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Are we rude?
Long story short, my SIL (husband's brother's sister) is a biotch. She overreacts and demands people do things for her.
She's pregnant with her first and due March 10.
Husband and I booked a trip to Paris from March 8 - March 16.
SIL found out and threw a fit.
Told us how upset and devastated she is we won't be able to meet the baby in the hospital. Also said that family is the only thing that matters, and in the end, "we're going to end up very lonely, because of how we treat people."
Not really sure what that one means.
Were we dicks for booking a trip when the baby is suppose to be born? Or is she such an overly sensitive loon?
Re: Are we rude?
I don't think you're ever obligated to schedule anything of yours around someone else's uterus, but I think her reaction also depends on when you booked the trip.
If you found out her due date is March 10 and then immediately went out and booked a March 8-16 trip, then I can sort of see why she feels slighted. If the dates just so happened to coincide, then she needs to chill out. You don't need to meet the baby in the hospital.
How does your husband's brother feel about all this? If he's not upset, then I wouldn't worry about it. What about the rest of the family? I would especially not worry about all this if she's the only one who's pissy.
She's throwing a fit like this because she wants you to bend over backward apologizing to her and rescheduling your trip. Don't give her that satisfaction or the attention. Just say, "Sorry the dates don't work out. We'll come visit you and Baby when we get back!" and bring home a nice French present for the baby and maybe a little something for her. Beyond that, ignore her.
My SIL is a little like that. We can't go anywhere close to the state of CA without her calling my DH and telling him how horrible we are for wanting to actually go on a vacation out there instead of spending all of our time with family. We ignore her and let her know she has no say on how we spend our vacation time. If anything it makes us want to spend even less time with her.
OP, if anyone has to worry about being isolated from people it is her not you two. She has to stop acting like she is the sun and everyone else is just a planet meant to orbit around her and the baby.
She is probably going to regret all the hospital visitors, but right now she is just too much of AW. You did nothing wrong and after you are back from the trip you can see the baby. She could wind up being a week overdue or the baby can come early, there is no need to adjust your life to her. She acts like this because people catering to her, I hate to see what demands she makes regarding this child when he actually is born.
btw how is she your SIL, if she is your H's brother's sister?
If you were my SIL, I would have been thrilled. I made it clear to my husband that his (many) siblings weren't allowed to bombard me at the hospital after giving birth. We didn't even tell them we had the baby right away and intend to do that again.
But, I'm assuming she likes you more than I like my ILs or this wouldn't be an issue. Really, people make way too big of a deal about seeing the baby the moment it's born. The real issue is whether or not you're going to be present to build a lifelong relationship with baby, which an 8 day trip won't interfere with.
Besides, unless she's already planning a scheduled c-section, she has no idea when baby will be born. My son was 10 days overdue- which means that you could very well be back from your trip (or not have left yet) when baby shows.
Personally, if my sister was due, I wouldn't book a vacation to be out of the country at that time. I would want to see my new niece/nephew asap.
When dd was born, my whole family came to the hospital. Not one person from dhs' family did. We are just different - - my family does things like that and are close, dh's family doesn't. DH was disappointed (he was around for everyone else's kid), but knows how his family is.
However, it really depends on your schedule. If you're working around a spring break (teacheres / students) or have other things going on in your career, you don't get much choice on when you are off. Also, I was 10 days late when dd was born and 6 days late for ds. So you could stay home, miss that vacation, and the baby still wouldn't be born.
This. Pregnant AWs totally get under my skin...your life does not have to revolve around her due date.
As a normal pregnant person who is due in March, I can tell you that she is bonkers. The only person I would be pissed at for not meeting the baby right away is MH. It sounds like you'll never live up to her expectations and were bound to royally piss her off at some point in time. Now you can check it off the list!
OP, I wouldn't call you rude. But honestly - did you schedule this vacation out of spite or to make a point? Not that it matters, but the timing does give the impression that at the very least, you and your husband are not at all close to his brother and his wife - which is fine, but you give up any future rights to be angry about them blowing you off.
IDK, even if they did know when her due date was, I stll don't think they should have to change the date of their vacation. If March 8-16 are the dates that work best for them, so be it.
Babies are funny little things who scoff at due dates. I think the stat is that 5% of babies are born on their due dates.
My first was born 7 days before the due date. The second was born 9 days after the due date. So if someone had taken a vacation 2 days before my due date to 6 days after it, they still would have been here for both births.
If she wasn't a biotch previously, I'd say she's just hormonal. Because hormones make you whack-a-doo. But, sadly, hormones do not decrease inate biotchiness. So I'll vote for overly sensitve loon.
