October 2008 Weddings
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: QOTD
I read it the same way Tania. And the second half more so a make sure you designate early legally who will be legal guardian. There are so many news stories of families going to court because there was no legal documentation of who will look after the kids if the parents die. I personally don't think she was undermining anyones intelligence, more so just reminding as Tania said that Godparents aren't always appointed legal guardian and it shouldn't be assumed. Heck maybe Kathy had a situation like that in her family or with someone close to her and always hopes to remind parents to appoint legal guardians so there no one else has to go through that.
I'm not a religious (anymore) person so my kids will not have official Godparents. However, I was raised Catholic and it is my understanding (though I may be incorrect) that the Godparents are those who will help you raise your child with a love of God to help keep them faithful follows of the church. But again doesn't mean that these people will become legal guardians. Though most of the time they are the ones designated in the parents will. So by her saying that it is just more for tradition/ceremony rather than legally is correct.
I do have to say that the choice of words could have been better on her part.
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I think we all understand this but that is not what was said. She said that Godparents are unimportant. As a Catholic, Godparents are important to me so I personally did not appreciate the comment. My Godparents were not the same individuals whom my parents chose as legal guardians in their wills for my siblings and I when we were growing up. I did not value my Godparents any less simply because they were not my appointed legal guardians in the event of a tragedy.
First of all... I am so sorry... i never went back into that other post and had no idea that there were more comments on the comment I made! I wasn't ignoring anyone. I took a few days off from paying attention to nesting while I was involved in laying off 10 people on TUesday and Wednesday, and so it was a busy day.
As for my comment...
I don't believe that Godparents are unimportant. As a catholic girl growing up, I had wonderful Godparents. But Godparents, in the case of most people I know, were more like "favorite aunts or uncles that gave me special attention." Now, that's awesome, but other than showing up when I made my first communion, there certainly wasn't a strong religious factor to the relationship.
BUT more importantly, here's the practicality of it all.
My godmother was my father's halfsister. My godfather was my father's cousin (who is in no way related to my father's halfsister). If my parents had died, who would have been my guardian?
Oh, and my sister's godmother was an aunt (we can't stand) and her god father was an uncle on the other side of the family. So, if my parents had died, there would have been 4 people who potentially were at claim for 2 children, who would be separated based on "Godparent status".
Godparents are awesome for the purpose. They give kids special attention growing up, sometimes, and sometimes they don't. But my point was that this does not replace the very important process of determining a GUARDIAN for your children, that may OR may not be the same people as a Godparent.
I'm totally sorry if I offended anyone by not repsonding more to my post over on the other thread. I'll find it and c/p this on it so that there's no more confusion.
Also, "Mystery", it was not my intention to insult every mother and mother-to-be on this board... and if it's true that that's what I did, then please let me know, and I'll bid the board adieu. My intention was to make sure that people are making plans for the incredibly unlikely event that they leave their children parentless, and not just think that selecting a godparent was all one had to do. I can't tell you how many people I know, even with school age children, don't have a plan. And god forbid something happens, how tragically heartbreaking would it be to any of us to watch children of friends and family we love be torn in a court system because they first have to deal with the fact that their parents died and then have to suffer because their parents hadn't made legal plans for what happens if that occurs.
Unless I was insulting to mothers and mothers to be because I said that godparents were ceremonial and unimportant? That can't be what you mean, because then you'd be assuming that they all mothers and motherstobe share one religious view point, so, that can't be it.
Anyway, if that's the deal here, that I'm that I insulted just about every woman on the board here, that's fine. Just let me know and I'll move on from here.
No you insulted every mother and mother-to-be by assuming that we are all too stupid to realize the difference between a Godparent and a legal guardian. There was definitely a discussion this week or last week about who we would leave our future kids to.
pooks' post was referring to the difficulty of choosing the right person, etc... clearly the sentiment is important to her despite the legality of it. as i already said, i'm not religious and not choosing godparents but it obviously upsets the people who believe so strongly in the value of them and to claim that it's unimportant IS offensive.
and when you begin the sentence with 'with all due respect,' you already know you are about to offend someone.
Zoey Emma 08.18.10
I see. I said you were all stupid. Got it. Yep, you saw right through me. That was TOTALLY my point.
