list "Stuff People Without Kids Just Don't Get" here

winterorchids · June 2011

Honestly, it all boils down to being in two very different versions of the same world and how sensitive you are to the people on the other side.

Irritations arise when the people with kids forget to be sensitive to the people who have opted out of that path (temporarily or permanently). And, just the same, irritations arise when people without kids forget to be sensitive to the people who have chosen that route and are just trying to do the best they can with it.

You have the right to live your life how you want to, provided it doesn't infringe upon my right to do the same. But the reality is, some infringing is inevitable. You can't control everything. You can't mute your child when it screams, and if I had one I doubt I'd be able to mute mine either. All you can do is to do whatever you can and try to show sensitivity for others and respect for their lifestyle. Unfortunately, parenting is often exhausting, crazy, and all-consuming, so this can sometimes be a rather challenging task for people with kids. Which is probably why it's easy for us who don't have that gig to find fault in the actions of those who do. But we could all probably do with a little more kindness, a little more consideration, and a little more forgiveness.

I remember at least one time in particular that, in the past, I griped in CW about my inability to understand the appeal of parenthood. So in the event that has anything to do with it, I apologize for my own insensitivity. I don't have issue with parents or kids or how they act, beyond what I described above. I guess it's because I do realize that being a parent is so different and certain changes, actions, and attitudes are inevitable to the process, that, as an outsider, I struggle to understand the appeal. And I really don't have a place to talk about it other than here and felt CW was the safest place to say it. But anyhow, I'm sorry others are feeling judged or attacked. To be honest, I'm fairly disenchanted with the board myself, so I'm inclined to think it may be bigger than even just people with kids.

hannikan · June 2011

What saddens me most about the rift that inevitably happens between those women who have a child/children and those who don't is that some of us will never have children, but we will be vastly in the minority. So I feel like I am going to be increasingly (if I never have a child, which is a very real possibility) isolated from nearly all other women. That scares the crap out of me. And it isn't anyone's fault in particular, mine nor the friends I have who are moms. It's just something that will happen without anyone having control over it. And I do get mad that I don't think this happens to men. Men's lives change when they have a child, of course, but I don't think it changes their relationship with men who aren't dads so much.

mrs.moosie · June 2011

hannikan:
What saddens me most about the rift that inevitably happens between those women who have a child/children and those who don't is that some of us will never have children, but we will be vastly in the minority. So I feel like I am going to be increasingly (if I never have a child, which is a very real possibility) isolated from nearly all other women. That scares the crap out of me. And it isn't anyone's fault in particular, mine nor the friends I have who are moms. It's just something that will happen without anyone having control over it. And I do get mad that I don't think this happens to men. Men's lives change when they have a child, of course, but I don't think it changes their relationship with men who aren't dads so much.

That is so true H! I feel that way too. When all of my friends get together, everyone puts their babies on the floor and talks about milestones and what their kid can do, and exchanges war stories. I just sit there and smile and nod. I mean, I am curious about how their kid is doing, and like to be updated. But, I know they haven't read the newest book I have, or watched the latest episode of whatever, and I feel like I don't have anything to talk about (that they would be interested in). It's especially uncomfortable when they go around talking about their labor or delivery (maybe I just have really weird friends). And like you said, it's not any of our faults that different things are important to us, but it can feel really isolating.

secretkeeper321 · June 2011

hannikan:
What saddens me most about the rift that inevitably happens between those women who have a child/children and those who don't is that some of us will never have children, but we will be vastly in the minority. So I feel like I am going to be increasingly (if I never have a child, which is a very real possibility) isolated from nearly all other women. That scares the crap out of me. And it isn't anyone's fault in particular, mine nor the friends I have who are moms. It's just something that will happen without anyone having control over it. And I do get mad that I don't think this happens to men. Men's lives change when they have a child, of course, but I don't think it changes their relationship with men who aren't dads so much.

(((((Hug)))))

Thank you for sharing your feelings. There is a lot bundled up in your post.

