Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Father feeding the flames of hell (Long)
Ok. So I am new to this so I will give you some background before I give you only a few examples for disliking my own father. Just remember that this is only part of my life. I can't even begin to tell you.
First of all, my family is having a hard time financially. My mother and step-father are filling for bankruptcy and my dad's family business isn't doing very well. My step-mother, however does well for herself.
Here is just the tip of the iceberg: My father promised me $4000 for my college funding last year. That would be $2000 per semester. I was thrilled and thanked him 100 times and asked him if he was SURE he could do that, but he insisted. However, he called me two days before school started and said he could only give me $1000 because my step-mother said I didn't need any money in order to go to school. Uh, ok. Even though I had been planning my funding from him, I gratefully accepted what he gave me. I struggled trying to manage my money throughout the school year because of this.
Now, even though I begging my mother and step-father not to help, they went behind my back and made a very generous deposit towards our reception hall. My father also helped with large sum towards the hall. I was so shocked that I cried that he even helped!
Now the wedding comes around: He is 20 minutes late to the rehearsal and 15 minutes late to the wedding. That is just how he is, but it still irritates me. THEN, we get to the reception and everything is going great. However, after the father/daughter dance, I go to find him to find out he left. He left and didn't even say goodbye or anything. My husband and I went to the hotel we booked for our wedding night and ran into my step-mother in the lobby. We chatted a bit and she said she was looking for my father. Well, our hotel has a casino in it and it turns out they left early so my father could gamble. I guess he left the reception and went straight to the slots. I has hurt, but I didn't let it ruin anything about my wedding.
Today: I just got off the phone with my father-dearest. My step-father had withdrawn money from his retirement fund and had to add it to my FAFSA because I can't list myself as an independent yet. This prevents me from getting my pell-grant unless my father and step-mother list themselves as my caregivers. However, my dad does not want me to have any of my step-mother's information and is refusing to help me. Um, we are talking about FREE money, but he see it as me trying to steal her ID or something. No, because he won?t help me, I have to take out a loan for schooling.
What parent doesn't want to help their kids get funding for their education?! Before you ask, I am 22-years-old.
Sum it up: My father has always been flaky in my life and is refusing to help me get a pell-grant so I don' don't have to pay for school.
Edit: What would you do if you were in my position? I don't even know how to react!
Re: Father feeding the flames of hell (Long)
You're 22 and married. Why should your parents still be funding your education?
You don't have to take out a loan. Take a semester off and work to save up the money for tuition. See what work-study options your school offers. Take a reduced course load and work part-time to cover your costs. Look at your household budget and see where you can cut back so that you can finance your education.
You know how your father is about money and yet you keep going back to him time and time again with the same results. Admit to yourself that he's just not going to change and stop depending on him.
Welocome to the real world a lot of people have to take out loans for college. You can not make people give you their banking and financial records of they dont want to.
Why cant you file a FASA on your own, that makes no sense. I think something is being left out here.
You are an adult, act like one,.
I guess because I got married this past May that I have to use the tax information from the previous year. Sorry. I didn't explain that very well. I have taken out loans before, but I qualify for the pell-grant. I just need his cooperation to get it.
None of what you wrote about the wedding or past school funding has anything to do with the current Pell grant situation. Your father and step-mother are well within their rights to refuse to give you personal information.
What would I do if I were in your position? I'd take out a loan like normal people do. Or take time off from school and work to earn the money to pay for it. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to figure out how to afford school without your parents' help.
I'm not sure if this has changed or not, but I know when I was filling out the FAFSA every year for school, I had to include my mother's income until the age of 24, even though she hadn't been able to claim me as a dependent once I left home after high school. The thinking is that families are expected to contribute to school costs. I believe this is something the current administration has been working to change, but I don't know whether or not it actually has changed.
That being said, the OP had ample evidence well before this incident that her father is a flake and couldn't be counted on for anything, no matter what he said, and she should have planned accordingly.
Thank you for saying this. Trust me, I no longer have to depend on him, not that I did very often to begin with. I'm just hurt by him.
The thing is, I didn't expect this. I'm not a last minute person by any means. It just turned up that way and my financial office told me how I could fix it. However, if he doesn't give me her tax information I can't fix it. I'm taking out the loan no matter what. I guess I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that he is an unreliable jerk. *Headdesk* I don't know why I try with him.
Sorry. I'm not trying to come across as a brat. I spoke to my step-mother about it and she doesn't want my mom to have any way of getting the information. I can understand that, but she doesn't have access to my FAFSA account. I can understand that people don't just give out their financial information, but she had told me before that if I ever need help that I should just ask. I did and she said no. I'm taking out the loan, but I feel like I am missed out on the grant because of it.
Someone asked me if my husband or I had a job. I couldn't find the question again.
Yes, we both work. We both work full-time. He is a teacher and I am an assistant.
My parent did not want to help me with my education when I was 22. He made it difficult and honestly refused to co-sign a loan with me. It's how my dad rolled.
I think you have this idea of who you think your father should be rather than seeing him for what he really is. It sounds like he makes big promises, but does not come through on them. I think you should stop counting on your father for things in your life. You are 22 and it is time for you to grow up and take responsibility for your education and your life.
I could hug you. I don't what my problem is, but I couldn't figure out how to explain that to save my life. I've been at work since 5am, but that just sounds like a horrible excuse.
How did you manage to file without your mother's information? It was hard enough getting my father's information. I'm thinking that I am just going to have to do it with her from now on.
Bull crap - I was independent while I went through graduate school from 22-25 years old. My parents did not claim me as dependent and I did not live with them. I did not have to give FAFSA my parents information at all.
You have a right to feel hurt. But you CANNOT control his behavior. The only thing you can control is what you do. If you don't put yourself into positions where you're going to end up hurt, you won't be hurt as often or as much. Don't ever rely on financial promises from him and don't expect financial aid from him.
And according to the FAFSA website, you are considered an independent if you are married on the day you apply.
Unfortunatly, this is how it is for me. I will talk to my finacial advisor to see if there is anything that can be changed next year when I file, but I don't think there is.
Haha! I know. You can judge me. I don't mind.
I originally had "fire" instead of "hell" but my husband walked in and said "hell" sumed it up better. 
Dependency Status
You?ll need to determine whose information to report on the FAFSA?if you?re an independent student: yours (and, if married, your spouse?s); if you?re a dependent student: yours and your parents?.
When you apply for federal student aid, your answers to questions on the FAFSA determine whether you are considered a dependent or independent student.
Dependent students must report their parents? income and assets on the FAFSA as well as their own. Federal student aid programs are based on the concept that a dependent student?s parents have the primary responsibility for paying for their child?s education.
Independent students report their own income and assets (and those of a spouse, if married).
For the 2009?10 academic year,* you?re an independent student IF at least one of the following applies to you:
http://studentaid.ed.gov/students/publications/student_guide/2009-2010/english/completingFAFSA.htm
Dude, you are way passive. Go here:
http://studentaid.ed.gov/students/publications/student_guide/2010-2011/english/completingFAFSA.htm#dependstat
Print it off. Take it to your financial adviser. Highlight the relevant portion about your status being independent if you're married on the day you file. Re-file if need be.
Thank you. I am printing it now. I am very passive. I am one of those "take it as it comes" people.
I bet your stepmother tanked financially or has something specific to hide. This isn't just a random "Gee wiz, no share-ie my info b/c of your evil mother." You'll find out the read deal someday.
In the meanwhile, you'll be picking your father's nursing home some day. Maybe even your step moms.
I think someone else may have already noted this, but the dependency requirements change for grad school.