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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: SA Wednesday
Ok so first let me make sure I understand fully...(for example) DH cheated on me with girl A. I tell him I don't want him speaking to any other girls, including girl B who he has been friends with since before we met and is married? Is that right?
I think there is a little justification for not speaking with other girls because you have to build your trust back up but I don't think it can be the only solution. I had this happen to me kinda actually. My boyfriend in college cheated on me. I was so upset I told him I wanted him to erase all the girls from his cell phone except his mom, his sister and his best friend since childhood. In my head I justified it with, well they had been friends for so many years already and never fell for each other I don't think it would change now.
I think that some guys and girls can really just be friends. 2 of my best friends are guys that I have never had any kind of feelings for them except friendship. We all worked together and they have been there for me through some pretty tough times and I've been there for them. One of them is married and his wife and I get along great. DH loves them both and actually golfs with them on a monthly basis. I think it depends on a lot of things whether you can tell him who to be friends with even after he cheats.
That was a really long winded answer. SORRY!
I think its justified that he should not speak with the women he cheated however not with all other women. If you have truly moved on and trust him then this shouldnt be an issue and if you havent moved on and trust him then seek counseling.
No idea on the therapy.
Dana - Yes, you understand the situation correctly.
I have to agree with this! It's all about trust and it takes a lot to repair it, but I don't think cutting off communcation with the opposite sex is going to solve it.
Edit: Can I get a few Knottie Vibes/prayers for an interview I'm going on tomorrow. It's for the supervisor positon of what I'm doing currently. I'll have two interviews tomorrow and one next week. I'm hoping this will be my break.
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I'm with everyone else, coming from a place of DEEP understanding on the issue. Reconciliation means moving on. Cheating is horrible and hurtful, but can also really and truly be a mistake you can recover from. Sometimes the most painful situation in the world can be a microscope over a relationship that allows you to fix what's broken on all sides, and come away with a better understanding of yourself and your partner. If you "recover" from an affair by putting your partner in a cage, then chances are, the feelings that led to the affair are only going to grow.
With All the Trimmings
Just do it!
I agree that you can't have him cut off from all women. The one he cheated with? Absolutely. However, he's got a job. He's going to meet women in the workplace. He's also going to need their phone numbers sometimes to get work done. I do agree though that they need some therapy.
Are you on MFP?
Well, you'll have to ask The Knotties for that. But, I am sending you Nestie vibes!
Bio
Deepthi - Vibes headed your way!
I have a song stuck in my head that MIGHT just drive me crazy.
Still getting use to the transition. I have to make a concious effort to write DH instead of FI. Thank you girls!
Tiffany what song is it?
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Sara - I finished the Book Thief today, too.
Deepthi - It is that stupid "Tonight, Tonight" song...by Hot Chelle Rae .. I only know the first part of the chorus and I swear its playing like a broken record in my mind.
That song's stuck in my head, too ... for like the past week. Only for me, it's the part: "I woke up with a strange tattoo / Not sure how I got it, not a dollar in my pocket / But it kinda looks just like you / Mixed with Zach Galifianakis."
Especially the "Galifianakis" part. I actually sang it out loud a couple times this weekend, it was so persistent in my head. DH, who doesn't listen to pop music, probably thinks I'm crazy.
Has everyone finished the book thief?
I just found this in my hair while in the car. The sun light hit it just right.
At first I was like AHHHHHH! I am 25?!? But now I am kind of whatever about it. I'm trying to be a mom, mom's have grey hair, it happens!
Deepthi - Juju your way!
I have had two songs stuck in my head - Benny Benassi's "Cinema" which I sang last night while I danced around my bedroom "You are a cinema, I could watch you forever..." and the slow part of Jason Aldean's Dirt Road Anthem -- "Smoke blowing out the window..."
Definitely not me! I'm not even half way through yet.
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With All the Trimmings
Just do it!
This, this, a thousand times!
I'm not finished with the book either... although I have been reading every night for the last few nights. I work late, and then get home and scarf dinner down, and I'm not ready to sleep yet, so I read until about midnight, and then I can close my sleepy little eyeballs and get some rest after that.
Maybe going forward we should aim for shorter books to make it easier on everyone who have a lot going on. Henrietta had 360, The Help had 450 and Book Thief has 550.
I really want to read Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand but since it was mentioned as a possible contender for next book club, I have been holding out. It has nearly 1,400 positive reviews out of 1500, but it is also 500 pages...
Tempted? Yes. Justified? No. My opinion is similar to Lacey's.
I have been a book club loser. I never finished Henrietta, I read The Help but couldn't come to the GTG, and I haven't even though about purchasing The Book Thief. Maybe next time?
ETA: I don't know if y'all would be interested in reading a memoir, but I really want to read Bossypants by Tina Fey and Jaycee Dugard's book.
If I'm picking up what you're putting down... I wasn't even sure what to say. Hence, the face.
Bio
Gray Hair: I started getting gray hair when I was 24. I dye my hair. Religiously. If not, the whole front part of my hair would be gray. It's crazy.
Book: I don't mind a long book. I just like something that catches my attention and is an easy read. The Help did that.
Memoir: I would love to read either of those Anna.
BL: I've been looking for a leadership conference for you and can't find one that isn't specific to my industry.
I'll keep looking.
I definitely want to read Jaycee's book. I was mesmerized during her interview with Diane Sawyer.
I think we agreed that each month someone will volunteer to host and that person also gets to choose that month's book. And we'll just rotate until we get through the group.
I must have totally missed the snark but that's not surprising!
With All the Trimmings
Just do it!