Miscarriage related: Would you send flowers?

Passanie · June 2011

Friends of ours just had a miscarriage. At 16 weeks -- is that unusual? Would flowers be appropriate? When I first suggested it, dh expressed some discomfort because he didn't feel like it was public knowledge yet, but maybe after a few days? Clearly, I have no clue what would be appropriate in this situation.

hannikan · June 2011

Well, since 10-20 % of pregnancies end in miscarriage, it isn't uncommon. At 16 wks she was 4 mos into her PG, which is almost halfway through. Only about 2% of PG miscarry at this point. But regardless of any of the science, it's obviously always traumatic to lose your baby. I think your idea of sending flowers is very thoughtful. I would wait until you know it's public knowledge. Are you close enough to the woman that she would mention it to you? If so, I think it would be a very nice thing to send flowers. But I understand your DH's hesitation if you aren't sure she is open to people knowing.

MadameD517 · June 2011

It's definitely after everyone thinks they're in the "mostly safe" zone. If the friends told you themselves I would send flowers and a nice card, that's got to be so hard. If you heard it through the grapevine I would wait until you can see them in person as it might be a little awkward, but that's just me.

RoxysMama · June 2011

MadameD517:
It's definitely after everyone thinks they're in the "mostly safe" zone. If the friends told you themselves I would send flowers and a nice card, that's got to be so hard. If you heard it through the grapevine I would wait until you can see them in person as it might be a little awkward, but that's just me.

Agreed. and now a bit nervous...

mrscerruti2be · June 2011

No.

MeggyO · June 2011

Now my m/c have all been in the first trimester, but I hated when anyone even referenced it (down to the sympathetic "how are you doing?") But maybe that's me. I wouldn't want flowers. I would just want to forget it.

Passanie · June 2011

mrscerruti2be:
No.

Why not? And which question are you answering? Explain please.

secretkeeper321 · June 2011

MeggyO:

I've never had to go through this myself, but I totally agree with MeggyO.

It is a sweet thought and I totally get it.

If you are close enough to call her up, do that and just be a friend, but flowers feel like a big delivered reminder.

Passanie · June 2011

MeggyO:
Now my m/c have all been in the first trimester, but I hated when anyone even referenced it (down to the sympathetic "how are you doing?") But maybe that's me. I wouldn't want flowers. I would just want to forget it.

That's a very good point. And duh, I don't know why I didn't think of this before, but we'll just ask the fiance what's appropriate. Dh is good friends with him. I'm not really friends with her.

abvernon · June 2011

Passanie:
MeggyO:
Now my m/c have all been in the first trimester, but I hated when anyone even referenced it (down to the sympathetic "how are you doing?") But maybe that's me. I wouldn't want flowers. I would just want to forget it.
That's a very good point. And duh, I don't know why I didn't think of this before, but we'll just ask the fiance what's appropriate. Dh is good friends with him. I'm not really friends with her.

I have to agree with this. The flowers and card might be a constant reminder of it and just want to forget it and move on.

mrscerruti2be · June 2011

No I would not send flowers. For the exact reason that MeggyO said. It is a sensitive and private subject.

Celyn · June 2011

When I miscarried the first time, my SMIL sent me a beautiful plant basket. I thought it was incredibly thoughtful and I really appreciated it. Everyone responds to miscarriages differently, but I don't know anyone who hasn't grieved, especially when the loss is second trimester. Personally, I think acknowledging the loss with flowers is appropriate.

tonic · June 2011

Celyn:
When I miscarried the first time, my SMIL sent me a beautiful plant basket. I thought it was incredibly thoughtful and I really appreciated it. Everyone responds to miscarriages differently, but I don't know anyone who hasn't grieved, especially when the loss is second trimester. Personally, I think acknowledging the loss with flowers is appropriate.

I agree with this. I think its important to acknowledge the loss in some way. At least, thats how I felt when it happened to me (although much earlier).

wldktz10 · June 2011

I would send flowers. Regardless of the circumstances it is a hard thing to go through and your friend will appreciate the love and support you would be showing her.

Dragonfly_Bride · June 2011

16 weeks...well, that is just devastating. I sort of feel that if you aren't sure you should send flowers, then don't. I don't think I would. I have sent notes to friends who have experienced miscarriage, just a simple "thinking about you." I hope it gave them some comfort...

loriruth · June 2011

I agree with pp's that said to wait for a bit, to see when the news breaks. After you feel comfortable that more people know, I think that flowers would be a really great idea.

andrea3122 · June 2011

Speaking for myself, I received several bouquets of flowers and I appreciated them so much. I couldn't talk to anyone for weeks after our m/c and the cards and emails I received just saying that people were thinking about me really helped. I isolated myself and it helped to know that I wasn't alone, even though I really felt like I was.

Miscarriage related: Would you send flowers?

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