Family Matters
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Please help.
I'm willing to bet that this is the defense that the parents use, and also what her H says to excuse his parents' behavior.
You DON'T have to just deal with it. If it's a quality of your own that you don't like, you can always change it. If it's a quality of someone else's that you don't like, you can put them in their place or just remove yourself from the situation.
I don't even know what to say.
Your wedding is in one month, and you haven't even sent invites out yet? So you're basically giving people 3 weeks notice (and likely even less time to respond, since you probably need a headcount before the actual day)? Just because your mommy told you to? And 3 weeks notice is if you sent them out today, which it doesn't sound like you're going to do.
Your FI works all day......what exactly do you do? Are you still finishing up high school or something?
His parents won't give you a list of addresses for the people they want to invite........and you're making this YOUR problem to solve?
I think my eyes just crossed.
Another vote for way too immature to be married, but maybe you'll learn some lessons for what not to do when planning your next wedding in a few years.
OK, at this point, the burden is on your FI to get the invites to those on his side (family, friends, coworkers, whomever) he wishes to invite. Do not put this on his family as doing so is only going to serve to put resentment between you and them. The fact that you only left yourself a small window is something you can put upon yourself, so the time factor is on you - and you can easily forgive yourself for following questionable advice. So, since you can forgive yourself so easily, there's no need to put blame and bad feelings on people who really have no obligation to do something for your wedding (and no, that doesn't mean they have issues with you...it's *your wedding*...you and your FI should have handled this from the start, not them).
Then be happy with whomever shows up. Anyone from your FIs side that he desperately wants will be there because it will be important to him to take some time from work to get their addresses. Anyone from your side will be there because you have taken the time. If FI has a small invite list simply because he can't secure the addresses then you score because you aren't crazy about having a bunch of strangers to you, it sounds like, showing up anyway.
Maybe I'm just evil enough that I'd find this entire situation highly amusing. Here is what I'd do. I'd tell them they have until midnight tomorrow to get me the address of the 20 individuals (or whatever) they get to invite.
If they didn't get them to me, I'd slap down a stack of wedding invitations with blank envelopes on the counter and say, "Here you go."
And that would be that. If those guests are so damn important, they'll either get you the address or find the address themselves and mail out the invite. You need to put this ball firmly in their court and then be able to say "not my problem" when they fail to act. Like I said, I'd enjoy watching this play out enormously.
And seriously, if your FI would be so incredibly hurt to have these individuals not show up to his wedding, I'd think he'd have a better means to contact them for addresses than the city phone book.
Tell them that unless they give you the addresses by (a certain time/date), those people will not be invited. If your fiance was so concerned about these people being invited, he'd either have the addresses, or be helping you get them.
You're making this a bigger issue than it has to be.