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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: need advice - TIP (long, sorry)
Definitely very intense. Most of my former clients would stick to it for about 3 days before deciding it was too much of a pain. I say this not to discourage you, but as a positive thing---his committment to the program will be a way for him to show you how much he's committed to change. Also, check the program schedule online. When a meeting is "open" that means you can attend. If it's "closed" that means it's for the addicted person only. I definitely think it's worth it for you to attend as many meetings as you can, just to learn more about the disease of addiction. You can always go to AlAnon meetings (which are for family members and friends of addicted persons,) as well. Behavioral addictions are no different than substance addictions, and, even though the focus of the addiction is different, the message is the same.
I don't 100% agree here. I will say that not all GA programs are quite so intense. I know of people who go twice a week (with varying degrees of 'success' I suppose, though they are making lifetime personal growth for themselves). I don't want you to get discouraged if every day is not a realistic possibility for your family. If he can't attend daily, he can still help himself greatly by attending some.
I definitely agree that some is better than none, but if he was my client, I'd definitely prescribe the "90 meetings in the first 90 days" thing especially since it's been a long term addiction and affected his life so much that he's about to lose his marriage. You can go as much or as little as you want (there's no rule) but the "90 in 90" is the traditional model with the idea being that it takes a long time to break a habit. But, yes, every group has its own personality and no one will yell at him for going twice a week or twice a month---they'll just encourage him to attend more because, at least early on in abstinence, more engagement in the program tends to lead to better outcomes. It's like dieting. If I decide to start eating well and exercising 2x/week that's better than no times a week, but I'll have better outcomes if I do it 3x/week than 2x/week and even better outcomes if I do it 5x/week than 2x/week, etc.
After getting through the initial withdrawal stage, though, I agree with Wendy totally--many people are able to dial it back quite a bit, depending on how strong their cravings are. A decent number of my colleagues are in recovery (and have been for YEARS.) I think most of them who are the meeting type go to lunch meetings an average of twice a week. Some don't attend any more at all.
ETA: Let me just say that I'm not all "RahRah 12 Step Programs!" and never really was, even when I was a drug counselor. BUT the outcomes from engagement in these programs tends to be as good or better than seeing a private therapist, and they won't cost $125/session, so I think they're well worth giving a try! And, yes, he may balk at attending, but just remind him that he made the choice to save your marriage and agreeing to attend these meetings was a part of that choice.