Trouble in Paradise
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Im new here & slightly troubled by my hubby..
sh!t what is this guy's deal?
definitely check your credit report, I'm worried he's going to open accounts in your name.
he may have massive debt he's hiding, do you have a complete picture of his financial situation?
he should not be dictating ANYTHING. Everything should be open to you both, bills, debts, paychecks, bank accounts, everything.
and he's telling you to go stay with your parents? This guy is a moron. He really doesn't sound that interested in you. He's criticizing you and talking down to you, maybe as a result of the huge age difference.
Gretchen Evie, born 7/8/2012 at 35w5d
Did you read all this that you wrote here, especially the bolded parts?
ETA: I WISH a mofo would say to MY MAMA that I came from "nothing." He would have been cussed slap the fug out by MY MAMA, who would have then done an intervention so that I didn't end up married to the jerkwad.
This all sounds shady and fugged up. No one in your family had any reservations about this dude? Nothing in the year and a half you dated gave you any clue he was shady until now, 15 days after the wedding?
did you know he was putting the wedding bills on a CC?
this guy is DEFINITELY hiding debt
protect yourself, now. Put a lock on your credit so he can't open any accounts in your name, and talk to a lawyer so you don't end up liable for any debt he racks up during your (hopefully short) marriage.
Gretchen Evie, born 7/8/2012 at 35w5d
Well, actually he didn't front the additional $30k. He fronted $10k. Visa fronted the other $20k but by the time you're done paying it off, it'll be more like $30k.
I am trying to be empathetic here but it's hard. You can't believe this is happening? I'm sorry but it doesn't sound like he just became this way after the wedding - the whole paying for the HM thing was a huge red flag. You haven't said a single thing about this man that makes him sound like a good person, let alone a good husband.
If he doesn't care enough about how you feel to try to work on your marriage and doesn't care if you leave, why do you want to stay? There's an old saying: When someone tells you who they are, believe them. This guy is telling you he's an ass who doesn't care about you or your marriage. Believe him.
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
Not to mention you are a full time student, for love of all holy...
And this scumbag will destroy your credit before you even HAVE any!!!!
You also need an attorney who can advise you what to do before this creep kills your credit -- try a bankruptcy attorney.
I would also call the vendors and MAKE SURE they have been paid -- and ask by what means WERE they paid, if they were -- tell them you're reconciling the wedding bills and you want to know what's what -- say whatever you need to say to get the info you need.
Shikeys... you are ten grand in debt already!
RULE NUMBER ONE of the money game for all responsible adults:
DO NOT buy what you cannot afford.
DO NOT spend beyond your means.
And looks like the honeymoon and the other wedding expense are 2 things you could not afford. Learn your lesson the hard way.:(
OK advice. Check your credit. Now.
Check your accounts -- savings, checkings, retirement.
Has he taken an insurance policy out on you? Yeah, I'm going all Law and Order: Criminal Intent here but whatever. He sounds shady.
Find out what you need to do to get an annulment and do it.
Get into therapy.
In short, run like hell, turn right at the lantern and don't look back.
Naw, don't turn right at the lantern. Take it and stick it up his ass as far as it'll go.
I would also go as far as to call the 800 free number of the IRS and find out if this creep owes them any money.
I would also find out if this guy's got a criminal record or any type of felony on his sheet. He's shady and I wouldn't put anything past him at this point.
Annulment.
Seriously, make an appointment with a family law attorney tomorrow morning.
You say that his family is Russian. Is he a US citizen?
He hid serious financial problems from you, is now acting verbally abusive and refusing to be intimate with you. Those may be grounds for annulment in your state.
The longer you stay married, the harder it will be to get an annulment.
BTW, I'm sorry --- wow, what a nightmare this is for you.
This is some fukked up logic: YOU are the reason he is broke. Uh, how is that when all you are is a poor student with no full time job????
wow. You need to take a step back and reread everything you wrote. There are so many red flags not only from this post, but also your knot posts. A marriage should be a partnership and it seems like that is and has been severely lacking.
Additionally, I did some googling and one page thats came up on your nest name is a profile on "sugardaddyforme.com". When I looked at it as a cached page, it seems like it is you. Did you meet him on this site?? I would side eye any guy that meets girls on a site that basically advertises rich men meeting young women. Perhaps this "sugar daddy"image is behind him hiding his financial mess?
it all just sounds so sketchy. You are young. Get out now. Grow up a little and marry someone who is your equal.
The OP very sadly reminds me of a friend I had back in the day. All she wanted to do was get married and she didn't care to who -- she too signed up for one of these sugardaddy websites.
This guy ain't got 2 nickels to rub together...and if he is NOT a citizen, holy cow -- did he marry you to get a green card???
The river of sh!t is deepening in this entire trainwreck -- if he is NOT a citizen, get an attorney that specializes in naturalization and immigration law. If he isn't a citizen and he married you to get a green card, the green card can be stopped in its tracks right now -- I very much doubt that in 15 days the paperwork is signed sealed and delivered on a green card for this scumbucket.
My parent's paid for $5k. He fronted the additional $30k, $20k of which I found out is on credit cards.I paid for the honeymoon which was about $6k. In addition, I also paid for the wedding planner which was $3k.
I can't get over the fact that your wedding and honeymoon cost 44k. OMG. My wedding and honeymoon cost less than 8k. I got married at 23 (while working three jobs) and didn't even have 9k in my bank account. What is your secret to having that much money and can I have it?
It very well could be that this creep told the OP that he had a LOT of money....yeah, soo fugging much of it that he stiffed her with the honeymoon bill and whatever it was SHE wanted but she would have to pay for it because HE didn't have the money.
