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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Is this Marriage worth Saving?
I wasn't aware we were still harping on the issue of my age. Since it's so pertinent, I'm 23. Ah yes, let's go ahead and mock the idealism of youth now. Forgive my misplaced sense of optimism in the human race to overcome hardships, please dear lady. Furthermore, it can't possibly be good for me to try to be optimistically encouraging to someone else who is youthful. And since I am also young, I can't possibly have any advice (though I have more recently been through the situation than others) which could possibly be meaningful. You're right, we should all pat a 20 year-old on the head for stating she might have made a mistake and send her on her way. You're right, because that's not patronizing her at all.
And we have a winner!
Wanna bet Gandhi didn't throw a temper tantrum and not speak to his wife for a straight week because she had the nerve to be less than enthralled over his latest tattoo?
FWIW, the reason I was asking about your age is that I find it awful interesting that one would site themselves as proof that young marriages can be strong when you've likely not ben married that long nor have you faced the same difficulties the OP has.
Now if you'd married at 20 to a man who treated you similarly to the way the OP is dealing with and had some kind of constructive advice as to how you turned it around, that would be fantabulous.
As it stands, your only proof seems to be that gandhi stayed married (in a country that doesn't make divorce easy at a time where child brides are the norm) and that you've not divorced after a mere three years. Pardon me if I didn't find that to be terrible helpful and in fact, rather patronizing.
Click me, click me!
You just seem a little culturally naive.
As an anecdote for you to think about--when I was in high school I was in classes with a girl from Pakistan. We were 16, and she had to leave school in the middle of the year to go back home for an arranged marriage with a boy she had never met. She was scared sh!tless and did NOT want to go, but her choice(s) in her life had been taken away.
I guess I would just encourage you to sit back and think about what those choices were--and even though you are young--what choices YOU have had that she didn't--and then decide if "love" is the best path to continue on.
Now THAT is a completely fair and valid point. But I did say that the guy clearly needed some counseling on how to grow up. He's not going to do it, this late in the game, without some serious therapy and help.
67/200
I knew someone in a similar situation. At 13, my best friend was Pakistani. Over spring break, she and her family had gone on their biennial trip to Mecca, where she got to see the cousin she was arranged to marry.
I was getting asked out by boys on our week of outdoor rec while her parents were planning for her to marry her cousin.
Who did that?
There are quite a few people in this thread who got married young, realized their lives didn't have to be so awful, realized it takes two people to work on a marriage, then packed their bags and filed for divorce. Divorce is hard, but it's a hell of a lot easier than staying married to an emotionally manipulative man cub.
I'm not saying it doesn't end badly sometimes. I'm just wondering why everyone assumes that because you marry young, it's awful? Because I got married young, I'm automatically going to be miserably married to a "manipulative man cub?"
67/200
No one said you are going to be miserable be cause you married young. It happens more often than not and it is the issue the OP is having. You just seem to be turning it all onto yourself.
Exactly. Holy comprehension fail.
Me thinks thou doth protest too much, counsciousbuyer. you are personalizing this issue WAY too much.
I changed my name
But but Gandhi!
Click me, click me!
Hey, this is a fun thread!!
FWIW, I think I read somewhere that Gandhi LOVED his wife so much that he denied her the use of penicillin when she was dying... Then, don't you worry your pretty little head... he took the quinine when he was sick several weeks after her death.
Just sayin'.
Also, OP, my ex was a lot like your husband. I kept going back for more emotional abuse over and over until I finally realized he was bad for me. I couldn't save him from himself and his own black hole of self-pity and self-absorbedness. It was in the best interest of myself and society as a whole for me to drag myself up and out of that pit of despair and start over. I'm now with a wonderful man who wants to talk and sort out our problems, he would never, ever let our anniversary go by without acknowledgment. That is really kinda cold, if you ask me. And exactly something my ex would've done.
Mind you I wasn't married to my ex, just in a LTR. I feel like it bears to mention.