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s/o Childless by choice - Pros of having kids?
Okay, we know the pros of not having kids. You get to have time to yourself. You get to sleep. You get to focus on yourself more, your own education, your own betterment, etc. It's easier to focus on your relationship with the significant other, etc.
What are the pros of having kids?
For me, it points out my weaknesses and places where I could better myself. I want to be the best role model for my kids and right now, I'm not the greatest. Now that DD is almost kindergarten age, she is funny and can understand a lot and talk a lot. Sometimes she's really wise. (Sometimes she's also very snotty and a bit bratty.) But she makes me laugh and makes me think about things. And it's really easy for her to take joy in something.
Also, I have my role in bettering society, adding to it, in this way.
Samantha Skye - Aug 30, 2006 AND Maxwell Griffin - April 14, 2009
Re: s/o Childless by choice - Pros of having kids?
Chores.
Well, if you really like kids wouldn't getting to be around them all the time be a big plus?
I think the pros of not having kids are more tangible and the pros of having kids are more emotional. And it's hard to really explain the emotional side because it's different for everyone.
It's pretty awesome how much she loves me and how much I love her. She's probably the funniest person I've ever met and I love watching her learn and grow
Sappy stuff.
Need help with high fat food ideas? Chunky Monkey
Someone to care for me when I get older - although if I save up as much as a child would cost me, I can easily afford some pretty good care.
It's hard for me to explain. I think it's a lot of fun. DD is hilarious. DH and I laugh WAY more than we ever did pre-kids.
It's joyful to watch her discover the world. We took her to a children's museum yesterday and it was so awesome to see her say "oh, WOW!!" every couple of minutes.
This is super cheesy, but every day I have several moments where I feel like my heart is going to just explode. That's how much I love her. When she walks over and says "Mama! Hug!" and puts her head on my shoulder...
It's been amazing to watch DH be a father. He is so nurturing and patient and fun with her. We've enjoyed so many "wow. we created this!" moments as a couple.
It's also been an life giving experience to watch our parents become grandparents.
Really, missing out on some sleep is SO SMALL compared to all the rewards. I have to bite my tongue to keep myself from trying to convince people like Kore from becoming a mom.
Meh, you can still do all these things with a kid (don't know about multiple kids). Your relationship with self and others don't have to die.
I was shocked at how fun motherhood has been. Prior to having kids, people made parenting sound miserable. I had to learn to tune it out. It's not always sunshine and roses, but the positives far outweigh the negatives.
I think there needs to be more happy balanced parenting stories.Sometimes, I think mommy shackles/ matyrdom are social constructs.
Tax deductions/credits
Edit to say that I'm sure that's not the only pro, but it is something that a lot my friends who are parents describe as a nice "fringe benefit"
Hugs and kisses and unconditional love
Seeing someone grow and learn so much makes me appreciate life
Makes me want to be a better person because I am her role model
Makes me want to be financially sound in retirement so we don't burden her
yeah, you said it better than I did. This whole thing, exactly.
I think that, after a very rough first six months, parenting together has taught my husband and me how to be a team in a way that we never have before. I am also learning things about myself that no experience besides parenting could have shown me.
I also think that having adult children has made my parents retirement much more fun. I'm not sure what they would do if they didn't have us to hang out with. I hope I have as great a relationship with my daughter when she is an adult as I do with my mother.
I'm literally
right now after reading this.
Topher's 1 Year Old Chocolate Coma
Me too. In the beginning, I felt like I was doing something wrong because the good far outweighed the bad. All I heard pre-baby was "you'll never sleep or have sex or go out again. You will never fit into your old clothes. Make-up and showers? Forget it." None of that was my reality. I enjoy being a mom.
And what Jenny said. I am amazed at how much I love the boy and how much more I love not only my husband, but my sister and my parents, becasue of how they are with the boy.
I hope I have a BETTER relationship with my daughter when she's a grown-up than I have with my mother. It's tough 'cause right now I have to be a little bit of a hard-ass on her sometimes. Sending her to her room ,etc.
But on the other hand, I have a routine with my kids where we ask each other "What made you happy today" and "What made you sad today." We had to make a rule that we had to choose something besides "When I came to pick you up." and "When Mommy picked me up." as our "what made us happy."
