Trouble in Paradise
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: That BF DD mags posted about?
Common on these boards. It's something I see here a lot.
As far as race goes, yeah, I can see why a black person might not want to date me. Much as I might try, I'm never entirely going to get all the ways racism pervades, or truly notice all the ways white privilege makes my life easier. Sure, I have other things to recommend me than racial experience, but given the choice between me, and someone who has a lot in common with me but is also black, probably the black guy isn't going to be picking me, and yeah, I think that's okay. I liken it to the experience of being female: any guy I am with will never, never fully get the female experience and what exactly male privilege awards him, and that irks me sometimes, to the point where if I had the option of being with someone who did have that experience in common with me, I'd take it in a heartbeat. As a heterosexual female I don't have that option, but when it comes to race, people do have that option of common ground available to them, and I can understand why they might value it.
Yes, I am female and no man will ever understand the experiences I go through by virtue of being blessed with lady bits instead of pen0r. But it's going to take more than that lack of commonality to convince me that I'm gay.
I'm sorry but as a biracial female, you absolutely cannot nor will not convince me that I have no commonality with someone outside of my race based simply on their skin color alone. And I'll never know if there is any commonality there if I cut them off at the pass just for asking me out.
You also won't convince me that I have more in common with someone just by virtue of shared skin color than I might in other aspects.
Because I guarantee you, the fact that their both black doesn't mean Michelle and Barack Obama have shared the same experiences with color.
Click me, click me!
I fundamentally cannot agree with that statement. I simply can't, especially if your only basis for it is skin color.
Some oblivious douchewad is going to miss out on the chance to have something real, meaningful and based on shared experience if you assume that the person standing in front of you has the same experiences or doesn't have them based solely on what color they appear to be when they ask for your phone number.
I mean I know white guys who were adopted and raised from toddlerhood by black families. I know a little white looking girl who isn't really all that white. I know black folks who are so solidly upper middle class that they don't know a thing about the experiences other black folks have dealt with aside from watching Mississippi Burning a time or two.
I mean fuuk, let's talk about Bliss. Homegirl is definately biracial. You can tell by looking at her. But her eyes were opened, OPENED, I tell you by The Help. She didn't know anything about that life. That alone proves what a dumbass you'd have to be to presume that one's skin color says anything about their life experience that it's cool to dismiss them without so much as a conversation.
Click me, click me!
::headdesk::
Click me, click me!
Just a lurker chiming in...
I totally get HIndsight's frustration. Kuus, It's somewhat easy for a person in your position to be ok with being discounted solely on the basis of race and perceived commonalities. Your position=white woman. Whether you know it or not, in the ranking of the world, you are the prized possession. Its very frustrating to date and feel as though people are immediately discounting you based soley on your race. I have no problems with people dating within their own races, outside their own races, but as a black woman who is frequently dismissed as dating potential (by all races)based solely on assumptions and stereotypes its very disheartening to hear someone say its ok to dismiss someone solely on their race.
Whether or not a black person prefers to date a black person, generally has little or nothing to do with that person understanding race or racism.
I'm sorry that you've had these experiences.
Even as someone whose day-to-day life has absolutely no racial diversity, I have a hard time comprehending the idea that it is okay to let race play a factor in deciding who you are going to date/be friends with.
I mean, I'm short. My husband is 6' 7". I've never had to deal with people asking me "how tall are you?" or "where do you shop for clothes. you're a big guy." I've never had to worry about walking into a ceiling fan or a light fixture or the top of a doorway. Does that mean that we are incompatible? Its a shallow comparison, but equally as idiotic.
Yeah, I get what you're saying, and I do agree with you (aside from Italy - black women are THE thing there). What I was saying was more of a followup to a post on P&CE about black women who won't date non-black men that spun off into black people possibly not wanting to date white people in general. As a white person, yeah, I can easily think that I'd date any race, but what I'm saying is, I wouldn't think it to be offensive if they wouldn't date me.
I also don't date tall people.