Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
That BF DD mags posted about?
I got it right here.
Newly pregnant: DH won't stop bringing up his 1st baby experience
I am new to this board: DH and I have been married 11 mos. I have a SS7. 
I am just about 7 weeks along
I am ultra sensitive when DH brings up his experience with SS (and BM) 
It comes up often. I've told him a couple times that I want to have OUR moments without being reminded every. step. of. the. way. that he's already done this with another woman! It's my first time and every time he talks about how he can't wait to buy baby toys again, etc it takes the joy right out of the moment for me! 
When we were dating, he even told me how he helped pump BM's breast milk 
I was livid and told him that there were things that he was just going to act dumb about because that was something I did not need to hear about!
He can't seem to help himself though This morning we had an argument about it because he said "soon, the baby will be in their lil bouncer and watching baby einstein. I just can't wait to watch those videos again." I wasn't going to say anything until he acted like I had no idea what they were and I said "I' know I have seen them you know" I then said I hated being reminded that he's done all of this before. 
Earlier this week, he reminded me (again) that they went to lamaze class together.
I know he doesn't do this intentionally and of course my pregnancy is going to bring all this up for him again.
He acted like a jerk about this morning and treated me as if I was looking for something that isn't there.
I know I can't live in a fantasy world and act like this is all new to him, I just wish he would be more cognizant and not have to verbalize his thoughts about the past so much. He said he has bit his tongue quite a few times but that it's still not enough for me. I told him "once in awhile is understandable" obviously we don't have the same definition here.
Thanks for listening! 
Click me, click me!
Re: That BF DD mags posted about?
So instead of being thrilled that she has such an involved dad, she's going to get all butt-hurt over the fact that he has a past? Something tells me that he's never going to parent up to her standards...if he even gets a chance to.
ETA: Obviously I read this thread before I read the other one.
The guy shouldn't have to act naive and stupid about what she's going through and what's to come.
Brain...exploding...from too many smileys...
I agree with Interro. XW's breastmilk? Not so interested. The rest? Get over yourself. He can't* erase the fact he had a child with someone else. What a spoiled brat.
Ed: Originally wrote "can" instead of "can't". Oops.
I probably would be too but if you read her OP she says that her H talked about helping XW pump when they were dating. I don't feel much sympathy for her now - she chose to continue dating him, marry him and have a kid with him. I'm pretty sure if a guy told me on a date all about helping his ex pump, that's be our last date.
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
Yikes, how did I miss "while we were dating".
Some of it I definitely get - the husband sharing, that is, and maybe not realizing where the boundaries are. BF has told me about the little dude's birth, from his POV, his experience. The little dude was in danger and things got scary very quickly and BF was terrified. I have no problem with that, and I love seeing pictures of him as a baby which obviously include his mom. But BF knows how to balance talking about his experience as a parent with going into TMI about his relationship with his ex-wife.
I just woke up (for the second time). I'm trying to enjoy my Lucky Charms.
The idea of someone I'm dating telling me about helping to pump their ex-wifes breastmilk would have made me run for the fuucking hills.
I also think that if Kyle had ever once offered, in the short time right after Babydubs was born that I was pumping, to help me pump my boobs, I'd have been totally squicked out. I don't know why.
I'm not saying things didn't come up, but mostly it was in a high-fivey kinda "yeah we're so not doing that again" way.
I can see, however, that it may be a touch different with the whole kid thing, since he obviously still has, and loves his kid and I'm sure has fond memories of the process. But he still needs to have some respect for his current partner and STFU sometimes.
Right - he needs to learn what's okay to share and what's TMI. He can't pretend his child was dropped on his lap by a stork but he doesn't need to go on about the d@mn breast pump.
Because weddings aren't the same thing as kids, Kuus. I mean for serious?? You can't be shocked.
I didn't talk about my previous wedding to H. But you know I sure as shiit have talked a lot about my previous pregnancies and p&p's earlier childhood.
