International Nesties
dulcemariamar1
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
So what do you think about your MIL?
Do you get along with your MIL?
Does she live close by
How often do you have to see her?
I dont have a bad or good relationship with her. It is just there. Like, I would never call her up just to talk to her. Wow, that makes me sound bad but she is a Debbie Downer. She is nice enough to invite us over to eat but she doesnt go out of her way to be super nice. I might see her once a week. It kind of sucks though because this is like my family here in Spain and my DH is not really close to them. Makes me miss my family more.
Re: So what do you think about your MIL?
I get along very well with my MIL! We actually email often and keep in touch.
No, they live in the US, in Montana.
We get to see her (and DH's fam) about once a year. They came to visit us last year, and we went to see them this year, and also attended a family reunion and wedding.
I know I'm very lucky to have such a great MIL. She is laid-back, and DH's family have been supportive and encouraging of our move overseas.
Dave & Jennifer 10.18.08
My Doha Adventures
I find it really, really hard to relate to my MIL. Our backgrounds are just totally, totally different, and she is kind of a Debbie Downer, too.
She lives about 1.5 hours away, and sometimes I think it would be nice if it were more like 5 or so...
Well, now that we have a child, I usually see her 1-2 a month, and more often if she gets her way.
She can drive me BSC because she's so dramatic and over-involved in her sons lives, but then again she can warm my heart over a thousand times like when she drove an hour after work and made me chicken soup when I was sick or only brought me back a present from the States (new maternity shirts).
She lives an hour north of us in Israel.
Once a week for Shabbat dinner usually.
I love the lady.
My Israel Blog!
Love my MIL. She's a gentle sweet little lady, heart of gold.
She lives in Belfast, so I see her once a year, usually for Christmas otherwise no contact.
My MIL lives in Hershey PA in the house DH grew up in. We see her 1-2 times a year or so.
She's fine but I have absolutely nothing in common with her at all. She's very much into cooking/baking/gardening/sewing and I hate all of that. I think she finds me to be pretty overwhelming and I find her to be pretty boring. She's a totally nice person though and we don't have any issues. I imagine she'd be pretty overbearing if I lived in the same town as her.
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
I love my MIL b/c she is the mother of DH. In the beginning I made every effort to make her happy and let me tell you that is no small thing. She is one of those persons that goes to an apple pie bakery and complains that it smells of apple pie and will then ask me to ask the bakers to make it smell less like apple pie. (not kidding this really happened).Or my other favourite. I am allergic to dairy products and whenever we get together she insists on having as many things that contain dairy and always gets upset and complains that I do not love her because I am not eating anything she has prepared or ordered. (sorry AAHHHH)
I have decided for my own sanity and for DH and my relationship that I would distance myself. Until now it has been working very well.
We have never lived near her. DH has not lived near her in 27 years. She has only been to see him two times, once after SS was born 15 years ago and once at our wedding. I have personally offered to fly her out to us for DH's 40th birthday and right before his deployment. DH has invited her out for every Christmas we have had since we were married, for DD's baptism, for right before we PCSed to Europe and now for DH's retirement.
She has declined each and every invitation.
I do NOT disagree (except with the Retirement Ceremony) with being uncomfortable with travel, especially overseas. HOWEVER, I refuse to deal with Passive-Agressive commentary about our lives. Especially Monkey's relationships between the two Grandmothers. WE only go back to the states 2 times a year...once for my side and once for DH's side. Equal. I will not be guilted because my parents and family have been here three times. I will not kill my DD's relationship with my mother so MIL's feelings won't get hurt. Get on the free plane and come see her yourself.
But this past week put me over the edge. DH is editing from the Air Force after 28 years and reaching the highest rank a pn enlisted SM can achieve. He has NEVER asked his mother for much. he has ALWAYS gone to see her. But she not only cannot step out of her comfort zone just this once, but actually had the audacity to ask if he could do his ceremony near her her boyfriend woulnt have to take time off of work (mind you, we would pay for said boyfriend's plane ticket to Germany too).
selfish ***.
I think everyone here knows how I feel about my MIL. She's mostly BSC and overbearing, but she has a sweet side when it comes to D. She takes her kids for granted, and belittles DH because he never finished uni.
ETA: I see her every day. She lives 10 minutes from us and their restaurant is across the street.Do you get along with your MIL? Yes, I get along with her. She wants the best for H and I and even when I don't agree with some of her ideas/actions, I know that she means well. She probably thinks that I have my crazy moments too.
Does she live close by? No. Especially not now. She lives in Los Angeles.
How often do you have to see her? I don't see it as have to... We go visit about four times/year, usually for three days at a time. She usually comes to see us once or twice per year as well.
Duke's House: Eating and Running with the Big Dog in Chennai: eatrunbrit.com
2010 Race PRs:
5K - 24:57 10M - 1:28:20 13.1M - 1:57:29 26.2M - 4:28:29
Yes, I get along with MIL.
She does not currently live close by. When we move back Stateside she'll be a good 8-hour drive away.
Seeing her is averaging out to twice a year while overseas; but nicely split with me going back and her coming to us. When we go back I'm sure it will be a half-dozen times a year at least. But we'll take advantage of that with babysitting.
