Family Matters
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Getting Pressured on attending church with IL
Wrong. Church is about God. Not family. Church is where you go to learn about God, talk to God, etc. Not to socialize. Yes, there are church functions which are great for socializing and meeting like minded members of the community, but you need to decide which church is right for you guys based on your own beliefs.
I would find a church with a great youth/young marrieds group, that is separate from the older folks, and I would join that one.
It seems wierd if church is important to your ILS that they would not attend a church without you.
Your other option, if you live far enough away from the ILS, is to find a church 10-15 minutes in the OPPOSITE direction from where they live. So if they are 10 minutes away and you find a church that is 15 minutes away, they are stuck driving almost 1/2 hour to church. They may miss quite a few Sundays!
At one time I belonged to the same church as my parents. We just went to separte masses. My mom would say "aren't you going to Midnight Mass on Christmas?" and I would say "nope."
frankly i dont see why ANY of this has to be discussed with them in the first place. don't tell them what you're doing, why, where etc...
however-they are entitled to and can join any church that they want to for whatever reason they have and it doesn't matter if you like it or not-plain and simple.
perhaps you need to find a church about 3 hours away that they'll never go to.
Then take a stand on THOSE things, not on church.
For goodness sakes, you can't sit in a pew with these people singing hymns and listening to a sermon for an hour once a week?
I understand not wanting to hang out with them constantly. I understand feeling like they're not giving you space. But THAT'S the issue you and YH need to be addressing with your ILs. Talk to them about boundaries, dropping by uninvited, interrupting your evenings, calling too often, trying to take over your weekends, etc.
You're fighting a battle you can't win over something you can't enforce. Grow a pair and get firm about boundaries you CAN enforce. You're making church the place to take a stand, when in reality, it's probably the easiest and least-involved way you can spend time with your ILs, and could very well make it easier for you to gently push them out of other areas of your life together. I'd rather attend church with my ILs than, say, go out to eat with them once a week.
Let them come to church with you, and start putting your foot down about them invading space that's actually yours to invade.