International Nesties
Tofumonkey
member
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
C&P from Thrid Tri
http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/56458550.aspx
Not too dramatic - but that and the responses that she has been getting hit a pet peeve of mine.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
Re: C&P from Thrid Tri
I wonder if her H knows any of this that she is thinking or if she just runs to the bump to talk about it first?
The whole "this is why I will never be a SAHM" argument bothers me, because it implies that women give all power to their husbands as soon as they make the decision to not work. Every couple needs to make the decision that suits them, and plenty of relationships with a working partner and a SAH partner function perfectly well.
Can I just say, "Calder Haywood?" I should stop reading C&Ps from the Bump because the names just baffle me to no end.
Now jumping domestically.
Well that was a crazy couple of years.
I agree and I totally had a what the hell moment at that name.
Now jumping domestically.
Well that was a crazy couple of years.
I feel sad now.
Hold the phone... Floor is 9 months old and can already say words?
Oh, I'm really upset now. The girls don't seem to understand anything but their names. They don't understand instructions. Even when I tell them to sit down in the bath I think they respond to the tone and not the words... oh crap. I'm a nervous wreck now.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I completely agree. I have not been working (more than teaching some english on the side) for the past year and depend fully on DH's salary. However, we know that our money is just that -- OUR money. DH does not control me or my spending, but rather we work together to figure out the budget and both of us know we need to ask on any personal spending more than 40 euros. The fact that I don't work doesn't make us any less equal. That comment annoyed me too because it just assumes that not working creates an unequal relationship and that does not have to be the case.
I agree ladies don't have to jump straight to counseling but I do think it shows a lack of respect for her that he not only bought a 150 dollar ticket to spend the weekend away from her when they don't have the money for it, but that he didn't even discuss it with her beforehand. To me this is a huge signal of disrespect and if DH pulled that with me you can bet we'd be having a HUGE talk about it and discussing in detail how money will work in the future. He can't pull the whole, I work and make the money so I entirely dictate how it's spent. She also can't ask for money it sounds like from her posts and they just don't seem to have an equal relationship. That is definitely something they need to work on whether in counseling or--more likely--at home.
OMFG PLEASE TELL ME HOW YOU BUDGET ONLY ?75/WEEK FOR GROCERIES AND ACTIVITIES!!!!! We are at well more than double that!!!!
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Okay. Two parts rubbed me the wrong way. #1, that her husband controls all of their / his money and that she is acting like kind of a martyr ( I have no new clothes, I have no blush, etc. - just talk to eachother and budget and purchase what you need and can afford! )
and two:
*zips up flame retardant suit!*
I realize that this is a hot topic on the nest and can possibly be quite flameworthy - but the poster that responded that she is working a full time job by being a stay at home mother 24/7 - that is a massive pet peeve of mine. Being a SAHM is not = to working outside of the home. Yes, being a SAHM is difficult, time consuming and mentally and emotionally draining, but you are not working outside of the home to bring in an income AND doing all of the work that a SAHM does from the moment you get home to the moment you go to sleep as well.
That is like someone who is a stay at home wife / husband complaining that what they do is a F/T job and they should be treated as though they work to bring in an income. ( my mother has this viewpoint. She's super fun )
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Its not that difficult. You see I am SAHM Mom so I have time to shop around and get the best deals.
Also James activities consist of a gym contract that I pay ?18 a month for, a drama class that is ?4.50 a week, play dates that cost coffee and biscuits once every few weeks, school that is free, and general arts and crafts. Ths afternoon we are painting a wooden giraffe that is costing me ?1. Some activities like the park are free, or collecting dried leaves and making a picture. Also walking around looking at house numbers is a learning activity that is free.
Food and stuff well, I get my toilet paper at Savers because you get the 3 ply Triple Velvet for ?1.99 for 6 and my washing powder that lasts for 30 washes for ?3.99 (its the Surcare for James skin). I get my milk and a vegetable box delivered from Abel and Cole once a week, which means that I have one less trip to the shop, which means I spend less on unnecessary stuff. Meat, well, I normally buy that off the reduced shelf and then freeze the same day. I have bought organic, whole chickens for under ?1 already and then eat from the chicken for 2 days. I also make my own bread with the bread maker, which works out cheaper. Also Aldi and Lidls have some good stuff, its just a matter of trying the stuff to see what you like. I also take advantage of the specials, like Buy one get one free, as long as I know I am going to use it in a little while, and when they advertise something and the shop has run out of stock then I will get a 'raincheck' from a staff member to later get it at the same price, etc. I also frequent this website often - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?s=bc2848c8609f4213a58da0d14baede61&f=36. Hope that helps.
I am not going to flame you or argue with you because:
a) I am crap at arguing, unless you peeve me completely
b) This is your opinion, what difference should it really make in my life
c) I felt this way until I became a SAHM myself
and D) I like you...
Thank you for this! Wow, that all sounds fantastic! (so cute about the giraffe!) We have also been thinking of getting a vegetable box, but just wasn't sure if it would turn out to be a savings at all ( the girls and I are vegetarians, so we power through veggies like they are going out of style ). As for the meat, I think we'll try that - thanks for the advice!
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
LOL! Aw, thanks!