To the OP:
This whole situation goes beyond a money mess: to be frank, YOU have a problem: you want what you can't afford and you have expectations beyond your means. For this alone you need to see a counselor; I don't know if you were never taught the value of a dollar or you think lots of money fills a void or what but you need counseling stat.
Even after this jerk is long gone, your problems with money concepts and how it buys happiness will remain. Nip this in the bud NOW before you get yourself into financial trouble....or hook up with another jerk who fools you into thinking he can buy you/get you everything.
I thought she said he already spent that money.
OP needs an annulment stat.
Does this guy have a big diick or something? I mean, I'm trying to find something here that made this guy seem like a good catch.
He's 30 and you're 23? That explains a lot, actually.
You need to face reality. Either you live your life with a verbally abusive (and maybe soon physically abusive) man who treats you like shiit or you can get an annulment and live your life with more happiness and love for YOURSELF.
And let me be the first to tell you: HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU. HE NEVER LOVED YOU. But that is okay. Why? Because
You deserve better.
(I'm starting to keep track of how many times I say that on here. I'm sure it's a least 3 in the past week.)
Uh huh and she didn't have a say in that, either???? (I guess I missed that in the shuffle here)
He needs to go and STAT.
Go back on birth control immediately. Like tonight.
His financial situation is a mess, you are a student and this is no time for an Ooops! baby. If you have had sex recently, go and get Plan B from your pharmacy to make sure that you don't get pregnant. Plan B will prevent a pregnancy if you have had sex within 72 hours (and unofficially 120 hours).
I understand that start-up companies can run into financial problems. I understand that after all of the effort that your husband has put into the company, he may not want to bail immediately -- things can turn around in a week in a startup. But he has to be able to 1.) have the backup funds to handle these tight times *and* 2.) not be a complete jerk to you in the process.
Everyone gets tense when money is tight, but his behavior doesn't bode well for the long term. There will be other times when life is hard and if this is how he handles it (being a jackhole to you), your marriage will be hell on earth.
If you read her vendor reviews she states that she had a 28 person guest list. 28 people, $30K??? Seriously, this whole thing just gets fishier and fishier.
OP, clearly this guy led you on to marry you and gain citizenship. Hire a lawyer and get yourself out of this mess.
So what have we got then? MUD?? So this is like a thousand bucks per person for a wedding? or is that a typo on her end or something?
I think it's time we throw in the towel on this one. WHo knows what's what here?
It really does seem like this a girl who wanted to get married asap and was willing to overlook a million red flags along the way. OP- whether you admit Igor not, it is true.
Again, my friend google turned up her wedding bee posts (it is her knot name with 88 at the end--I am sure it is her) Red flags everywhere....the majority of her family didn't attend the wedding, no one showed for her bachelorette. I wonder why this was. Did they see this coming?
It is sad but OP will hopefully realize that now is the time to get out before things get worse.
It really does seem like this a girl who wanted to get married asap and was willing to overlook a million red flags along the way. OP- whether you admit Igor not, it is true.
Again, my friend google turned up her wedding bee posts (it is her knot name with 88 at the end--I am sure it is her) Red flags everywhere....the majority of her family didn't attend the wedding, no one showed for her bachelorette. I wonder why this was. Did they see this coming?
It is sad but OP will hopefully realize that now is the time to get out before things get worse
Perhaps that is why there were ony 28 in attendance.
I still can't see how in blazes a 28 person wedding costs that kind of money. You could have taken everybody to a restaurant and had the best meal in the house. I don't get it...HOW much money for a small group of guests?
I am on my tablet and can't paste the link but do a google search and look at luxuryshoegal88 's wedding bee posts. It seems like this has been going on for awhile Sadly, I don't think this is MUD-more like someone who was caught up in a planning a wedding.
ETA: I gotta read the rest of this thread. It looks messed up.
According to her weddingbee posts, there's also a mortgage involved in this mess.
*bangs head*
Mortgage??? What did this creep do, get a ninja loan, being he aint got the teeniest of pots to piss in and probably debt up the yitz, as well???
Once again: you do NOT buy what you cannot afford:
. Im just having a hard time canceling the honeymoon this late in the game as Ive been looking forward to it and saving so much for the past year. We are supposed to leave on Saturday and the flight is non-refundable as well as the deposit, please let me know what you bees think I should do...Im so mad but, I dont feel like I have the right to be...
So she was looking forward to it and that's why she needed to go on a trip she could not afford. Just because she could go, I guess.
She also claimed that a bridal party is not tradition in his culture. Looks like he lied about that, too: hello? Russians have THE biggest weddings going -- it's expected -- that's how it is -- it's kind of how the Greeks do it. Russians tend to have very large families (at least that's how it was with my dad's side of the family; there were 500 people at my parent's wedding)
Oh fvck. OP! Get an annulment and get yourself out of this mess! My head is hurting from all this fvckery. Just get out & get some therapy for yourself. This is so messed up!
This wholeeee story is insane!!!
I really feel for the OP. I hope you can have the courage to move on from this and start all over. I know that can't be easy....but I think we all agree here that there really is no fixing this situation....Your H is clearly not a good person and does not value you as his wife, above everything. You need to get out and move on and find a man who will treat you like his partner and his equal. Your H clearly thinks he can control you, which is the worst possible situation....sadly, I am in the group who thinks you need to get the eff out as quickly as possible...
Please continue to use us as support...
This might sound silly but have you ever done a google search on him ? Seriously google him. Have you ever done a google search on the company he says he is working for? Could you call that company and see if he even works there ? Is it really a start up? How many people do they say they employ ?
I also read another one of your posts on Weddingbee and you mentioned a "friend" of his back in Russia that wanted him to buy her stuff and he also wanted to give her flowers. I hate to sound crazy but could it be possible that he is already married and could that be why he wants you to stay with your parents for a few months ?
I am just saying a lot of stuff isn't adding up here.