Don't let it scare the crap out of you. Yes, Motherhood is HUGE. However, I look at my friends who have little ones and my friends that have kids who are older and it is altogether a totally different dynamic. I think that having a baby/toddler/little one is totally consuming (at least that has been my experience). Yet, I see those with older kiddos and they seem to have more of a personal life than I can hope for at this point. Does that make sense? Are most of your friends with kids, Moms with little ones? Like all phases in our lives with friends, they ebb and flow....you'll gravitate towards those with similar interests irregardless of parental status. And your true friends will always be around.

As for the double standard....yep, I agree. DH's life has changed, but not as drastically as mine did. I think his life changed more when we got married in comparison to mine. DH will go over a friend's house to watch the game and I'll ask what they talked about...he'll say, we watched the game....yah, but what'd you talk about while you watched the game?....we wouldn't be watching if we were talking. Ay Dios Mio, MEN!

hannikan · June 2011

mrs.moosie:

That is so true H! I feel that way too. When all of my friends get together, everyone puts their babies on the floor and talks about milestones and what their kid can do, and exchanges war stories. I just sit there and smile and nod. I mean, I am curious about how their kid is doing, and like to be updated. But, I know they haven't read the newest book I have, or watched the latest episode of whatever, and I feel like I don't have anything to talk about (that they would be interested in). It's especially uncomfortable when they go around talking about their labor or delivery (maybe I just have really weird friends). And like you said, it's not any of our faults that different things are important to us, but it can feel really isolating.

My friends do that, too. And again, I don't mind listening at all but when you don't have much to contribute you feel invisible there. Like maybe I should just slip out the back door. I feel like when I'm only hanging out with one mom we talk about other stuff as well as their kid(s) and it's all good. It's more when it's a group of moms and I'm the odd non-mom out that I feel most isolated. And it's also hard in my case because I do want to have a child but we just can't yet (and we may not ever depending on DH's work/condition). So it makes it a little painful, too.

mrs.moosie · June 2011

And yes, thank you very much Stef for pointing out that my parent friends have been part of my CWs sometimes. You're so helpful.

With respect to all the parents, I just have to say that I kind of feel like throwing down the "see, this is why we don't post here anymore" card is a bit of a cop-out here. This board has been majorly dead for weeks, without any kind of special "parent v. nonparent drama" (which this wasn't intended to be in the first place) causing it. I could be wrong, but I don't think this in particular is why people don't post here. It was dying way before this came up (and we have dozens of lightly commented on posts to show that).

hannikan · June 2011

secretkeeper321:

(((((Hug)))))

Thank you for sharing your feelings. There is a lot bundled up in your post.

Don't let it scare the crap out of you. Yes, Motherhood is HUGE. However, I look at my friends who have little ones and my friends that have kids who are older and it is altogether a totally different dynamic. I think that having a baby/toddler/little one is totally consuming (at least that has been my experience). Yet, I see those with older kiddos and they seem to have more of a personal life than I can hope for at this point. Does that make sense? Are most of your friends with kids, Moms with little ones? Like all phases in our lives with friends, they ebb and flow....you'll gravitate towards those with similar interests irregardless of parental status. And your true friends will always be around.

As for the double standard....yep, I agree. DH's life has changed, but not as drastically as mine did. I think his life changed more when we got married in comparison to mine. DH will go over a friend's house to watch the game and I'll ask what they talked about...he'll say, we watched the game....yah, but what'd you talk about while you watched the game?....we wouldn't be watching if we were talking. Ay Dios Mio, MEN!

Aw, thanks. There is a lot rolled up in it. They do have little ones now mostly but even when I'm around older moms (who of course are mostly my own mom's age) there's this wall between you and them. Again, mostly in a group, not one on one. Older moms often don't know what to do with those of us who don't have (either because we don't want one or can't currently have one) kids. This comes up from time to time with my own mother. Maybe when women our age get older it will be different. That may be a generational thing more. We'll see. I also feel like some women judge me that I chose to marry someone who can't make a baby with me and we always knew that (which is different than being blindsided by infertility). Like if you wanted a baby why did you marry a guy in a wheelchair? Of course no one is going to say that but I do feel like some women think that. And I know these are not women with whom I am very close friends but still ones with whom I might spend time. That sounded very with whomy Stick out tongue

StefandTodd · June 2011

mrs.moosie:

You actually pointed it out, M. I was answering a collection of posts saying they hadn't seen it at all with your post saying, "I've been posting it, and here's why..." What's with your sarcasm?