Samantha Skye - Aug 30, 2006 AND Maxwell Griffin - April 14, 2009
I agree with everything Kirkette said.
I can't even begin to explain how it makes me feel when DD smiles broadly at me every morning when she wakes up.
The Social Security thing is no joke, good one!
I haven't always wanted to be a mommy, nor did I ever want to SAH or any of the typical reactions to motherhood so common on this board and IRL. But I like being a parent. I didn't love the newborn phase so much, but toddlers and preschoolers are a hoot. And now that my DD1 is getting older, she is like a little buddy to me. That's pretty cool.
Plus, DD2 brings my DH beer without him asking.
I'm not a Mom yet but it is nice to see positive Mommy stories. As Kirkette alluded to I have never bought into some of the martyrdom I see around me.
I have a friend who says things like- we haven't been out of the house since our baby was born 9 months ago. Or we can't travel anymore because of baby. Sure you won't be able to club every weekend but having kids shouldn't make you a hermit.
You tend to hear much more about the frustrations and stresses that come along with parenting and I think it's because 1.) they're much easier to talk about without sounding like a sap and 2.) everyone likes to vent now and then
Seriously though, it's difficult to talk about the joys of parenting without sounding like a walking, talking cliche. But I think this guy does a pretty good job (bolding mine). He wrote this article in response to a study that came out last summer that basically said parents were fooling themselves if they thought they were happy, lol. Here's an except:
"The truth is that we get too good at life, and we need to be humbled again. We may lose a big chunk of our adult lives to the repetitive maintenance of children; we may lose time to think novel thoughts and enjoy those of others; we may drink less wine and smell more poop, and we surely spend less time in a serene state of equipoise, but there is a payoff in raw human experience that is not measured in the studies. A life with incrementally rising average happiness can get stale, predictable. Novelty, not of scenery but of experience, is harder to come by than average happiness, and consequently has more scarcity value. In the trials of parenthood, we are resubmitted to the work-a-day, stomach-clenching highs and lows of childhood, to the shriek-worthy revelation that is a paper airplane?s first launch or the betrayal of a parent?s departure. We are damned lucky to have all this, even if, in moments, it almost kills us."
Here's the original link: http://www.babble.com/mom/health-and-relationships/parents-are-happy/
See, I read the other thread and I'm all "I don't want kids! I want nice things and freedom!"
Then I read this kind of thing and I get all teary.
Honestly (and this sounds ridiculous) I feel some of this stuff toward my DOGS. I can only imagine how much loving a child will affect me.
Additionally, I also want the kind of relationship I have with my parents with my own kids. There isn't much they love doing more than hanging out with us crazy kids. If only there was a way to know for sure if my kids would love me the way I love my parents!
Funny that these threads showed up today - my FB status today is this:
"One of the great unexpected pleasures of motherhood has been the moments when I feel such joy and gratitude for my kids and my husband that I am certain my heart will burst into a million pieces. These moments are usually brought on by nothing in particular - that's the surprising part - they just wash over me all of the sudden."
I'm a working mom with a job I love and three kids, ages 4, 2 and 7 months. My life is HARRIED. I mean seriously harried. So for me to post that, and genuinely feel it - like multiple times a week - speaks a lot for how happy motherhood has made me. My life would have been fine and fulfilling without kids (great job, great husband) but MAN I'm glad I took the plunge.
And this is a little tongue in cheek, but I look at my two brothers who only have one kid each (and they're both "one and done") and how easy it is to have one kid - I think - having one kid really truly is not that big a disruption. My brothers seem to have the best of both worlds - the wonders of having offspring, but still plenty of free time/sleep/money to do fun stuff!!
I'm a one-and-done and I agree 100% with this! It's one of the reasons I'm done.
re-discovering the world through their eyes is amazing
Exposing them to new things, important things and things you enjoy is awesome.
Seeing your family genes come alive in someone you've created is pretty amazing
Guiding them and molding them into good people is some of the best and hardest work I've ever done.
Learning to relinquish control of certain things is one of the most important and hardest lessons I've ever had to learn
this, plus the heart bursting with love when they give you a kiss or want a big hug. you can't get any prouder of them. you feel there is no limit to the love you could have for them.
right after they go to sleep, while you are happy to have some quiet time - you immediately miss them and want to go back in and hug them.