September 2009 Weddings
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I never thought I would have to say this again

This morning DH and I went for a regular OB appointment -- my first "real" appointment in 2 pregnancies. Everything looked good. My doctor was so excited to see me pregnant again. We tried to find the heart beat on the doppler, but couldn't. "It's a little early anyway", he said. We went into the next room where the ultrasound machine is. It wasn't a great quality machine, but we saw our little baby. But it wasn't moving. Nothing was moving. "It's not a great machine," he told us, and said he'd be right back. He sent us downstairs to the maternal fetal medicine office for a better ultrasound. He told me not to jump to conclusions, but I think he knew, and I knew.

We went and got the ultrasound done and there was our baby, measuring 10w2d. It had little arms and legs, but no heart beat.

The doctor (who was much nicer than the one from last time) told us she was very sorry. She told me she had two miscarriages back to back too, and then had a healthy child, but she knows how much it hurts. They left us alone for a few minutes while they called my doctor, and I sat on DH's lap and cried.

We went back up to my doctor's office and sat down with him. He just shook his head. He said we can do some testing for different things that might cause recurrent miscarriages, and send off some tissue for chromosome analysis. And we scheduled my second D&C for tomorrow -- they'll call me with a time later today.

We drove home in complete silence.

We don't know what to do.

We are heartbroken.

I am probably going to take some time away from here, and everywhere, for a little while. I just feel devoid of all emotion at this point, and it's a horrible awful place I never wanted to return to.

And yet, here I am, 9.5 months later. 

BFP 9/22/10, missed m/c 11/1/10 at 9w3d, D&C 11/3/10, diagnosis: trophoblastic hyperplasia
BFP 6/18/11, missed m/c 8/16/11 at 11w2d, D&C 8/17/11, diagnosis: baby girl with Trisomy 21
BFP 5/29/12, healthy baby boy born 2/12/13 at 40w5d :)
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Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
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Re: I never thought I would have to say this again

  • Oh honey...I'm so sorry. T&P's and lots of hugs.
  • Oh hun, I am so so sorry! I'm sure there are no words anyone can say right now to make you feel better...although I wish I could come up with some. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. xo.
  • Oh my god. I am so so sorry. There are no words. I'll be thinking of you guys and sending T&Ps.
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  • I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. You and your DH have my thoughts and prayers.

     

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  • Im so sorry Meghan. I completely understand you taking some time away. If you need anything, we're here for you. Hugs to you and Ty.
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  • oh sweetie, I'm so sorry.  My heart is just breaking for you.  You have all my thoughts and prayers. 
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  • oh my gods..... I don't know what to say.... I am so sorry....
    Accidental Smiles
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  • Oh Meghan I am so sorry. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*
    ExerciseMilestone
  • I'm so so sorry. I can't even imagine. I've been having a fertility pity-party for myself lately, but this puts things into perspective. I don't claim to "get it" but in a way I understand. Let me know if you need someone to vent to.
  • I don't know what else can be said but I am so so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your DH.
  • I'm so so sorry.  I understand you needing time away, but if you need anything I'm here (and on FB and on email).
    White Knot
    Stand up for something you believe in. White Knot
  • I am so sorry! Sending you hugs, thoughts and prayers.
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  • Oh no- I dont know what we can do for you but i am not too far away if you need ANYTHING.

    Love to you and your husband.

     

  • So, so, so sorry for your loss. Im at a loss for words. I understand taking some time off from the board but if you ever need us, we are here for you. I'll be thinking about you and your DH.
  • Oh, Meghan, I am so so so very sorry ! I know there isn't anything that can be said to make you feel better. So, {{{{hugs}}}}
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    Dx: Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism After 2 years TTC & failed IUs,we have our IVF baby born 9/24/11

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    "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
    "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
  • I am crying with you right now Meg. I just can't understand why you have to do that twice. I am so so sorry and please know I'm thinking about you. If you need to talk you know how to reach me. Big fat hugs!!!!!
  • I am so sorry
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  • I teared up reading this, my heart just breaks for you.  You will continue to be in my thoughts.  I am so so sorry.
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  • I'm so, so sorry for your loss. There isn't much else to say aside from what's already been said; but I will keep you and Ty in my thoughts in prayers as you grieve.
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  • Oh my god.  I am tearing up for you right now.  I can't imagine the pain you both must be feeling.  Life is so unfair.  Please know that you have a support network here for you when you are ready.  My thoughts are with you both.
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  • :( I'm so sorry. *hugs*
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  • I'm so sorry Meghan, my heart is breaking for you.  :( You and Ty are in my thoughts.
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  • I am so sorry. ::hugs::
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  • Oh god Meghan, I am so sorry. I will pray for you and Ty. We are always here if you need us, but I understand needing a break. I will send you all of the love and support I possibly can. You will survive this even though it may feel like you won't right now. I hope they can figure this out for you two. You deserve so much happiness. ((hugs))
  • Oh Meghan, my heart breaks for you. I have no words to express how sorry I am.  Please know my thoughts are with you and Ty.  I don't frequent the board very often anymore, but I'm on facebook if you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to reach out to me.  Sending lots of love your way.

    xoxox

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  • Crying<--- Me right now. I have no words. I'm so sorry and if you need anything, you know where to find me. I'll be there if you need someone to talk to. Take all the time you need. Grieve and heal. {{hugs}}
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  • Im overwhelmed by everyone's kind words, as always. We appreciate all the thoughts and prayers.
    BFP 9/22/10, missed m/c 11/1/10 at 9w3d, D&C 11/3/10, diagnosis: trophoblastic hyperplasia
    BFP 6/18/11, missed m/c 8/16/11 at 11w2d, D&C 8/17/11, diagnosis: baby girl with Trisomy 21
    BFP 5/29/12, healthy baby boy born 2/12/13 at 40w5d :)
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
  • Ugh! I had a weird feeling when I saw the subject... I was really hoping it would be good news.  

    I'm so very sorry.  I really don't know what to say. Lots and lots of hugs.  Take your time grieving.  We're all here for you when you're ready to talk more.   

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  • Meghan,

    I'm literally in tears and just wanted to let you know I truly sorry I am to hear this.  I will be praying for you and your husband to get through this.  Just know that you have so many people thinking of you and praying for you even at this very moment.  Just take it one day at a time; you will get through this...

    Love,

    Jessica

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  • I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my T&P.
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