Hi - new with a huge problem (long)

TarponMonoxide · April 2011

Counseling for you; you have NOT learned to handle a problem on your own as an adult --- and you DO not disclose to anybody else what is going on in your marriage; I am suprised you didn't catch a river of sh!t from him for this one:

He can't really explain why he does this.. but I called his parents (as I have done 3 other times) and they came to our apartment to help. He cried and said he doesn't know why this happens but he has a problem and thinks he is addicted to sex. He willingly gave up his cell phone and we got him one where he doesn't have texting or internet and I blocked every girls number I know of, and I also banned him from our laptop. He has signed up for counseling.

I say the crying and the boohoohooihaaaveaprooooblem.... is nothing but a big fat copout. He's only sorry he was caught.

Big whoop. He can run out and get another phone, one ya don't know about.

And do you want to be an equal partner....or his MOM????

Sister, cut your losses and go. No, not go --- run like the devil is after you. You need this azzhole like Charlie Sheen needs another live tour.

magsugar13 · April 2011

She isn't listening girls!!

BettyBookworm · April 2011

I know its hard OP, it must be heartbreaking.

However, you absolutely DO NOT deserve this bullshiit. Please pack a bag to stay with family & leave this sorry excuse for a man. He has pushed his luck (to say the very very least) one too many times. You don't NEED someone like that in your life.

Get yourself tested for STD's and for God's sake. Don't take the arsehole back. Move on and focus on your children. This is not a healthy environment for them if you are miserable & hurting. Please get some counseling for yourself & divorce this idiot.

Edit: Well, Christ on a bike! You're not married?!! Leave him NOW! Get out while you still can. You absolutely don't deserve this treatment, honey.

cmeinla · April 2011

OP, if you can not leave this lying piece of sh!t for yourself, do it for your daughter. Your daughter is learning from you how to behave. Do you really want her to think that this is a NORMAL relationship? Do you really want her to sit there with one baby and pregnant with another going through the same crap you are? Don't you think she deserves better than that? I think she deserves a heck of a lot more, but you are the ONLY one who can give her that.

LoriFalce · April 2011

violetvirgo · April 2011

imo when someone says "i'm addicted to sex" it translates to "this sounds like a good excuse". i don't buy it for a second and you need to get the hell out of that toxic environment. i mean...do you really want to raise a child with someone like that?

califorever81 · April 2011

I want to jump in with a little story about my previous marriage. I was married for 8 years to a man who, I found out later, constantly emotionally cheated on me over the internet through poker websites, dating sites, and eventually moved on to IMs, texts, and phone calls. Pretty much all the standard stuff, naked photos, talking dirty etc. In one he even told a girl he was married but his wife "Didn't do it for him anymore." I didn't find all this out until we were 3 years and 2 kids into our marriage. He cried, he begged for forgiveness, he called it a disease. I forgave him, he went to counseling, I had another child with him, I caught him at least 5 more times after that. I stayed for the kids. I told myself that he's "a good father" "I can't do it on my own" "it's not fair to the kids", all the while being miserable and keeping him on such a short leash I became his parent, not his partner. Eventually, he got tired of that leash and decided to leave me. Best thing that ever happened to me, and I realized it about 2 days later. He tried to take it back, he begged for me to come home, even threatened suicide, but I didn't budge. The only thing I regret about it ending is that it didn't happen sooner, I was literally blinded by my helplessness, even though it didn't exist. I am now married to a wonderful man who loves my kids like his own (they are out there!!!), respects me and our relationship, and is my partner. My kids are happier too, because they see my happiness. They now know there is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself and your happiness. Anyhow, didn't mean to make this so long, but I wish someone had told me all this years ago, so much time and pain was wasted.

RedCardinal · April 2011

I wouldn't put up with that shiit. You don't deserve that.

jonnysgirl07 · April 2011

W O W!!!!!

this is rediculous! I don't even know where to start. I basically agree with everyone that you need to get out. This will ONLY HURT YOUR CHILDREN! So don't use that excuse because that's what it is....a excuse! sick freak(your "man"..i mean "child")

iverske9 · April 2011

I feel so sorry for your daughter...you are showing her it is good to fall in love with a known cheater, porn addictied jerk and marry him and have numerous babies. Big suprise there are women out there that do this it is there mother who showed them it was ok.