I also gave my reasons why I mostly post on the baby board (which is not really related to anything to do with today's postings).

And though it doesn't pertain to me, with regards to your "cop out" statement - none of this is new or related to board slowedom within the last couple weeks. There was a huuuuge to-do awhile back...it has been many months, maybe even approaching a year?...but it brought out this sort of "board war" between this and the baby board and it stemmed exactly from posts of this nature - what people here were saying they would or wouldn't do when they were parents. Someone from the baby board read it and posted about how much it bothered them on the baby board. Yes, it has been a long time. But, the whole new moms feeling like they would rather post more on the baby board has been something we've talked about here since I was first joining the board. Like, I remember a pregnant ABCLife talking about how and why it happens. None of this - the "moms annoy us when they..." posts that hurt some people's feelings and create between-board tension, the "moms leave the nest for the bump, why?" discussions etc etc etc is new. It always comes back around.

mrs.moosie · June 2011

StefandTodd:
mrs.moosie:

You actually pointed it out, M. I was answering a collection of posts saying they hadn't seen it at all with your post saying, "I've been posting it, and here's why..." What's with your sarcasm?
I also gave my reasons why I mostly post on the baby board (which is not really related to anything to do with today's postings).

And though it doesn't pertain to me, with regards to your "cop out" statement - none of this is new or related to board slowedom within the last couple weeks. There was a huuuuge to-do awhile back...it has been many months, maybe even approaching a year?...but it brought out this sort of "board war" between this and the baby board and it stemmed exactly from posts of this nature - what people here were saying they would or wouldn't do when they were parents. Someone from the baby board read it and posted about how much it bothered them on the baby board. Yes, it has been a long time. But, the whole new moms feeling like they would rather post more on the baby board has been something we've talked about here since I was first joining the board. Like, I remember a pregnant ABCLife talking about how and why it happens. None of this - the "moms annoy us when they..." posts that hurt some people's feelings and create between-board tension, the "moms leave the nest for the bump, why?" discussions etc etc etc is new. It always comes back around.

No sarcasm, just thanks. You have a really good memory, and it's helpful.

I didn't really understand the rest of your post, but it sounded like you agree with me that the board was slow before this thread. So, thanks again! I can see how moms would want to post baby related questions on the baby board (so they can get answers from other, experienced moms). Totally understandable. They're always welcomed here as well.

danandkelly · June 2011

I tried to bite my tongue, but this is pretty annoying.

My one questions, to M, did you create these two posts just for drama, or are you trying to alienate people, or maybe there is some 3rd option that I'm not seeing.

I think you've made it pretty clear (in CWs, and individual posts) that you find parents annoying, kids annoying, and that you think haivng kids or getting pg makes people crazy. You tend to use a joking tone to make it seem less offensive....but anyone who has read enough of your posts realizes that you're not joking.

I will agree that this board has been a bit slow, and needed a little life brought back to it. But creating drama for the sake of drama is pretty lame IMO.

Now, as a parent, I get that my priorities and interests have shifted, and that my kids are not awesome to everyone, I am quite sure that my kids and I annoy people in stores/restaurants/etc. Sh!t my kids annoy me at times I'll be honest about that. But I don't want to be beaten over the head about it from anyone else....just sayin'

StefandTodd · June 2011

mrs.moosie:
StefandTodd:
mrs.moosie:

No sarcasm, just thanks. You have a really good memory, and it's helpful.

I didn't really understand the rest of your post, but it sounded like you agree with me that the board was slow before this thread. So, thanks again! I can see how moms would want to post baby related questions on the baby board (so they can get answers from other, experienced moms). Totally understandable. They're always welcomed here as well.

