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some IL advice
Hi again ladies! I've only written only one or two times before, but I have something else that I would appreciate advice about.
Lately the ILs have been complaining to DH about the myriad things that are "wrong" with our current life situation, but I haven't been in their presence to tell them to stop. DH has lived almost his whole life being told that every little thing was a bad move or not good enough and it is finally getting to him.
The way that they treat him has been a point of contention between DH and I, so I am glad that he is able to see what I've been seeing the whole time and now he wants to take a stand. He would like me to help him and I'm all for this.
The thing is, the ILs have cut back a lot on how often they complain about things in front of both of us. I think they know that I'm done with hearing it because I stood up to my MIL (she's the main culprit, but FIL can be a jerk sometimes, too) so they just complain to DH.
So what I'm wondering is, what is the best way to go about confronting them? Do we just wait for a complaint to occur the next time we're there for dinner (which might not happen if I'm there) or is this something that we should address before it happens again?
Any advice or similar experiences are appreciated! Thanks in advance 
Re: some IL advice
"it's none of your business"
"i'll take that under advisement" (and then don't)
"i'm an adult and can make my own decisions, thanks"
etc.
your H needs to grow a pair - they are his parents and he can't think of what to say??
also - can you give some examples of what they are commenting on? it helps when giving you strategies of how to respond.
FET - transferred two embryos (boy and girl) - Nov 2014 - BFP!
You can't control how your ILs act, and unfortunately you can't control how your H reacts. He's spent a lifetime with this type of behavior (constantly being told everything he does is wrong), so it's probably going to take a while for him to change.
You can encourage him to respond with some of the things Booby recommended, or talk to him in advance about some things he is comfortable saying. Practice, if he wants, because changing behavior can take practice and preparation. Be reassuring, and patient with him (easier said than done, I know).
All that aside, should your ILs pull this shiit with you, respond how you see fit. Don't worry about being seen as the bad guy/wife. They only continue this behavior because they're not checked on it.
Thank you all!
I guess part of me just wants to show them who's boss and sweep DH away with me in triumph, but they are HIS family and this is something he should do. Coaching is a good idea, and those responses sound effective
I'll run some of these by him tonight.
I know you want to stand as a united front with your DH, but he needs to 'handle' his family - not you. In my experiences, it's been evident that when you 'take a stand', DH's side will put more focus on you as the bad guy rather than the issue at hand. Remember, blood is thicker than water.
Also, you asked when would be an appropriate time for DH to say something to them. I suggest not in the heat of the moment. He should approach the IL's (face-to-face) and have a calm chat when they aren't in the middle of picking at him. That way, he is clear-headed and non emotional. Things are never going to be 'discussed' when someone has to be offended first.