July 2009 Weddings
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Dry Weddings
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/1/55256473/ShowThread.aspx
I have such a hard time grasping the fact that people get offended if a wedding doesn't serve alcohol. Is this a regional thing or am I completely in the dark?
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Re: Dry Weddings
Most of them around here do. My BFF didn't have any alcohol at all at her wedding...I don't even think people noticed. If they did, they didn't make a big deal of it.
Weddings around here usually involve TONS of alcohol. Does that mean I would throw a fit if I went to a wedding that didn't serve it? Hell no. I'm not there for the booze.
I think it is 100% a regional thing. I cannot imagine a wedding without alcohol -- actually it isn't even that common to have a cash bar -- usually its open. Actually, I can't think of any type of party where adults are that alcohol is not served...
ETA: And yes I think people would be put off if a wedding was dry -- unless it was for religious reasons and you understood that ahead of time.
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Well...as a member of the wedding party, we got free drinks during pictures/cocktail hour. So one of the other BM's and I chugged some drinks during that time...
Then here's the funny part, my H, other BM's fiance, and one of our other friends, bought small bottles of vodka and jack and hid them in one of our purses. So we bought sodas etc at the bar and went into the bathroom to mix them with our alcohol. Pathetic, I know, but worth it! The bride's mother was in the bathroom at one of the times we were in there and we told her what we were doing (we've known her since middle school) she said she didn't blame us!
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Now I'm intrigued-what were people supposed to drink at the reception that weren't part of the wedding party? And what's the point of a cocktail hour if people have to buy their drinks?
Exactly! They did give us one glass of wine for the toast too...LOL
I assume other people were paying for drinks, probably with credit cards because who bring that much cash to a wedding?!
In Los Angeles, ANYTHING goes... I've been to all of the above, open bar, cash bar, dry, etc...
So most of you girls know my circumstances. If I am blessed enough to enter into another marriage and decided to have another wedding, I'd be ok with a cash bar... especially if it wasn't a focus point or the center of attention... I just think there are many situations, preferences, etc and if someone is going to a wedding and makes a big stink about no alcohol... hmmm, I dunno... what's the priority, lol.
I guess I should look at it in regards to the type of people you run around with.
Ours was dry. But it was also 1:00 in the afternoon. And our reception was held in the gymnasium area of a southern baptist church. So alkyhol was right out of the question.
I wouldn't say offended, but it is definitely annoying to show up to a wedding and find out it's dry or a cash bar only. If you have religious reasons, you're in AA, or you're wedding is early in the day you get a pass. If it's an evening/late afternoon wedding and you are serving dinner then I think drinks are expected.
The only dry wedding I've ever been to was a destination wedding with well over 200 guests. We knew for a fact that it was only dry because the bride and groom were trying to cut costs and that bothered me. You ask 200 people to drive between 4 and 8 hours to come to BOTH of your ceremonies (one of which was in a completely different language) and you can't spring the extra $3 a head to let them drink?
I'm a firm believer that if you can afford to feed the group then you can afford to pay for their drinks. If not, have cake and punch and don't invite 200 people.
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Same here. People get really grumpy if it's not open bar and that's not even people who generally drink a lot. I guess if people were told ahead of time that would be a lot more acceptable, but a lot of people would complain behind backs.
It's definitely a regional thing. While open bar is not expected here, a completely dry wedding would typically be side eyed (unless it was an early wedding, or there were religious or AA reason involved - one of my friend's is Indian and her brother's wedding was completely dry and it was NBD). But champagne, wine, beer only is fairly common. We also have lots of outside, backyard-ish weddings in Oregon during the summer, so a full open bar or even cash bar would be kinda weird...
I would side-eye a dry wedding, but they just aren't done here. Open bars are actually quite rare here. People almost always do a "toonie bar" (our $2 coin is called a toonie....I know....I know).
That being said, I have also never been to a wedding that didn't have an evening reception. It would likely be different at an afternoon wedding that ended before dinner.
I asked DH if he'd ever been to a dry wedding and he said, "No, but I went to one with a cash bar once!"...lol...so I guess demonstrates regional differences.
My shower was done at an Inn and was the same package as a wedding. It was a brunch event, but mimosas and other alcohol were served.
Guess we are lushes up north! lol
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Agreed.... People would never even dream of having a wedding without alcohol where I am from.
I'm with ya, Crystal! I definitely don't expect to drink like crazy at weddings, and I think that the message of the ceremony is the most important, right?
I once had to battle LA traffic for 3 hours only to have to find a cash bar at a wedding we attended last year. I'm not picky, but it would have been nice for them to give each of us just one drink (you know the traffic I'm talking about - the 210 to the 57 to the 10...holy yuck!)...
That being said, I'm sure some of you would side eye the alcohol we served at our wedding. We had open bar during cocktail hour (which was $17/person) and all the wine you could ever want during dinner. After that, people were on their own. If we had an open bar, it would have cost an additional $55/person - yikes!
I've been to a couple dry weddings, but they've usually been afternoon weddings. I guess it's been okay, but they were just short and didn't have dancing or anything either.
I've also been to a couple cash bar weddings - that's just annoying b/c you don't always know ahead of time and have the cash on you.
The majority of weddings I've been to have been open bar. Our wedding was actually open beer and wine, but cash bar for liquor. I figure if people can't have fun with wine and alcohol and desperately need liquor, they'll pay for it. I can only think of one person who actually did, but maybe a few other people did as well. Worked out well, I think. Our reception place said that was a pretty common package for them. They were also cool in that we only paid for the beer and wine actually consumed. Which was cheaper than the flat rate ($16ish/person) that most other places wanted to charge, when we knew we had some people who weren't even going to drink anything.
$16 for the entire night? If so, I'm envious!
I agree with all of the northeast girls, open bar is pretty much expected here. Cash bar is annoying because if you don't know ahead of time, you don't always have cash on you. I also agree with Kate that expectations for gifts in our region are also pretty high, so I think that's part of what sets the expectation for the alcohol.
My BFF/MOH (and I was hers) had wine only at her reception. I think this is fine, but her reason for doing it bothered me. She actually paid for a beer/wine package, but didn't think that beer was "classy" so she didn't serve it. A lot of men were pretty unhappy.
I definitely disagree with that. We didn't do an open bar. Our wedding was at 10am with a noon reception. We put some wine on the table and everything else was cash bar (well or debit/credit card). I have been to many weddings where we had to pay for drinks and it isn't out of the norm. A lot of people do an hour of open bar and then cash after that. I don't drink and everyone else in my family does, but I didn't feel the need to pay for all of their alcohol.
Dude, we had 3 kegs at our wedding.... Like real in a big barrel of ice kegs, and just out in the yard for people to serve themselves. She must think we're rednecks! hahaha
I thought so. But maybe that was just for a couple hours.
Random side note: I tried to go look back in my wedding binder to find the info. Didn't find that, but I did find and envelope with a bunch of cash in it!! I think it was money a couple people had given us for our engagement party that I had set aside so we could go out to dinner or do something special with it. Yay, what a good start to my day!