No, I was saying that posts of this nature have stirred up negative reactions in moms on the boards before. So, the slowness/moms moving on to the bump doesn't directly have to do with your vents of late...but it's also not a "cop out" because the nature of your venting isn't a totally uncommon theme around here.

hannikan · June 2011

This is why/how I miss most of the drama. I never read CW. Wink

mrs.moosie · June 2011

danandkelly:

I tried to bite my tongue, but this is pretty annoying.

My one questions, to M, did you create these two posts just for drama, or are you trying to alienate people, or maybe there is some 3rd option that I'm not seeing.

I think you've made it pretty clear (in CWs, and individual posts) that you find parents annoying, kids annoying, and that you think haivng kids or getting pg makes people crazy. You tend to use a joking tone to make it seem less offensive....but anyone who has read enough of your posts realizes that you're not joking.

I will agree that this board has been a bit slow, and needed a little life brought back to it. But creating drama for the sake of drama is pretty lame IMO.

Now, as a parent, I get that my priorities and interests have shifted, and that my kids are not awesome to everyone, I am quite sure that my kids and I annoy people in stores/restaurants/etc. Sh!t my kids annoy me at times I'll be honest about that. But I don't want to be beaten over the head about it from anyone else....just sayin'

Good questions! Definitely the third option. The first one was a fun way for those of us who do feel annoyed/ confused/ weirded out by some of the things our friends-with-kids do to vent together. And I started the second one to be fair and give parents a fair chance to vent as well.

Sometimes it's a joke, and sometimes it's a vent. All of my contributions were from IRL experiences with friends. Some are silly, and some really do drive me crazy. I didn't see anything wrong with creating a space for other people to vent too (since there were plenty of others who were interested as well). I joke when talking about a lot of things because that's how I communicate. It doesn't mean I think moms are stupid, or that I hate children. Just that my IRL friends (and every one of mine was from actual experience, not a jab or anything at board members) sometimes confuse me because of how they have changed after having kids.

Each post was clearly marked, and gave an idea of what was contained in it, in the title, post description, and disclaimer. It was your choice to read it, so nobody beat you over the head with anything.

ETA: I've definitely noticed that most of your posts directed to or in response to me are usually negative. So I hope you don't mind that I'm going to take just about everything you say with a grain of salt.

andrea3122 · June 2011

hannikan:
mrs.moosie:

That is so true H! I feel that way too. When all of my friends get together, everyone puts their babies on the floor and talks about milestones and what their kid can do, and exchanges war stories. I just sit there and smile and nod. I mean, I am curious about how their kid is doing, and like to be updated. But, I know they haven't read the newest book I have, or watched the latest episode of whatever, and I feel like I don't have anything to talk about (that they would be interested in). It's especially uncomfortable when they go around talking about their labor or delivery (maybe I just have really weird friends). And like you said, it's not any of our faults that different things are important to us, but it can feel really isolating.

My friends do that, too. And again, I don't mind listening at all but when you don't have much to contribute you feel invisible there. Like maybe I should just slip out the back door. I feel like when I'm only hanging out with one mom we talk about other stuff as well as their kid(s) and it's all good. It's more when it's a group of moms and I'm the odd non-mom out that I feel most isolated. And it's also hard in my case because I do want to have a child but we just can't yet (and we may not ever depending on DH's work/condition). So it makes it a little painful, too.

I am with you guys 100%. All of our friends have kids and I love them all and I love getting to see them. But I have nothing to contribute to the group and it is isolating. I know I've isolated myself more than anything because of what we've been through and it's a defense mechanism but I think it's a big part of why I just would rather stay home.

ETA: I was about to delete this and I guess the nest decided to post before I could. I keep trying to put into words what I'm feeling but it's not coming out. I'm stepping out of this post as quick as I came in.

MrsEmm · June 2011

PKW:
Complete honesty....
This kind of thing is only funny when it is a bunch of friends sitting around a table after having had one too many glasses of wine, otherwise it is just annoying and bitchy and screams insensitivity because ultimately...everyone swears up and down until they are blue in the face that they will never do XYZ or would never become XYZ and guess what?
They do it, they become it.
Will my parenting strategy offend some? Possibly.
Will I make mistakes? Definitely.
While I may not agree with everyone else's way of parenting, and do myself get annoyed, frustrated, and on occasion flat out pissed with another parent's inability to parent in particular (who the f lets their 8 year old kid play in a toddler park and shove the little 1-2 year olds down and doesnt do anything about it?) it is still a choice a parent makes.
Parenting is a beast in its own right. It is hard as f to do and the most frustrating and amazing thing a person who chooses it will ever do.
I only half heartedly take offense to these posts. And you can hate me if you want, but you wanted honesty.

