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Nephew kicks dog-Should I discipline
Ok, here is my family Dilemma. When we are at my MIL's house my 7yr. old nephew watches to see if anyone is looking and then kicks at her chihuahua's. Which sometimes I feel like it too (KIDDING) because they bark alot but are not mean or nippy. And my nephe does it sneakingly*. (*a word?) The parents pay NO attention and do not discipline him for it.
So, when I have get togethers at my house and he does the same thing to my chihuahua, do I discipline or scold him if the parents are not going to? My dog does not bark, or chase, or nip. He just wants to snuggle and fetch toys. I do not want to shut my dog in a room because I should not have to. He is a good dog and loves kids. And since my nephew watches to do it when you aren't looking, I think he should defineately be scolded. Is it my place to do it if the parents don't. And we are not close with the parents or the children. Now, if it were my sister's kids or my BIL's, I would feel very comfortable scolding if they needed it and the parents would absolutely want me too if I saw them. But the other IL's would not. What would you do?
Re: Nephew kicks dog-Should I discipline
I would. It might not be your kid, but it's your dog.
I would say, "We do not kick dogs. That behavior is not acceptable and is not tolerated here." I'd make sure the parents could hear me.
Exactly this. My nephew (who was 3 the few times this occurred) would do mean things to my dogs and I would always say "Hey, we do not poke the dog in the eye. You treat the dog nicely or you don't get to play with him". I did not slap/hit him or anything physical, just firmly let him know that he can't do that to my dog. I wouldn't really care if BIL didn't like that I say something. I wouldn't let my dog bite or harm his kid in any way and I expect that his kid doesn't harm my dog. Needless to say, after about 3 attempts of hitting, poking, pinching my dog and getting "scolded" he hasn't ever done so again.
Definately!
In your house, you get to make the rules!
Your ILS might not like you scolding their kid, but you sure as h*ll don't like their kid kicking your dog, so you'll need to speak up. I wouldn't make a big screaming deal about it, just calmly say "nephew, do not kick my dog." If he does it again "hey, I told you not to kick my dog!" Sometimes kids won't listen to their own parents, but they will listen to someone else.
As for discipline - no, I wouldn't give him a time out, but you can tell the parents that if he can't behave around your dog, your nephew will have to leave the table.
At your mom's house, I'd say stay out of it. It's not your kid and it's not your dog.
At your home, I think a good solution would be to take your nephew aside at the start of his next visit and show him how to be nice to your dog. Teach him how your dog likes to be petted and what he can do to play with the dog. If it's going well, and you're okay with it, allow him to give your dog a treat. Supervise the interaction for a little while. Teach him how to begin to read your dog's body language. Help him feel like he and the dog are buddies, and he probably won't behave aggressively toward the dog.
My guess is that he is aggressive toward your mom's dogs for any of a number of reasons:
--he's a little afraid of the dogs, and he deals with it by behaving aggressively (not atypical 7 y/o boy behavior.)
--he would like to play with the dogs, but he goes about it in the wrong way and they reject him. This makes him angry and frustrated, so he lashes out.
--he has seen this behavior modeled by someone he respects and thinks it's okay.
or, least likely,
--he has serious emotional problems.
Once you've shown him how to interact with your dog in a positive way, watch him like a hawk. If he mistreats the dog, call him on it. Explain that you won't tolerate that because the dog is like a member of your family, and hurting other members of the family is against the rules. Remove the dog to another room for its safety. Make sure your sister knows what happened.
If I saw a stranger kicking a dog I'd yell at him and make him stop. So of course if my nephew was kicking my dog, in my home or elsewhere, I'd chew him out and make his parents take him home if this was some sort of stupid habit of his. And I would not be nice about it.
Yes, I would and I have.
The first situation was about 5 years ago. My nephew, who was 5 at the time, had a large branch and was swinging it at my dog. His parents weren't doing anything about it, and I wasn't going to let him hit my dog and then have him possibly be bit. She was really stressed and felt threatened by the stick, I could tell by her bark. I told him, "G, don't swing the stick at her! You are scaring her." He told me he was trying to play fetch with her, which wasn't the case. So I said, "She doesn't play fetch with sticks, they scare her too much. But you can play ball with her. She thought you were going to hurt her with the stick, that's why you pay attention to their body language and their bark. We don't want her to hurt you." After that I basically, showed him how to play with her and teach him how to be around dogs. After that they were good. He just had to learn how to be around her.
When I went back to the group, my SIL, was like, "He was swinging the stick because he has had bad experiences with dogs. He thought that Cinder was going to hurt him." I replied, "Well, what he was doing was a good way to get hurt by any dog."