If I were you I would get the hell out and for gods sake stop having children with this idiot.

mebywf08 · April 2011

This.

What are you trying to teach your children? Especially your FEMALE child? That it's okay to be walked all over? That men can do whatever they want and women are helpless? Ridiculous.

And the fact that you would post something like this looking for any advice other than "leave his @**" is just amusing.

Meglit89 · April 2011

Run far. Run fast. Watch some soaps and feel better.

thealphabride · April 2011

sarie1621:
RaiKai:
sarie1621:
Megamuff:

I could write a novel and thoroughly explain everything wrong with this situation, but you just did.

So, I'll keep it simple and just say leave his sorry ass.

I know, trust me.. I've thought about this a MILLION times. (although it's not as easy as walking away when you have a 5 month old and are 8 weeks pregnant..again)

Yeah, well, plenty of people do it. My own mother managed on her own with two young kids and being 7 months pregnant with her third because my dad was a cheater, too.

This is why you don't have kids with cheating, lying douchebags.

As for the addiction thing:

1. I do not believe he has an addiction. He IS a completely selfish ass. I think he just watched too much Celebrity Rehab and it sounded good to him.

2. Even if he did, it is not something that is going to change overnight. I pretty much guarantee he has already had many physical affairs, and put you (and your unborn children) at risk. He would likely relapse MANY times.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO STAY WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS AN ADDICTION, SEXUAL OR OTHERWISE.

This is not a dynamic you want to be involved in.

3. What do you plan to do about the trust? The communication? The fact he lies? The complete lack of respect? The fact he does not listen to you? How is THAT going to be repaired?

What is there exactly to go back to you when your entire relationship has been this fvcked up and dysfunctional?

I know, I don't know how to fix it. I thought we would start by removing everything and going to counseling.

For me, I see our relationship as a marriage. And you should do WHATEVER it takes to make it work because it's fair to my children. All problems aside, he is a good father... and I grew up with divorced, fighting parents and it was hell.

I guess thats what I'm thinking about, that good or bad I should work through issues and help him fix what he needs for us and for my babies.

Darling, Your relationship doesn't even come close to being a marriage. He didn't make VOWS to you or you to him. YOU have no legal protection that marriage provides. and it's much better to be from a broken home than to live in one. You must separate yourself from this asshat and CREATE a stable a loving home for your children. You are old enough to have them, now it is your responsibility to take care of them because this guy in INCAPABLE of even taking care of himself let alone you and his children. Go into counseling immediately ALONE and figure out why you accept this kind of behavior from a man. Surround yourself with your own support system. You need to get away from this guy to gain clairty, take a step away. Your responsibility is to be the best mom you can be right now.

NewportAlana9 · April 2011

Stories like these break my heart...more men these days seem to have addictions and problems and so many women arent strong enough to live for themselves (and if they have children their children as well) and realize they can have much better they dont need to settle for this...Praying for this girl...I will say I was young and dumb once but God came through and I know I will be happy with my future!

NoSilver · April 2011

My stomach is actually in knots over this. It's disgusting and frankly, I feel like you have been coming up with excuses for him. Please, PLEASE get yourself some help. No self respecting woman with any ounce of self esteem would be okay with something like this. Especially when you have children with him. If you value yourself and your children you will get the hell out of there.

I also don't understand why you weren't more careful so soon after having had your first child. You knew these things about him. I just... I can't wrap my head around this.

I realize this post is from earlier this month but I just stumbled across it. I apologize for re hashing this.

Warden08 · May 2011

I would tell him to get help (counselor or therapy) or leaving. I watched two of my friends go through this and one left and him told him to get the help and he straightened up. My other friend didnt take the advice she got pregnant he ended up cheating on her with his x girl friend got her pregnant too and he left her for the other girl.

Hi - new with a huge problem (long)

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