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No thank you note 10 months after wedding?
I got married 7 years ago, so maybe things have changed a bit. We went to the wedding of a good friend of DH's (she was the bride) last August. It was a big, formal wedding with a reception at a country club in the northeast. I think there were 400 guests. We traveled there, DH did a reading in the ceremony, and of course we gave a gift.
It's now 10 months later and we haven't gotten a thank you note. Do you think this is normal? We've seen this person a couple of times since the wedding. Maybe she hasn't written thank you notes because there were too many people? I'm not annoyed at all (I just realized that we haven't got a note, hence it has been on my mind), but just thinking that this isn't what is "expected" from weddings--right?
Re: No thank you note 10 months after wedding?
DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012
Having a big wedding is not an excuse for not sending thank you notes.
I think some people think they have up to a year to write them. That isn't really true or advisable, but maybe she's taking that kind of time.
We haven't gotten a thank you note from my husband's friend who got married three years ago. Some people are just super rude and that's it.
Etiquette has not changed in the last 7 years. With a big wedding like that, I would have given the bride and groom 2-3 months to get the thank you notes out, but that's about it.
Some people (including on the know) perpetuate the myth (which is based in nothing) that you have a year to do thank you notes. So maybe they think they still have time, but I think it would be fine to casually confirm that they received your gift at this point.
No. Not that much.
No, I think it's rude.
That would be a BS reason not to write a TY note. Complete BS. You're not absolved of acknowledging the generosity of one because there were many who were also generous. Shame on the bride.
That would make you a bigger person than I. I get annoyed when I don't get a TY note, because I usually put thought and effort into the gift. A simple "thank you" is all that I need, but I get really irritated at the entitlement of brides (and people in general) who don't feel they have to say it.
its not uncommon here to receive a thank you a year later.
My personal opinion is that in this day and age, electronic thank yous are actually better, as I think that can be issued in a much more timely fashion. But generally handwritten notes are still expected for weddings.
we sent ours out within a month. We got married in August. Friends of ours that got married the March before us teased us that we were too fast because our thankyou cards arrived at the same time. They were "mad" at me for making them look bad. I wanted to tell them that they made themselves look bad without my help.
Exactly my thoughts.
I get really annoyed when people don't send thank you notes. I just spend a bunch of money on you, there's no excuse for a lack of a thank you note.
Definitely not okay for weddings. Or, I would say, for any mass gifting event. Too easy to basically send out a mail merge, which would be even worse than sending out a non-personalized thank you card (meaning the kind with a pre-printed "Thanks so much for your generosity! Love, The Smiths" instead of a handwritten note).
Also, except for an interview thank you, where time is of the essence because a decision is going to be made, nobody needs a thank you so urgently that snail mail won't work.
I was a bit over the top with the thank you's going out promptly b/c I'm anal and my mom had instilled thank you notes into my head from about age 5.
If you sent a gift before the wedding I wrote the thank you and mailed it w/in a week. If you gave a gift at the wedding the thank you went out the week later.
One of the many reasons DH and I waited a week to leave on our HM was so we could get all the post wedding stuff out of the way, like thank yous, getting our house back in order, etc.
Wives Unscripted
As a recent bride, please let me remind that etiquette rules give brides 12 mos to get out all their thank you notes.
For our wedding, the post office lost 12 invitations, 8 replies and 6 thank you notes.
The best course of action is to politely mention to the bride that you did not receive her note. If she wrote a note, she will apologize for it going awry. If she did not write a note, she will get a move on.
Actually, this is a misconception. Etiquette allows a *guest* 12 months to *give* a gift. A bride and groom still have the responsibility of gracefully acknowledging that gift with a note ASAP (within three months, according to Emily Post).
Not true.
http://emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/671-inside-weddings-expressing-gratitude
http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/photogallery/writing-thank-you-notes#slide_3
This is BS. I do not know who perpetuates this myth, but it's wrong!!
I think that is a long time to wait, definitely. But I am also never sitting around waiting for my thank you note when I give someone a gift. I usually forget and am pleasantly surprised when I get one.
That being said I have been carrying around a huge amount of guilt because I have a few people from my wedding who never recieved their thank you notes because from the time I sent out invites to after the wedding they moved and we did ask for the new addresses repeatedly but never got them. I have the notes all written out and everything. These are people that DH and I barely know but we "had" to invite due to requests from our parents.
Also, we recieved a card and money from someone who did not attend our wedding (it was in our birdcage at the reception) that NO ONE knew... We asked around on both sides of both of our families and we could not figure out who this person was!! So obviously, that person did not recieve a thank you
Out of all the weddings/showers I've gone to in the past five years, I've gotten two thank-you notes. Both were from the same person and only because her MIL made her sit down and write them.
Jim & Kristen ~ August 19, 2006
No no no no no. People have 1 year to send a wedding gift, not 1 year to send thank you notes.
It is more common in the NE to send photo cards, so maybe there's an issue with the photographer or something? Some people don't want to choose something without seeing it printed first, or maybe there was an error in the proof?
I might actually contact the couple and "innocently" ask if they received your gift--that maybe the card got detached or that you've been having "trouble" with your online banking. I have justpha and did that to one of my friends--the response was "Oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed, I've had your TY card on my desk for the longest time but needed your new address!" I got it a few days later...and I had just moved, so it was totally legit.
For some reason, the idea of having one year to write TY notes for weddings is stuck in my head. I know from one couple who were married 6 years ago, we received our thank-you at around month 11.
I think within 3-4 months is reasonable. Not that it was a superhuman feat, but I was able to get them done within 6 weeks (between being married during fall break of law school and finals week - wanted to get them done prior to finals).
This exactly. I got a bit irritated last year when we went to a wedding and they cashed the check and then didn't thank us until 4 months later.
I sent my thank you notes within a week of each shower and my wedding. It peeves me to no end that people do not send them.
Example: I arranged and shopped for a group gift for a wedding. The group collected several hundreds of dollars, and with careful shopping, I was able to purchase most of the items on bride's registry, then drove approx. 45 minutes to drop the gifts at her home. Nothing was ever said - not even a verbal thank you - and I'm pissed to this day that there was not even a GROUP thank you note. I wish I could take it all back.
Whether or not you were in the wedding has no bearing on TY note status.
Whether or not it was a big wedding has not bearing on TY note status.
Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
Don't drink the water.
Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor.
I don't think it's normal, I think it's rude. How hard is it to write out thank you notes?
I'm still peeved that two years ago, we attended the wedding of one of H's best friends a couple days after H was laid off. Then, we attended the reception of H's brother when I was 39 weeks pregnant. We gave gifts on both occasions and never received thank you notes for either.
Is it rude on the part of the couple (not just her)? Yes.
Is it weird that you're still thinking about it 10 months later? Yes.
I would've written off the idea that one was coming my way at month 4 or 5 - if I was keeping track of it at all. I say you need to let it go. Mentioning it to her at this point does not make you the better person, it makes you the person that was still calling her out on a thank you note at month 10 - when she's probably started planning her first anniversary.