I agree 110 percent. I know what humble pie tastes like - and I don't doubt a few others will taste it in their lifetime as well, when it comes to kids.

MrsEmm · June 2011

I like advice from my friends - because they all come from different walks of life and have much to offer, parents and non-parents alike.

However - a non-parent saying "I cant believe they LET their kids THROW TANTRUMS or they let their kids xyz" - is what I think it would sound like if a non-runner said "I would NEVER let my nipples bleed if I were running a marathon!" Its ridiculous - WTH do I know about running marathons??

hannikan · June 2011

MrsEmm:
I like advice from my friends - because they all come from different walks of life and have much to offer, parents and non-parents alike.
However - a non-parent saying "I cant believe they LET their kids THROW TANTRUMS or they let their kids xyz" - is what I think it would sound like if a non-runner said "I would NEVER let my nipples bleed if I were running a marathon!" Its ridiculous - WTH do I know about running marathons??

LOL this totally cracked me up (the bleeding nipples part I mean). I'm not a mom and it bugs me, too, because I know how hard it is to deal with screaming kids from my lil bros.

mrs.moosie · June 2011

MrsEmm:

I like advice from my friends - because they all come from different walks of life and have much to offer, parents and non-parents alike.

However - a non-parent saying "I cant believe they LET their kids THROW TANTRUMS or they let their kids xyz" - is what I think it would sound like if a non-runner said "I would NEVER let my nipples bleed if I were running a marathon!" Its ridiculous - WTH do I know about running marathons??

Indifferent

This is not a comment on your point exactly, but I just didn't know that nipple bleeding was even a thing. (obviously I'm not a parent OR a marathoner)

And, hearing from moms like you and PKW and Julie (whom I really respect and admire) does make me realizeeven more that if I ever become a parent, I probably will do some of the things that I just don't understand right now. And that's fine with me. I'm sure I'll be served an extra big slice of that humble pie you were talking about. But, I also think it's okay for me to be confused and even irritated by some of the things I have personally experienced at this point in my life. I am viewing life and parenting and kids from a certain perspective (and want to talk about it with others through that perspective). If I cross the having-kids bridge, then I will view it from that side, and will talk about it from that point of view. It's not bad or wrong for each of us to have our thoughts and feelings. Just different.

mrscerruti2be · June 2011

PKW and Mrs.Emm said it much more eloquently than I could have.

Ehhh, this topic is something I have discussed for years with friends. I wasn't the first of my friends that had kids and I am not the last. I remember feeling annoyed many times by their children. I remember saying that I wouldn't do those things when I had kids and that I wouldn't let my children behave that way in public etc.

Now being a parent in reality is very different. Did I change after having kids? Yes. Did I want to? No.

The fact is life changes you. I can tell you now that I loved being single. When my friends had boyfriends and were talking marriage, I was shitfaced drunk making out with strangers. AND I LOVED MY LIFE! Didn't mean I didn't love my friends, it just meant that we were at different places. When said friends got engaged and were planning their weddings, did I just want to get shitfaced drunk and hook up with a groomsmen? Yes! Didn't mean I didn't love my wedding obsessed friends. It just meant that I loved my life more!

Am I glad now that my priorities changed? Yes. I love my life now. I sometimes miss the old life of being able to pick up on a moments notice and being able to buy myself all things fabulous without batting an eyelash. However, I just have to look at my sleeping babies every night and realize that I made the right choices to get where I am now and where I want to be.

Am I still Mrs. C funny and fabulous? Yes, but I will discuss how freaking smart my kids are and how f'ing adorable they are for hours. I will also take pis of my son's first poop in the potty for his Daddy. Does that make me sick? Sure, but who the f cares!

