the damned place and on the entire estate and adjoining village slept with their spouse.
And separate beds in the 50's was about as accurate as housewives vaccuuming in pearls and heels.
Click me, click me!
You're referring to European culture, where indeed, it was more common than naught to sleep with your wife unless you were nobility. In many Asian (and quite a few African) cultures, sleeping apart from your legal spouse was quite common for various reasons.
Are you serious???
Would I ever, if given the opportunity, have a separate bedroom from my H? No. I love snuggling and talking together before we go to sleep at night and Saturday mornings when we wake up. I unconsciously snuggle close to him every night. He's warm. Except for the recent bout of sickness we both had. There was no where I could go to get away from his hideously loud coughing. There was about 2.5 weeks of little sleep. So it would be nice to have a guest bedroom for that purpose.
Stuff wise we don't need separate bedrooms cause neither of us really have a ton of stuff. What I would like is a larger laundry room but that's apartment living for you.
Does it count as separate if you're sleeping not sleeping next to your husband because he picked wife number 3?
P.S. If you've never seen it, Raise the Red Lantern is a fascinating movie.
Click me, click me!
IT DOES COUNT! haha.
Mostly I was thinking of various asian cultures where couples slept apart pretty much unless they were planning on having sex that night.
Are you serious???
I'd like to have a separate space, yes. That only I get to use.
But I like sharing a bedroom.
I read this as "various alien cultures"...
/carry on
I feel the same way as RaiKai. If it works for other people though, and for other (personal or medical) reasons then I say do what works for them as a couple. As long as each person is ok with the arrangement then more power to them.
I bet there are a lot of people in the world getting a really crappy night's sleep because of the "taboo" of married couples sleeping separately.
I like to sleep with my husband in the same bed, but we do not do pillow talk, snuggling, cuddling, spooning or any of that stuff. We sleep.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
AE
/gavel