Trouble in Paradise
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Feeling ignored and pregnant
This thread makes me sad and sick that people are really this racist.
Since my industry puts in the systems that 'press 1 for English' let me explain something for you all.
By pressing 1 for English the system is directing calls to call handlers that are better able to service customers who speak a different language. This means that your own wait times will be far shorter, it will cost less to operate the contact centre and in turn make the service cheaper so customers don't pay higher fees. It's not only really helpful for a multiculural customer base but more efficient and therefore cheaper.
Large companies have multicultural customer bases - those of us living in Europe know this all too well - sometimes it can be press 7 for English! And when you are in the reverse situation, i.e. phoning a foreign company, you appreciate hearing that option.
Stop hating on this woman, focus on the advice she needs to get. And remember, if English is not her first language, then chances are 'babydaddy' is something she picked up from a local...
To the OP: it's unlikely you will get any more money out of the father of your daughter, so it is probably time to move on. I wish you all the best in doing so.
Wait, wait, wait. You only need a husband to not be considered trash? It doesn't matter if your parents are felonious scumbags who run a weed farm next to an elementary school?
Morality judgement FAIL, lol.
Your post to imoan = FAIL. Not LOL.
The actions of her parents does not mean she shares their morals or ethics. Their choices in life =/= her being trash. She has no choice who her parents are or the choices they make. OP had a choice whether or not to spawn with a guy who's apparently banged every pair of open legs in whatever town she's from (being she mentions not just A baby mama, but multiple other baby mamas), and is now whining about the consequences.
Big difference.
Actually, children who are brought up speaking their native language in the home adapt very well to learning another language outside of the home. We learn much more about language from our society and our peers than we do our families. This is why a child in New York may have parents with a thick Irish accent, yet the child will develop a New York accent.
Maybe you guys should get a handle on basic linguistic concepts before you start telling this woman not to speak her native language.
I'm much more concerned about teaching kids whose parents are total assholes, but that's just me.
I didn't mean it was morally wrong to not be married to the person you have a kid with. I just said that I call him "a husband" (or "the father of my child") and not "Baby Daddy"
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
And frankly, if I had to choose between being white trash or part of a group of judemental biotches who ignorantly think their language and lifestyles are superior... I choose white trash.
Teachery Blog
Cool.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Listen heifer, the mistakes her parents made have jackshit to do with her. And calling her parents scumbags is a disgustingly low blow, I'm sure this whole thing is difficult enough for her without some random douchecanoe on the Nest rolling up in her boat of crazy. Take your punkass elsewhere because that ish is neither needed nor appreciated. You're an idiot.
Please scroll up a bit.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
So I'm assuming your parents raised you to speak English. Too bad they failed to teach you empathy. Or class.
So I'm assuming your parents raised you to speak English. Too bad they failed to teach you empathy. Or class.
TN decided to tweak out and posted before I could actually reply to the quote - I fixed it.
So I'm assuming your parents raised you to speak English. Too bad they failed to teach you empathy. Or class.
Yup!
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Also find the racism appalling. There are so many people who experience this situation, regardless of race. I don't think it's at all surprising that the OP would be disappointed that her child's father is unwilling to help financially support their child and shows preferential treatment to his other children. I can name several people on SO who according to their siggies are white and experiencing similar issues with their exes. It has to be hard to struggle to provide for your kid AND watch her be treated like a second class citizen. That said, the best thing to do is to accept that he will not be the type of father your daughter deserves, accept the CS, and make the best of a bad situation by continuing to provide for your child emotionally and physically to the best of your ability.
Yawn. At least they didn't raise me to be racist.
They must be AMAZING!
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Anyone remember Nayo??
Haven't any of you heard of immersion programs?
sheesh. My first time on this forum. Luckily I see there are some sane people.
My 3 siblings and I all started elementary school not speaking English. We all four are college graduates/on track to be college graduates (from top schools, FYI). One of us has a JD from a top 3 school and one a PhD (in a scientific field). The youngest one is graduating next year and currently in the top 10% of her college class. We are also all fluent in at least 3 languages (our native language, plus English and others). We could also read and write by the time we entered kindegarten and always read well above grade level.
Last I checked, the U.S. doesn't have an official language.
This thread is ridiculous. I'd like to hear all the credentials of all of you who claim that non-English speakers are trash, a burden on the U.S. and the educational system.
The biggest regret my H has is that his parents listened to people like you when they arrived in the U.S. so now he can't speak his native language fluently. We are most definitely raising our children in a bilingual setting, which, as the few intelligent and informed posters in this thread have pointed out, is best done with speaking one language exclusively at home since English is spoken in schools. I am so thankful that when ignorant people like you told my parents they were doing us a disservice by teaching us our native language, they rolled their eyes and did anyway.
I'm glad you pointed out the fact that his sons are boys, I often get that confused.
This is definitely MUD, no one is this ridiculous.
I spoke little English when I entered Kindergarten and in third grade we moved to Germany for 2 years which wouldn't have helped the situation. I was advanced in all my classes and never had an issue with that fact that English was my second language. The good thing about little kids it that they can pick up a language very quickly (dispite the fact that the language is not spoken at home). Please think twice before judging what someone's children will be like.
I think that everything that you wrote was wrong. Yes, a child that does not speak English may initially have problems but children learn other languages so much faster than you or I ever could. As far as learning "half ass Chinese" (which isn't a language btw).. I'm sure you would make an effort to fully learn the language, but until you did you're "Chinese" would be half ass and you would make good out of what you know and what you've learned from speaking with locals. If the locals have bad grammar then you may end up with some bad grammar. Why are most people here so quick to judge? I'm sure you wouldn't say these things to a person if you weren't behind the safety of your computers.
Here's how it works, hon.
Establish child support. Even if it's not much. Follow the court support and custody/visitation order to the letter.
If he is paying his child support (no matter how little you are awarded) then he IS NOT obligated to do or buy ANY thing for your daughter. Period. Yes, it would be a nice thing to do, but he doesn't sound like a stand up kind of guy. Don't even call and ask... all it does is make you mad.
If he's spending money right and left on frivolous things contact the court and ask if they can review your child support order. The court will re-review his finances.
Kids are expensive. You BOTH made this child and at MINIMUM you are expected to pay for half of her care. If the court determines he can only send $50 a month then that's all he can do. That's it. That's all you get. So now YOU are responsible for making up the difference. It's not ideal, but it's life. He has no further responsibility to meet her needs.
Being a mom is tough. Making up the difference financially (even if you pay 90%) is just part of the job. It's the responsibility you chose when you made this child and chose to have her. If you have to pay almost everything yourself then that's tough cookies. If his child support doesn't cover clothes then it's your responsibility to buy her clothes. Forever and always. It just is.
When you choose to collect child support you also open the door to a custody/visitation agreement. If he wants to see his daughter that's his right. You have NO say so as to who she spends time with while she is with her father, just like HE could not tell you who you can and cannot let your daughter see. Barring PROVABLE abuse or negligence or danger you are out of luck. He has the right to expose your daughter to people he feels are important in her life just like you have the right to expose your daughter to who you feel should be important.
I wish you luck. My advice is get everything in (legally binding) writing and stick to it. Stop dwelling on what he SHOULD be doing (if he was a nice guy) because honey he sounds like a deadbeat. All you're doing is upsetting yourself because he's not being like what you want him to be. You can't change him so accept it as it is and move forward. Your daughter needs to see your strength.