Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
PORN??
ok ok, husband watches porn while he is on shift at work..
away from me, away from house.
but lies about it? and i find it on his phone
(no i am not intentionally looking through his phone.. )
it makes me very mad/hurt/jealous
should i let it hurt me like this??
uagh im super confused.
he knows it upsets me.. ?.
Re: PORN??
Your husband isn't just insensitive to your feelings, he is dumb as a post for doing that at work.
Unless he's watching with his boss, who is also the owner of the company, who happens to think that's great fun and a good use of company time, in which case, I take back the dumb part. Just insensitive.
You'll get mixed responses on this issue.
I feel like if you don't like porn and don't feel comfortable with him watching it, he should respect your wishes.
That said, I think a lot of people have an unhealthy outlook on porn and how they think it affects relationships.
Porn isn't inherently bad and you shouldn't be so naive to think he wouldn't look at it at all.
The only real issue here though, IMO, is that he looks at it at work. That's just.. weird.
How old are you?
What does he do for a living ?
Why does it make you mad/hurt/jealous?
Do you ever watch porn?
What kind of job?
What kind of porn?
Does he pay anything for the porn?
How do you feel about your sex life or the intimacy level between you and your H?
Click me, click me!
I think it's insensitive for him to do it knowing how you feel about it.
I also think it's just plain creepy that he does it while he's at work.
when he goes to work he is there for two days/nights stright then back home for two
we are both 26..
i think if we watched it together my feelings would be different?? i dunno i just feel very hurt and "betrayed" if that is even how im feeling ? i dont even no how to put it in words.
i have watched porn yea but havent in a long time nah i dont wanna say i "grew out of it" but maybe that is what it is? and i can wait for him to get home and then be with MY HUSBAND ya know what i mean?
he is a firefighter...
im pretty sure its just normal porn porn nothing to wild or out of the world
today when i found it i just opened one up and showed it to him then he took the phone away form me and deleted it all
he does NOT pay for any porn.
out sex life was INCREDIBLE out of this WORLD wowza! but he had a prob. with porn then too ( about a year ago..) i told him to stop w the porn all the time. we moved in with me parents for 2 months b/c i was working full time/and going to school full time and he deployed etc etc he came home, and we are still at my parents now married.. (its tough.. real tough..) searching for a home prob. 23/6
intimacy could be better and sex life has suffered since we been here. its awkward.
i have tried, he gets VERY defensive and shuts down completely. wont say more then 3 words (b/c he dosent kno what to say ) and it frustrates the living hell out of me.
how do i know WHAT to say, to know he will HEAR me..
So let me ask you this, when he comes home after two days, is he "with" you?
And honestly, I'd expect my H to masterbate if he was at work for two days straight. I would assume he's not working the entire time and you know, you get a little itchy and your partner isn't there to scratch it.
As long as you get scratched when he comes home, IDK, I guess you need to figure out exactly what it is that bothers you. Do you feel that you should have final say over his sexuality?
Click me, click me!
Okay, let me get this straight.
When you weren't living with your parents, your sex life was really good. But you found out he was watching porn now and then and you wanted it to stop, even though his porn interest wasn't detracting from your relationship.
He deployed for how long? You moved in with your parents.
Now he's back and you're still living with your parents. Your sex life has taken a nosedive and you suspect it's due to his porn consumption, which, as far as you know is limited to the days he's stuck at work on a 48 hour shift.
Do I have that right?
Click me, click me!
" ihavent watched any"
and ya like today when im showing it to him on HIS phone he said
he didnt put it there..
REALLY.. really? it just got there by its self.. he has no idea what to say for himself b/c he doesnt want to hurt my feelings he thinks lieing will be better than telling the truth he needs to learn to talk .. its so frusterating.
i have told him , it hurts me, it hurst my feelings, it makes me feel like i am not enough for him? i have asked him if there is a reason he goes to the porn rather than coming to me? it makes me feel insecure, is there something he wants me to do? or something he wants me to change.. how i look etc. etc.
he of course says no, im beautiful im fine etceetc.
but im a woman, and what am i supposed to think?
he said he would TRY
i said, um your not TRYING
trying would be to LEAVE your phone at home..
you dont need your phone at work.. etc. etc i
yea but most the time we dont have sex so we will go two three shifts until we finally have sex again. so thats fine and dandy for him going to work
getting to watch porn and masturbating,. but thats leaving be where???
eh
OK, let's get this straight: LYING is your problem. Your H is LYING to your face.
I don't think telling him to leave his phone at home is at all reasonable.
There seems to be a major honesty/trust issue in your relationship. The porn is the symptom, not the disease.
You moved in with your parents b/c he was deployed? WTF? Can you not live by yourself?
Move out of your parents' house. You're both 26, employed full time, and married. Time to be adults.
yeah i agree, i wasnt trlling him to leave the phone to be hurtful or mean
ji was trying to offer him something that could"help" him if he thing it was honestly a problem if that makes sense
i dunno what im supposed to do
i just dont olike that face that my feelings are not at all even being taking into consideration
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
i moved in with my parents right before he deployed yes he left for 6 months, i was in school full time and worked full time we lost a baby right before he left . i needed a little bit of help
like i said looking for a home plan on being out before the 5th of aug. thank u
I'm sorry for being a tad dense, but I'd appreciate some help here. Is this problem a bigger or smaller problem to you than the fact that your H lies to your face with no remorse or apparent respect for your intellect?
If you have an issue with porn and he knew about it and then lied about doing it... not okay. Yes, you should be hurt. Have you talked to him about what you found? What did he say?
As for how it makes you feel: "mad/hurt/jealous" ::shrug:: I don't have an issue with porn so I don't feel that way about it. Can I tell you how to feel? No. Is your reaction wrong? Not necessarily.
At work
Ewwwww! That would be that part I'd be angry about. If H lost his job because he was looking at porn at work, I'd be p!ssed.