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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Poll: How financially divided is your marriage?
I ask because a coworker's spouse totaled the car she brought into the marriage and she is only planning on using about 10% of the settlement towards the new vehicle they are purchasing and she will be keeping the rest for her. I didn't ask what she plans on doing with the rest but I did comment on what I would do. Use all of it towards the new car so the monthly payments can be lower.
So, I ask, how financially divided is your marriage?
Edit- title and body for duplicates.
Re: Poll: How financially divided is your marriage?
DH has his own account that he pays all of the house and school stuff from though I am listed on it but don't have a card or anything for it.
We also have a joint account that I use as my main account for my car and groceries and our cell phones. He has a card for it but I have it at my desk for my internet purchases.
We don't keep them separate on purpose, it's just the way it worked out. If he needs $ from my account he has a checkbook for it. If I need him to pay for something, I send it to him, etc.
Collin Thayne 10.11.2010
After watching DH's parents divorce over money (they never shared accounts) we learned that we would never arrange our finances that way. DH makes more money than I do, but that doesn't mean that I don't work as hard as him.... heck, I probably work harder most days (mom, business owner, wife, etc.). We keep all of our finances joint and have little checking accounts and a bit of spending goes into them every two weeks. We can do whatever we want with that money, no questions asked.
I would never pocket money from anything without DH knowing... that in my opinion is a very bad idea both financially and with regard to having an honest marriage.
We have 2 joint checking accounts at one bank. I have an individual checking account at the same bank, but when DH signs in to our account he can see my individual account information if he wants.
DH has an individual account at a separate bank. I know about the account, but don't have any access to it. But our car loan is through the same bank, so our car payment is paid out of there and DH buys my birthday and Christmas gifts with that account.
I'm better at saving actual cash, so I generally always have a small amount of cash on hand for emergencies. DH knows I do it and has a general idea of how much cash I have stashed, but doesn't know where it is in the house.
This is us, except I have a business credit card that I keep separate for accounting purposes. All in one account and out of one account (checking and savings). Everything is joint except retirment accounts that have to be separate. Sounds like your friend has some kind of power struggle or trust issue going on. Why wouldn't they just buy a car they can afford even if it's less expensive? I'm stupid on the car issue. We don't do debt and cars are really that big of a deal to me as long as they are safe and reliable.
He and I still have the accounts we had coming into the marriage, then we each have access to those accounts.
I have an account with just my name on it and his paychecks are deposited there. If he wanted to be put on it, he could. He is just too lazy to do it. He doesn't have an account that I don't have access to.
So Tasty, So Yummy
This. DH and I have 2 accounts. 1 for the both of us and 1 that we decided to send my paycheck to see if we can live off of his. (It's killing me not doing ANYTHING with that money but lets face it, the market is not doing so hot right now.) But we each have one credit card we use for gifts. We both have access to each other's info though.
I gotta say, it is neat to see what works in each marriage.
Did he ever get a debit card?
Nope. There are three unactivated debit cards in our safe. Don't get me started.
So Tasty, So Yummy
We have a joint that all bills etc get paid out of.
We then each have a 2nd account that we get our "allowance" put into.
We have a joint checking and savings and investment accounts that all of the bills come out of. Then we each get money deposited into two separate personal accounts that we get to use as we see fit.
I think the separate accounts will fizzle out once we have kids due to daycare and whatnot but we'll see.
We have 2 separate joint accounts at the same bank.
The main one is used for bills, groceries, etc.
The second one is for dh to use for work expenses.
For several years we had just 1 joint account but it was getting to hard to separate him having to spend money for work (which he gets reimbursed for but not in a timely manner!
) and me balance the account and know how much I had to pay bills and buy groceries.
Now that we have the joint account it is less stressful for me because I know exactly how much I have to spend and not have to worry about him pulling out money for work.
ETA: I balance both accounts though.
We each have separate checking accounts we brought into the marriage.
We also have a joint checking and savings.
He pays all household bills and house note. I buy more groceries, pay the maid, etc. We have access to each others accounts and money, but we both use debits cards as we wish and I do not want the accounting nightmare of it all out of one account. It "our" money, but he loves B of A and I love Chase.
this
our money market/401k/roth accounts are a bit different. we have seperate and then one joint account.
dh makes more than i do, but neither of us could pay all our bills without the other. we may have little things that we purchase for ourselves now and then, but we don't hoard any money for ourselves.
We have a joint and 2 separate. The joint pays main bills, our separate, we can do whatever with. Sometimes we disagree with what constitutes a "joint" expense - but if it's small, I try to pick my battles and move on. (DH sees a lot of things as "joint" that I would consider me getting no benefit out of whatsoever! lol).