The other time was a neighbor kid. Unfortunately, the parents weren't the best at parenting. But the kid would scream and hit his baseball bat on the fence if Cinder was out. She never felt safe in the backyard if he was out. So everytime I saw him do it, I told him not too. Sometimes I did it infront of the dad and sometimes I didn't. But I was trying to protect my dog and the kid.
The sweetest dog can attack when they feel threatened. I feel as a dog owner I have to be viligent and make sure that children (and adults) that don't know how to treat animals learn so something doesn't happen to either the animal or human.
This. I don't get the not your dog, not your business. You don't let children go around kicking dogs and not say something to them - regardless who the kid or dog belongs to.
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Absolutely tell him to knock it off if he's bothering your dog. And if he doesn't stop, then tell his parents to take him home.
In other situations, if it was someone else's house and someone else's property, I'd tell you to mind your own business and keep your own stuff out of the kid's reach so he didn't harm it. But if he's hurting an animal, then yes, I would tell him not to hurt the dog, and if he didn't quit then I'd say something to his parents and the dog's owner.
I'm all for minding your own business and not getting involved in another parent's laziness or irresponsibility, but the dog shouldn't have to suffer because the kid's a brat (or possibly because the kid has emotional issues, like a PP said). Plus, if the dog loses patience and bites the kid, dollars to donuts says his parents will be biitching and moaning about the dog being out of control.
You need to keep dogs away from that kid. And you have every right to scold the child. I'd probably have a serious talk with the parents too. Hurting an animal can indicate pretty serious issues in a kid.
Before he even arrives in the home, you need to tell his parents what you have witnessed on multiple occasions - even if they have already heard it before. Let them know you are concerned not only what this might mean for their son, but obviously for the well being of your dogs.
Then tell them that they must simply keep a tighter eye on their child, advising them that it would be best if they instructed him to keep his distance; and, if he still proceeds, that you'll interviene. Then you might ask how they wish for you to interviene. (That makes you doing something a non-debatable in your own home...but leaves what you do up to them....i.e., scolding him, taking him by his arm and leading him to his parents or whatever.)
But definitely do be an advocate for your dogs.
I cant believe you even have to ask this! Do you think it would be okay for him to beat the crap out of your dog and if his parents say nothing, just let it be?
In your house you set the rules!
That's always been my perspective. I don't care if it isn't my house or my pet, I'm not going to keep quiet when someone upsets, distubs or hurts an animal.
Yeah, I'm not getting the people saying the location of the animal abuse matters in any way. I wonder if they have the same opinion if the nephew was kicking a baby.
if anyone came into my house and did anything that i didn't feel was appropriate i'd absolutely say something.
have you ever mentioned it to the parents when you're at their house 'hey did you see what your jackas kid just did?'. if they don't see him do it how would they know to dicipline him?
YES! Definitely do something about it!
How else is your nephew going to learn the proper way to treat animals?? I find it hard to believe that his parent's have no clue what's going on either...I'm not saying that you are lying, but what I mean is that they are probably 'aware' but just do nothing to correct/stop it.
As a parent, if my child were ever rough with a dog and I didn't see it, I would certainly hope you'd say something. A firm something, too.
As a pet owner, it's my job to protect and provide a safe and healthy environment for my animals and I would certainly do whatever was necessary to ensure that.
And just from a practical perspective, a kid like that is so much more likely to be bitten by a dog which is just going to create an ugly, ugly cycle. If I felt uncomfortable, I'd couch it as concern for the child.
I look at it like this--my dogs and cats are members of MY family. If anyone came into my house and mistreated them, I would immediately and harshly call them on that behavior. If they did it again, they would be asked to leave my home.
My pets live here too and they have a right to feel safe and happy in their home.
There would be no negotiation or discussion with this kid or his parents. Not when it involves abuse of MY pets, that I am responsible for taking care of and providing a home for.
Absolutely. I don't care where I am, my dog or not. This is the best way to not only have a child get bit or seriously injured, but make a dog associate children with fear/pain and go on the defense.
I wouldn't discipline per say, but firmly explain to your nephew why this is not ok. After a few rounds of this from your nephew, I have a feeling your dog will be a barker, chaser, or nipper around him. Or if it makes you uncomfortable to do this around the parents, I would speak directly with the parents. Explain that you don't want their child to be injured. This is your home and your dog. Respect for your possessions and animals should be shown by everyone.
At your mother in laws, I would still say something. I could never sit by and watch an animal be harmed, child or not.
This.