Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Am I wrong here?!
He just ain't that into you.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
I honestly think you should get yourself more twisted up with doubt about this.
Because you told him how you felt, he didn't care. So you had to have this be a *real" discussion instead of a "hey, what's the plan' deal.
He knows full well what the problem was but made it clear that if you *Maaaade* him, he'd stay and be resentful... so you gave in. I can't say that bodes well.
Of course, you know that saying that someone who is nice to you but isn't nice to the waitress isn't nice? I think it applies...someone who is a nice guy to marry but is "just" a little selfish and not into you is probably not a nice guy to marry.
But I'm sure this will go over like a lead balloon.
I know I am late to this show- but PLEASE pay attention to your BF's behavior, all aspects of it, prior to marrying him. Make sure that your "big" talk really made a difference. Stand up for what you want, outside of the holidays. Make sure you are not just taking care of his needs, that your needs are just as important.
Because I married this guy's behavior twin. And now I am in the middle of a divorce. That happened when I finally got myself back, my self confidence back, he couldn't handle it. Don't let yourself get hooked on the idea of a future, make sure you get the future you want by making sure what you are living is real.
You can rationalize his selfish behavior into a "he just really loooovvvves his family" explanation, but at the end of the day, he will always pick his family over you. That's what has happened before, what has happened here, and what will happen in the future. I mean, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig.
As for the PP that remarked that you aren't his family yet...that's some grade-A, blue-ribbon bullshiit. He's demonstrating how he will treat you as a wife, which is to say, you are second to his mommy, his daddy, and whatever other family members comprise his "real" family. I mean, that's what he's really saying here. You aren't his real family and he feels no obligation to you. Ouch. After two years together, that ain't good.
Wait a minute. You're on call - so conceivably HE could be alone on Thanksgiving if you get called in. I can smell the resentment now.
I'm with those that say pick your battles. Personally, I'd relish the idea of having some alone time but I'm just that way.
DH's family lives 40 miles from us while mine is 500. Yes, we see his more but I really don't get any complaints when I want us to go see mine. My point is it would be different if it was an either/or - your family or his.
The amount of time you spend with YOUR family is up to you. He shouldn't be kept from his just because you can't see yours as much. "Stranding me alone in a town where I don't have many friends and zero family" - this is not in his control.
That said, I'd iron out the details now. A lot of couples switch every year, some do Thanksgiving with one and Christmas with the other and some just wing it (like us). Christmas is a pretty big deal to me. DH's mom works for the airlines so her and FIL often take off to the beach for Christmas so I certainly don't plan around them.
Try and let go of the resentment - it kills the spirit of the season.