In your friend's situation, I can't see ever just keeping that kind of money w/o discussing it with DH! Doesn't he know they will get a settlement? Does he just think it's for less? Maybe he doesn't care if she spends it for herself - or is he a SAHD or SAHH, where she is the main breadwinner, so she and/or he feels like he doesn't have a say? Seems strange all around.
Everything is joint. I can't imagine keeping separate finances.
I do joke that I have a secret savings account that DH doesn't know about it & I hide money from him there. But it's really a joint account that he just can't remember exists. Which is weird because it's where most of our money is. But it's good because he's a spender, if he logs into our USAA account & sees $XYZ he immediately wants to spend it. So I shuffle money over to the other bank's savings account as quickly after the paychecks hit as possible. He forgets $XYZ money existed & goes on his merry way not spending it. I go on my merry way knowing we have plenty in our emergency fund.
I'm pretty much just a kept woman with an allowance, and it works for me
We have so many accounts. We have a joint account but we each have our own checking and saving accounts and credit card accounts that we had before we were married (I also have my business checking account). My account is for the tiny bit of money I make. His accounts have all the household money so the mortgage and all the bills come out of his accounts. I say it all the time...if we had gotten married young and/or at the beginning of our careers, I'm sure everything would be joint.
He keeps the joint account stocked for groceries and household stuff, stuff for Tracey, etc. I tend to buy things for myself out of my separate account (which could be why I don't buy a ton of stuff), lunches out, as well as gifts for him. Maybe it doesn't seem fair, but it works for me, especially as I found someone to pay off my huge student loan debt while I make pennies doing something completely unrelated to my education.
If I need money for anything it is always available to me.
And yes, we keep meaning to add each others names to the accounts, but we haven't gotten around to it yet.
We have a very strange financial arrangement but I like it this way. DH deals with all the money and I prefer to stay completely in the dark. I have access to the family account (DH's original account) but if you asked me how much money was in there, I couldn't even make a good guess. If I wanted to see, DH would have no problems giving me the password.... I just don't want to know. I'm sure there are a lot of confused readers right now but honestly, I like not knowing. I don't get an allowance or anything like that. I have a credit card that I make purchases with. If I get a little wild with the spending, DH will give me a heads up to "tone it down". For big dollar items, I will usually check with him first just to make sure we are good.
In 10 years we've never had a fight over money. I don't have to stress and it just works.
BFP #3 -mm/c @ 7wks, discovered at 9wks, D&C 9/28
Current Status: TTA
~~PGAL/PAL Always Welcome!~~
This isn't strange! It is whatever works for each couple and it sounds like it is working great for you.
I think being open and honest about money is the most important thing. If an arrangement works, it works.
that's kind of how our personal accounts are. i can see all of them, but he pays all the bills and lets me know if i need to kick some "monkey money" (money from my biz account) into checking if we have a big expense coming up. if i am making a large non-business purchase, i discuss it with him prior to buying just in case.
when we do big-expense kind of things, like vacations, christmas gifts, blah blah blah those come from my income.
everything is joint. i am on his biz account, he is on mine (though he does nothing but occasionally deposit a check for me). we can each see whatever we want when we log in online.
we know all of each other's passwords. to everything. i have a biz credit card, but i think i even have him listed as a signer on that.
my photography blog
Everything is joint for us. The only exception is a Chase card that I opened a few years ago when I traveled for work a LOT but didn't have a corporate card. I put all of my expenses on that card to make it easier.
I still use that card if I'm buying something for DH as a gift because I know he won't see the bill unless I hand it to him.
I don't think this is strange, we sort of operate this way. DH pays all bills and transfers all money so that we don't end up paying something twice, etc.
The difference is that I ask him daily about how much money is where. Take it or leave it, but I would advise you do the same. After my dad passed away, my mom was clueless. He had checking accounts that she couldn't get to (eventually she did, but it takes a while) and there were a lot of things that took a long time to deal with because of their situation. After that I make a point to keep up with what all we have going on and both of our names are on everything we own.
We have everything joint and the bolded is why. We do each have separate CC's in our names, but we both have the login info to them.
My mom and dad had most things together, so there were no issues for her after his death but it taught me that it should be that way (or you should at least know how to access it) early on. Had it not been for their accounts being joint and the company he worked for being so awesome (they paid the expenses for the funeral upfront and then once life insurance was paid out, they were reimbursed) it would have been a HUGE struggle to make it through those first months/first Christmas (4 months later) for my mom.
We have one joint checking, savings, and credit card. Everything (joint expense) is put on the credit card and paid by the joint checking.
Prior to me staying at home, 10% of our take home would go into our own separate accounts to spend however we want. But now, 100% of his paycheck goes into either joint checking or savings.
Whatever money we have in our own separate accounts (checking, savings, stocks) is still our own personal money to spend on gifts for each other or ourselves that is not "in the budget".