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Oh wow. I'm stuck between being in awe and grossed out at the same time.
Too bad discount veggies tend to = food poisoning. Damn.
What did you do for baby stuff? We're spending a freaking fortune on diapers and wipes, formula, baby food, baby snacks, etc. I keep telling DH that they don't need special baby food any more, but he keeps buying it because he says that they "like" it and would miss it and he doesn't want to take it away from them.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
The meat is still within the sell by date, so usually the use by date is only the next day. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, but you do need to freeze it that same day, and use it on the day that you defrost it. We have never had food poisoning from it. They do have the veg like that as well, but I have never bought that because, well, fresh veg tastes better and also well it just looks yuck.
Baby stuff, I waited for 'Baby events'. The stores regularly have them and then buy. I am that woman you saw walking out the shop with enough nappies to last 6 months, wipes as well. I still sometimes buy James snacks from the baby aisle. I also joined every single baby club out there so that I always had coupons to use and to spend. I saved a fortune that way.
Ah, just to clarify. I don't think that buying meat on offer is gross. I think that having 7 days worth of meat in my vegetarian freezer is gross.
My bad!
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I do the same thing as Blushing. I go a couple of hours before the store is going to close and get lots of reduced items that mere hours before would have cost me twice as much (sometimes more). We freeze whatever we aren't going to eat immediately. Honestly, it's all about timing when getting bargains in a supermarket.
Based on what's in the freezer, we draw up a menu for the week so we know exactly what meals are available (it varies depending on what was on offer or reduced last time we shopped) and only get the ingredients to make up those meals. If the freezer is running low, then we get more reduced/offer stuff. We don't keep snack foods in the house generally (exception is when we have people coming over) - but we are allowed to buy whatever fruits/vegies for snacking - these don't have to be part of a menu. Sticking to a menu saves a lot of cash. Growing your own vegies/herbs also saves some money too!
I wouldn't call ourselves super-scrimpers, but eating modestly on a regular day-to-day basis allows us to spend money on new bass guitars, ukuleles, travel, meals out with friends, whatever is more important to us.
The OP has me thinking about how microfinance works in various countries. Basically, most groups give money to women instead of men, because if men have access to the money, they spend it on themselves (and a lot of that on alcohol). When women get it, they spend it on education, clothes, food, repairs to the house, medicine, etc. So many aid organizations ensure that women have access to the money.
Many of us INs are strong, educated women who expect to be treated as equals. It's tempting to take this for granted--to forget what we each had to go through to become this kind of women, instead of the kind of women who cower before their husbands and sacrifice everything while the men in their life get to spend all 'spare' money on booze, gambling, and fun.
I still wonder why men in many parts of the world behave this way. What social conditions arose to make this the case? Certainly there are shameful parts of various cultures in the past that disenfranchised women as a matter of course, and unfortunately, some of that does not seem to have been un-learned.
I do agree that this particular poster needs to have a sit down with her DH, who will either be responsive to her or not. But this seeming obliviousness on her DH's part--well, as much as some men are MEN and not boys and understand intrinsically how family spending needs to work, some guys don't. It doesn't help that a lot of our generation still watched our moms giving up everything to our dads--and that moms who put themselves last were praised. Once the OP has made him aware of the situation, he has no credible explanation for this behavior.
Just to be clear--I'm not saying that what he is doing is right or offering excuses for this behavior--but I think we as a society pretend it's as easy as a wife saying x or y, when there are structural and culturally learned behaviors that may complicate this and require us to take a more nuanced perspective.
FTW!
Just out of curiosit, can you expand on:
I still wonder why men in many parts of the world behave this way. What social conditions arose to make this the case? Certainly there are shameful parts of various cultures in the past that disenfranchised women as a matter of course, and unfortunately, some of that does not seem to have been un-learned.
? I'd be very interested in hearing your thoughts on it!
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I suppose the gist of what I'm saying is that a long-standing generally accepted policy or practice will continue to affect society even after its abolition.
So if women for some time cannot inherit property, even once a woman is legally allowed to do so, it will take some time before people will start actually doing this. Some might feel that Son X had a certain expectation, and it is not fair to re-allocate inheritance that first generation. While slowly more women start owning property, it takes a really long time for women to own to the same level (or a comparable level) as men. In the interim, the perception that 'women own less property' continues to pervade
I find studies about division of labor in households likewise fascinating. Basically, women who are in heterosexual relationships report doing the overwhelming majority of housework and childcare, regardless of whether she and her partner both work. It sounds really obvious that this might be because we 'learn' behavior, meaning that we probably grew up watching our moms doing most of the work, and she probably taught the girls how to clean and the boys to play with trucks, but on some level, it takes a long time to work that out of our systems.
Basically, I'm an advocate of historical institutionalism--the idea that culture shapes daily life in ways that are complex and long-lasting, and that structural factors and policies also have ramifications even once they are abandoned.
Oy. This makes no sense to me whatsoever. Not the finances nor the mommy martyr bit.
Also, the poster who stated that Lane Frost died before she was born--Holy Hell. Lane Frost died in 1989. It seems strange to me that people born in the 1990s are having kids when I feel like I'll probably never be grown up enough for them.