Okay, my bf is due just 2 weeks after that, or so they tell her kind of. Everytime she goes to dr. they give her a different date. My cousin who is due in just a few weeks from now only got a firm due date after she was 5 months. Your SIL is a looney bin. Even if you knew when she was due and planned your trip for that time (on purpose) I wouldn't think you to be rude. But that's me. Especially because you can bring back the baby something from Paris-and really, how often do you get to go to Paris? (I assume not often, but could be wrong) I really hate when people try to emotionally black mail their family with that line about being lonely. I don't care who you are, let people live their own lives. Go to Paris and have lots of fun!
Also, go down the main drag of the red light district and just past the club that's on the left hand side of the street there will be a cross street-take it. On the right hand side a little ways down is the best food in all of Paris! I can't remember the name off the top of my head, but it's amazingly yummy!
Ditto this. I know I wouldn't plan my life around the birth of anyone's baby other than my own, that being if I actually wanted to have one...
Plus I'm the type of person who likes to give the new mom a little breathing room and wait until she and the baby come home from the hospital before I come visit.
Married to her H's brother, I believe...
I disagree- do not feel obligated to plan your life around accomodating other people. Even if you knew the due date and planned the vaca after- imo, your life/your choice. You shouldnt have to worry about catering to someone every time they get preggos, which is what many pregnant people think. It does sound like this lady is always going to have expectations of you that dont meet her "standards" so better to put the kabash on it now.
Seriously, I can't believe anyone would expect family members to revolve their lives around other people's due dates. I can't believe anyone is implying that you should cancel any plans for a relatives due date.
You are not rude. The birth of their child doesn't concern you in the least. You can visit when you get back. SIL sounds like a treat!
What I don't understand is what she expects you to do? So, for whatever reason, she's shocked that you may not be at the hospital ... okay ... now what? Are you supposed to reschedule your trip? Not take a trip for the 3 weeks leadng up to and the 3 weeks leading after her date? No trip at all? Are you supposed to postpone if she goes into labor or come home earlier if she delivers?
And she's only complaining about a hospital visit, right? A few hours where you don't do anything other than look at the baby? She wasn't expecting help at home, neither of you have any special skills she was counting on?
I can only imagine that maybe you guys are out of town and she was expecting you to use your money and vacation time to fly to see the baby and now all that is postponed in lieu of a swanky trip. Still, your choice and perogerative but its a bit of reason to hope you use time/money for a new family member. But I get the impression that you're local and this really is only about a few hour visit, once maybe twice.
I really don't like people freaking out on me with no clear (or reasonable) solution at hand. She's certainly entitled to have a private reaction to an expectation she had in her own mind ... but this indulgence to "freak out" and the accompanied insults, finger wagging and doom is just inappropriate. To insist you don't vacation for 6-8 weeks is absurd.
So, I wonder, if she goes early or late and you are around, are you banned from the hospital for spite? I wonder.
I think she is acting like an idiot. The whole world doesn't revolve around her kid. What if you lived far away? Every person can't be there the moment the baby is born FFS.
She's a dramatic, attention-hogging loon.
You are okay.
1.) I don't think you are rude. You can't plan your life around someone else's wedding/baby. It is ridiculous for her to expect you to.
2.) Due dates are fluid. She could be over due (at which point you would be back) or go into labor early (when you are still in the country). Its impossible to plan around a baby's arrival.
3.) She is being self-centered. You will get to meet the baby. You don't have to meet the baby right after its born. Shoot, my own mother isn't going to meet her grandbaby for some time. She lives states away & can't travel (health concerns & surgery of her own) around my due date. Am I throwing a biitch-fit? No.
Your SIL sounds like a real peach. Enjoy your Paris trip. The world does not revolve around her uterus or anyone else's!
I'm with Sue on this one even though I get what everyone's point of not being obligated to make choices based on her due date. It's not as though it's a small deal, though. I personally would not do it because I don't think it is right - even with the understanding that a birth might not happen in that time frame. Her being a biotch has nothing to do with celebrating/welcoming the baby. If the trip was made prior to knowing her estimated due date, then I wouldn't think it was as bad. Too, her reaction might have to do with how the news of the trip came to her (as well as how she views you/DH).
I'm not saying having a baby isn't a big deal. I'm saying not meeting the kid the SECOND he's born isn't a big deal. The kid doesn't remember. I mean, hell, I barely remember the first few weeks. Its all a blur.
I think people who get upset about those sorts of things are drama queens who think the world needs to be revolving around them. Some claim its about the kid, but a 1 day old doesn't get it. I have NO clue who visited me in the hospital when I was born. Its not about the baby. Its about the mom. And I would hope the mom would be mature enough to not think everyone needs to revolve their plans around her.
There are plenty of ways to show you care without being at the hospital. In fact, I think most of those ways are preferable lol.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
As much as I hate using the stereotype, I think she's being a hormonal crazy person. The majority of my family is out of town and probably won't meet the baby for a few weeks.
Now I'll agree with another poster though...if she tells you she's due the 10th and the very next day you're like "I'm going to book a trip that same week!" well I can see how she'd feel slighted. But if you'd been planning this for awhile...no.