I still have the same friends, single and married. Some have kids some don't. If you liked me before kids, I assume you like me after. If you didn't like me before kids, you would still hate me now.

I also wanted to say that it is completely natural to judge others. It's what we as humans do. I am super judgemental about parents. However, now when I see a child melting down in public, I try to give my "i've been there" look. Most parents are just trying to get through their day. Like Mrs.Purple said, we are just in survival mode. I'm thinking that lasts about 18 years or so.

So instead of saying some of you will be eating humble pie one day, i'd like to say it in a not so nice way...You might be f*cked. because there is no reasoning with a 2 1/2 year old. Believe me.

mrs.moosie · June 2011

mrscerruti2be:

PKW and Mrs.Emm said it much more eloquently than I could have.

Ehhh, this topic is something I have discussed for years with friends. I wasn't the first of my friends that had kids and I am not the last. I remember feeling annoyed many times by their children. I remember saying that I wouldn't do those things when I had kids and that I wouldn't let my children behave that way in public etc.

Now being a parent in reality is very different. Did I change after having kids? Yes. Did I want to? No.

The fact is life changes you. I can tell you now that I loved being single. When my friends had boyfriends and were talking marriage, I was shitfaced drunk making out with strangers. AND I LOVED MY LIFE! Didn't mean I didn't love my friends, it just meant that we were at different places. When said friends got engaged and were planning their weddings, did I just want to get shitfaced drunk and hook up with a groomsmen? Yes! Didn't mean I didn't love my wedding obsessed friends. It just meant that I loved my life more!

Am I glad now that my priorities changed? Yes. I love my life now. I sometimes miss the old life of being able to pick up on a moments notice and being able to buy myself all things fabulous without batting an eyelash. However, I just have to look at my sleeping babies every night and realize that I made the right choices to get where I am now and where I want to be.

Am I still Mrs. C funny and fabulous? Yes, but I will discuss how freaking smart my kids are and how f'ing adorable they are for hours. I will also take pis of my son's first poop in the potty for his Daddy. Does that make me sick? Sure, but who the f cares!

I still have the same friends, single and married. Some have kids some don't. If you liked me before kids, I assume you like me after. If you didn't like me before kids, you would still hate me now.

I also wanted to say that it is completely natural to judge others. It's what we as humans do. I am super judgemental about parents. However, now when I see a child melting down in public, I try to give my "i've been there" look. Most parents are just trying to get through their day. Like Mrs.Purple said, we are just in survival mode. I'm thinking that lasts about 18 years or so.

So instead of saying some of you will be eating humble pie one day, i'd like to say it in a not so nice way...You might be f*cked. because there is no reasoning with a 2 1/2 year old. Believe me.

Can we all agree that Mrs.C wins? Because I love all of this.

aj0915 · June 2011

mrscerruti2be:

mrs.c you just WIN the effin internet!!!! and that is why i love you!!!

MsPurple24 · June 2011

I'd love to leave this thread to die, but since I'm definitely one of the ones who was accused of "copping out" by saying that it's one of the reasons I don't frequent the board as often, I feel it's my civic duty to respond.

Stef already made my main argument, which is that it is definitely NOT just this thread that has brought up this topic. It does come up frequently, and just because it's not right there in the subject line doesn't mean that it's not in the tone of certain posters' remarks, both in CW and elsewhere. Back when I migrated to this board from the Knot (in 2008- almost three years ago), this discussion came up several times and got very heated. It has continued to come up occasionally since then, and I knew when I got pregnant that I probably wouldn't be spending as much time on this board.

Wasn't someone just saying recently that she wanted to start a flame-free Friday confessional just to stir things up? Gosh, it's so surprising that two threads pitting moms against non-moms would cause controversy.

P.S. Disclaimers at the beginning of a post do not give the poster immunity from people expressing their discontent over what was posted.

LoLoPanda · June 2011

I can definitely say that I've seen some posts sprinkled here and there, but it's not like it's an overwhelming "anti-mom" energy on this board. I for one enjoy posting here, and I apologize that I haven't lately but being that some of my days are spent at a new job, I'm not at liberty to peruse the Nest like I used too. I also post on the Bump because I think it's a valuable resource for a new mom like me who has no clue what to expect and some other moms can give me advice.