Though, your point about there being a whole discussion on another thread about it raises an interesting point...
I didn't read the "who would you leave your kids to" thread, because I have nothing to add. I don't read the many "moms and moms to be" threads, because I have nothing to add or learn. I don't read the "pregnant moms check in here" thread, because, well, duh. And I don't read the "TTC" posts because (a) I'm not and (b) I sometimes feel absolutely terribly guilty that I'm so clear that I don't want to have kids when some very very lovely women who will make wonderful mothers someday suffer here so much, and it is heartbreaking to me.
Maybe it *is* time I left the board. With every passing day, almost all of you are getting more involved and focused on an amazing part of your life, and I am so very happy for all of you that have children and are growing or trying to grow your family. And I'm really happy for all of you that you have such a sense of community here and can get information and support from each other. But with that said, every day, I have less and less in common with all of you, and it's hard for me sometimes to come onto this site and find a post that I can participate in or get something from. Not that it's a waste of my time, because it's not, and I do love hearing about what you're all doing in your lives. But it's like I'm on a sideline, which is okay, but I wonder sometimes how long I'll stay on the sidelines before deciding to walk away.
I guess I always felt like, at some point, it would just be clear that I shouldn't come around any more. And maybe that's now. Maybe if people misunderstand that my plea to not confuse the importance of selecting a Godparent with the importance of selecting a legal guardian and documenting it is insulting and calling people stupid, then I've missed something along the way about how to interact on this board. I mean, I was SOOO off base in the full nature of the insultingness of my comment that you had to post anonymously to tell me so. I mean, if that isn't a big call to attention for me that maybe I've overstayed longer in a community that's moved (totally appropriately!) in a different direction, I don't know what is.
I'm not GBCN'ing... but I'm going to sit on this and think for a while. No one needs to respond back to this (either with a "no, don't go" or a "maybe you're right and you should leave") -- I'm not looking to be reassured in any direction, so please don't feel like I'm fishing. I'm not. I'm just sharing my reaction to this whole thing while I'm having it, in an attempt to be honest about it.
Again, i never meant to insult or offend or insinuate that i thought anyone here was stupid. And I'm a little heartbroken that, after 3+ years here, anyone truly thought that was my intention.
I have no idea what's going on, however I just spit my water out when I saw that pic of my grams! I forgot about that.
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Kathy I would prefer you not leave. There will always be heated discussions and ultitmately I was not overly offended (only speaking as the OP here and not anyone else of course). I appreciate all view points and have to say being on the nest has often forced me to look at thing from a different perspective which is always good.
I have always appreciated your candor and good advice!!
C'mon, Mystery, I wasn't insulted. So there you go -- Kathy didn't insult every mother on the board. I never thought she thought I or anyone else on the board is stupid.
I don't know that I was "insulted" necessarily but I was irritated. I understand she was sharing her opinion, but she could've been a little more tactful about it. Jordan doesn't have godparents but I would never tell anyone that "godparents are unimportant".
ETA: I've been ruminating on this because I feel bad that you don't want to post here anymore. And, I've come up with two things:
1. I'm sure it's different now that practically everyone is, has been, or is trying to get KU. I've had the opposite experience. I went from the only one with a child to now having a whole board to talk to about kids. However, I still had a good time when I was the odd duck. I would imagine that you could too.
2. In recent memory, you've told two people that upcoming events in their lives were "unimportant" and "just ceremonial". Stacey's graduation and Pooks' godparents. Lots of things in everyone's lives are "just ceremonial" that doesn't make them "unimportant". Whether you intend to or not, it comes off (to me) as belittling. I'm not going to say whether I want you to stay or go because you specifically asked us not to. However, I will say, the road travels two ways.
Welcome to the dark side
Em -- thanks for the feedback, and for editing for more of your thoughts. I've got thoughts about what you've said in your second point, and their mixed, so i'm refraining from replying, because i don't think it needs to be said. I appreciate that you've shared your feelings and will try in the future to think about not sharing the opinions I have that could come off as belittling.
Thanks,
Kath y
Another important point. I don't think you were trying to belittle anybody. That's how I felt. So, yeah, there's that. I couldn't tell if you were being sarcastic or not, so I wasn't sure how to respond. Further proof that there is need for a sarcasm font.
Welcome to the dark side