For the first 4.5 years i LOVED my MIL - she was amazingly supportive and really seemed happy that i had married her eldest son.
Then about 6 months ago (whilst my husband was in Afghan) she sent him an email calling me self involved,selfish and spoilt (all this over a jokey FB status about my husband buying me a vacuum for my birthday). I was furious - i hadnt seen my husband for 8 months at this point and felt she had overstepped her boundries. (i mean i am spoilt - my husband treats me like a queen but self involved and selfish, if i was selfish i would have insisted on our honeymoon instead of happily sharing my new husband with her at her house cause she hadnt seen him since his 2nd deployment, selfish would be me refusing to travel to Texas for 2 weeks RnR every deployment (done this twice so far) and selfish would be me refusing to travel to Texas every damn year.
I went above and beyond, emails, ecards, letters even calling her every week for 2 hrs so she knew her son was alive and well. so this really hurt me. Luckily my husband called her and told her she needed to back out of our marriage and she owed me an apology. At the time she sent a half assed apology which really wasnt an apology and i was upset and angry but i have seen her since this all went down and it was like non of this ever happened. My hubs says I shoudnt take it personally (shes done this to my BIL and SIL too) and then they all just act like it never happened.
So now she is back to be loving and supportive and i email her and i'll talk on the phone with my hubs but thats it. I love her but im not sure i trust her its like im waiting for her to blow up at me again or go behind my back to my hubs.
In the 4 years my hubs has been here in Germany they never came saw him so we see them once a year if that and only cause we travel to the US, i honestly dont know how much that will change when we live in SC, im just glad we are 24 hr drive away - i personally dont need to see them more than once every 3 months!.
Yes, I get along w/ my MIL. She's not like my BFF, but she's a nice lady and truly reasonable in all things. Absolutely no complaints.
She lives in FL, we're in Naples. When we go home, like we'll be in DC/VA and they'll still be in FL.
Now? I haven't seen her in sometime (2.5yrs). When we go home, I'll probably see her abt the same as I see my parents, once a year.
Mine is one of the reasons I am beyond excited about moving out of the country.
Sad, but true. She doesn't understand boundaries. It makes things very difficult. We don't even live geographically close to her, but I think being in a vastly different time zone and somewhere that it's much more expensive to fly to/from will help establish the boundaries we haven't been able to establish ourselves in the 9 years I've been married to DH.
I get along very well with my MIL despite our differences. She was raised in Derbyshire and lived her whole married life in the West Country. She has an opinion about everything - "London's awful!" "I know they say that too much sun will give you cancer, but it feels good anyway."
We have our disagreements but generally get along pretty well.
I don't see her often, only every single weekend on Skype. I would love to see her more.
Do you get along with your MIL? Yeah, she's ok.
Does she live close by? About half an hour away.
How often do you have to see her? Every Sunday.
I'd never call her up just to chat either, but I'm not sure that says much. I think my mother is the only person I have EVER called just to chat. I'm not a call just to chat kinda person.
I don't mind seeing her every Sunday except that she smokes (not while we're there, but the house still reeks) and she's really tiny and gets cold really easily. I always have to leave for a while and go for a walk because it's so stinky and hot inside all the time.
Do you get along with your MIL? Yes, most of the time
Does she live close by? She currently lives in Vancouver. So about 12 hours of travel away!
How often do you have to see her? Once or twice a year.
I love my MIL she is very kind, giving and has given up a lot for her children to grow up in a "normal" country.
This fall she is planning to move here and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. I'm worried that she will be too overbearing and trying to help. We'll see! I'd be perfectly happy with a once a week dinner. Thank goodness she won't be living with us, my SIL will be hosting the ILs until they find their own place.
I suppose I get along with her, but she drives me up the wall. I find her to be very manipulative (fortunately she's bad at it) and disingenuous.
We couldn't be more different if we tried. My time with her is spent gritting my teeth so I don't make snide remarks. Though she did dare to make some "when am I getting grandchildren" comments at the party which got her a cheerful "don't hold your breath!"
Oh, and recently she posted the whole story of DH's good friend from high school finding his mother after she killed herself on TWITTER. Cause it is just so sad and she wanted to share to show how far he has come "since that awful day" and how she is basically his surrogate mother now. Vomit.
Though if you asked her, I have no doubt that she would tell you she and I are basically mother and daughter and really actually believe it.
She is a two hour plane ride away (I get along great with FIL btw) and we see them about twice a year.
2012 Reading Challenge
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Do you get along with your MIL? I do though she can be the most irratting person on earth. She's really nice, very loving, etc. but you can't shut her up (she will talk over you) and she thinks she knows better than anyone. H wants to strangle her on a weekly basis when on the phone.
Does she live close by no, she's in Edinburgh - and that definitely plays a big part in gettting along.
How often do you have to see her? It averages 2/3 times a year for about a week at a time, which is fine for me though I get really antsy after a few days. She comes to us 99% of the time and part of it is that I feel a bit invaded in my space. I do think she'd have boundaries issues if she lived close by. I try to avoid getting her on the phone as it's impossible to cut the call short & once you've picked up, you're stuck...