That being said, I agree with WinterOrchids. I completely respect and accept others' choices because I have always said this: EVERYONE has the right to be happy. If not having children right now is what you want, more power to you. If having a child is what you want, go forth and procreate. I don't take the "it makes me crazy when moms do this or that" personally at all unless it's being said to me personally. Then we will address the issue (if need be) like respectful adults, resolve and move on.

mrs.moosie · June 2011

MsPurple24:

I'd love to leave this thread to die, but since I'm definitely one of the ones who was accused of "copping out" by saying that it's one of the reasons I don't frequent the board as often, I feel it's my civic duty to respond.

Stef already made my main argument, which is that it is definitely NOT just this thread that has brought up this topic. It does come up frequently, and just because it's not right there in the subject line doesn't mean that it's not in the tone of certain posters' remarks, both in CW and elsewhere. Back when I migrated to this board from the Knot (in 2008- almost three years ago), this discussion came up several times and got very heated. It has continued to come up occasionally since then, and I knew when I got pregnant that I probably wouldn't be spending as much time on this board.

Wasn't someone just saying recently that she wanted to start a flame-free Friday confessional just to stir things up? Gosh, it's so surprising that two threads pitting moms against non-moms would cause controversy.

P.S. Disclaimers at the beginning of a post do not give the poster immunity from people expressing their discontent over what was posted.

I stated that I wanted a flame free post because *I* needed to get things off my chest and would like an outlet. I was going through stuff (not board related) that I wanted to vent about, but since I can't control what everyone posts, some people might get offended. I also acknowledged that our board could use some excitement (which is something that sooooo many other people have also said many many times). I never said I just wanted to "stir things up".

I do think some posters just come in here when there's "drama". so I don't really know how I am always blamed for being "drama" when others only come around when they've caught wind of things being stirred up.

Disclaimers don't give immunity, but they put the responsibility of reading back into everyones hands. All posts are welcome, full of discontent or not, but you can't blame someone else for your feelings being hurt when you knew that what you are reading might hurt your feelings ("you" in general, not anybody specific).

And nobody started a moms verses non-moms cage fight to the death. It's a place to talk about any and all topics. Everyone feel different ways about all sorts of things. Why should some people's desire to not read things they disagree with trump others' rights to talk about a subject they want?

danandkelly · June 2011

mrscerruti2be:

PKW and Mrs.Emm said it much more eloquently than I could have.

Ehhh, this topic is something I have discussed for years with friends. I wasn't the first of my friends that had kids and I am not the last. I remember feeling annoyed many times by their children. I remember saying that I wouldn't do those things when I had kids and that I wouldn't let my children behave that way in public etc.

Now being a parent in reality is very different. Did I change after having kids? Yes. Did I want to? No.

The fact is life changes you. I can tell you now that I loved being single. When my friends had boyfriends and were talking marriage, I was shitfaced drunk making out with strangers. AND I LOVED MY LIFE! Didn't mean I didn't love my friends, it just meant that we were at different places. When said friends got engaged and were planning their weddings, did I just want to get shitfaced drunk and hook up with a groomsmen? Yes! Didn't mean I didn't love my wedding obsessed friends. It just meant that I loved my life more!

Am I glad now that my priorities changed? Yes. I love my life now. I sometimes miss the old life of being able to pick up on a moments notice and being able to buy myself all things fabulous without batting an eyelash. However, I just have to look at my sleeping babies every night and realize that I made the right choices to get where I am now and where I want to be.

Am I still Mrs. C funny and fabulous? Yes, but I will discuss how freaking smart my kids are and how f'ing adorable they are for hours. I will also take pis of my son's first poop in the potty for his Daddy. Does that make me sick? Sure, but who the f cares!

I still have the same friends, single and married. Some have kids some don't. If you liked me before kids, I assume you like me after. If you didn't like me before kids, you would still hate me now.