Click me, click me!
Given this is a dumb heifer who is crying about how mentioning that he's bought baby toys before is sucking out all of her joy, I'm hard pressed to believe he actually described helping her pump breast milk or if he didn't mention that breastpumps are the devil's handiwork in passing.
Besides, I can tell which of you ladies haz no spawn. Helping pump breastmilk my ass. He probably washed some pump pieces.
Click me, click me!
It would honestly depend on the context of the breastpump conversation. Because a) breastfeeding tits are not sexual and b) I can totally think of non-personal ways the topic came up. I can think of only a very select few that would make me fun for the hills. The majority of ways would make me think, hmm, it's nice to meet a guy who isn't squeamish about reproduction and would actually be an involved partner and father in the parenting process.
Then again, I can't see myself flipping my shiit just because a dude mentioned his previous experience with other forms of birth control or that he was willing to be involved in those conversations and the doctor's appts that followed.
Click me, click me!
If some guy lost his sh*t because I said Joaquin's favorite book when she was bitty was There's A Monster At The End Of This Book so let's get a new copy for the next kid, I would question his sanity at the very least.
Yes but reading the whole body of the post, please. This lady gets the sniffles if he so much as mentions that Huggies are better than Pampers. Every single bit of information she's crying about at 7 weeks pregnant is shiit I learned as a nanny.
Not a damned bit of us is sucking away her ability to enjoy this pregnancy or an excuse not to be delighted that her H is so excited to be having another baby.
Click me, click me!
Yeah, by "help", he most likely washed the pieces or maybe even brought her the pump when she needed it. If knowing that your husband did that for his ex and mother of his child upsets you, then you have no business procreating with someone with a child.
I knew my H had sex before he met me - I didn't cry and pout when he acted like he knew how to put on a condom or even when he didn't stand staring at the different brands of condoms before choosing a box.
Well, yeah... but did he talk about this and that and putting on condoms again? Probably not.
I guess this is why I'm generally against people with vastly different levels of life experience coupling up - usually the one with less experience isn't quite comfortable with not sharing firsts with the more experienced person. Sometimes it works out, sure, but more often that not it seems to lead to resentment.
I'm just gonna flat out say it. If you marry someone who already has kids and expect them to pussyfoot around you about that experience to the point where the fact they didn't leave of "again" is a problem, you're a douchetastic extraordinaire who shouldn't be having children.
Click me, click me!
This seems so childish and petty to me.
I mean who the fuuk would you marry then? Or maybe this is the military brat in me speaking.
Click me, click me!
You don't HAVE to marry anyone. But generally, yeah, just date people with around the same level of life experience as you have, unless you're the rare person who wouldn't be bothered by that. It's not that hard.
How does the military brat thing relate to the topic?
What is rare about not being bothered by the shiit your H did before he met you? I think it's rare to be peeved that your H went to college, dated more people, traveled abroad or what have you.
H has been to a ton of concerts and I've been to none. Perhaps I ought to have thrown him back. He also grew up primarily in one state for all of his childhood. I guess since I moved every two years from infancy, then he should resent me, right?
Click me, click me!
I think there's probably a difference between some experience and none, especially when it comes to huge life events, and that goes double for emotional relationship big life events. For example, a woman who has slept with one or two people probably wouldn't feel any way or another about dating a guy who has slept with five people, but a woman who has never slept with anyone probably will. The same thing goes for kids, as far as I can tell from reading these boards. When it's your first time, you want it to be a first together. When it's not, then the past doesn't matter as much.
Really, I'm surprised that this is difficult for you to understand, since it's such an overwhelmingly common emotional response.
Common where? In Kuusylvania? I don't live there so I wasn't aware that it was.
FWIW, it's not difficult to understand. I get what you're saying. I just don't agree with it and therein lies the difference.
Then again, you're the one who once said that being of a different race was such a fundamental vast difference in experience that you could see why someone would turn down a first date on the basis of color.
Click me, click me!