I also wanted to say that it is completely natural to judge others. It's what we as humans do. I am super judgemental about parents. However, now when I see a child melting down in public, I try to give my "i've been there" look. Most parents are just trying to get through their day. Like Mrs.Purple said, we are just in survival mode. I'm thinking that lasts about 18 years or so.

So instead of saying some of you will be eating humble pie one day, i'd like to say it in a not so nice way...You might be f*cked. because there is no reasoning with a 2 1/2 year old. Believe me.

Clearly MrsC, MrsEmm and PKW said it much better than I. (although I do stand by my feelings that this entire thing was just drama started for the sake of drama by someone who clearly is bored in their life...but whatever)

And I 10000000x agree with the bolded statements. I think the thought of eating humble pie is a gross understatement. Nothing takes you down a peg or 10 like having a toddler.

cheryl2006 · June 2011

mrs.moosie:
And nobody started a moms verses non-moms cage fight to the death.

I know that wasn't the point of your posts. You didn't even have to start this thread. Although I think you got your answer loud and clear, which is basically no one can judge/can't understand a situation until they've been there. I think we all already knew that was the bottom line, but I think you thought you were being nice by giving the mom's their thread to basically complain about whatever they wanted.

I don't think I've ever "stood up" for someone on this board, but come on ladies, lay off mrs.moosie. If you've spent any time here the last few years you know she's one of the sweetest, most supportive members around here and doesn't try and start drama on purpose. I honestly think that this was just a good intention gone bad situation.

mrs.moosie · June 2011

danandkelly:

Clearly MrsC, MrsEmm and PKW said it much better than I. (although I do stand by my feelings that this entire thing was just drama started for the sake of drama by someone who clearly is bored in their life...but whatever)

I can see that even though you asked a question about my intentions, and I answered honestly, it doesn't seem like you are interested in an actual conversation. I think you already have your mind made up.

And as for the bolded part, I don't think it's necessary to try to insult me personally. There is really no need for bullying, and I don't appreciate it.

And thank you very much Cheryl, for your sweet words. I really appreciate them, and think you are really great too.

danandkelly · June 2011

mrs.moosie:
danandkelly:

Clearly MrsC, MrsEmm and PKW said it much better than I. (although I do stand by my feelings that this entire thing was just drama started for the sake of drama by someone who clearly is bored in their life...but whatever)

I can see that even though you asked a question about my intentions, and I answered honestly, it doesn't seem like you are interested in an actual conversation. I think you already have your mind made up.

And as for the bolded part, I don't think it's necessary to try to insult me personally. There is really no need for bullying, and I don't appreciate it.

I appreciate your answer, I just didn't believe it. And just as you are entitled to your opinion so am I. I thought this post and the other were drama created for the sake of drama.

As for the second comment. I'm not trying to insult you personally, I was simply making an observation. I find that when people make drama for the sake of drama it's because they are bored in their own lives and thus looking for some action to happen on the internet. This IMO was exactly that. It wasn't a personal attack, nor was it bullying. I'm pretty sure you appreciate being able to voice your opinion on things and I was simply doing the same. I never called you names, attacked your beliefs, or create a post so everyone could make fun of something in your life, nor did I attempt to personally insult you. If I had been trying to attack you personally it would have been a much different post.

aj0915 · June 2011

cheryl2006:
mrs.moosie:

And nobody started a moms verses non-moms cage fight to the death.

I know that wasn't the point of your posts. You didn't even have to start this thread. Although I think you got your answer loud and clear, which is basically no one can judge/can't understand a situation until they've been there. I think we all already knew that was the bottom line, but I think you thought you were being nice by giving the mom's their thread to basically complain about whatever they wanted.

I don't think I've ever "stood up" for someone on this board, but come on ladies, lay off mrs.moosie. If you've spent any time here the last few years you know she's one of the sweetest, most supportive members around here and doesn't try and start drama on purpose. I honestly think that this was just a good intention gone bad situation.

agreed!!!!! 1000%

winterorchids · June 2011

The problem here is in thinking that message boards are a better place to say the things that you would normally not express for fear of backlash. The unfortunate truth is they really aren't.

And this board is no different.

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