Trouble in Paradise
hindsight's_a_biotch
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Interro's romance novel research thread
Add your universal romance novel truths here, be they period correct or not. (usually not)
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Re: Interro's romance novel research thread
What have you been reading? lol
You've never come across the phrase puckered pink nipple as lovely and delicate as a flower that stood up under the careful attentions of his tongue?? Really?
Okay, see now I'm dying. I'm sorry, interro! lol
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"love nectar" reads better than "glob o'jizz"
LMAO oh dear HS!
And ESD I love that both of us went straight for the good stuff.
His eyes always pierce into her and she feels heat in her loins when he's near.
She is always shorter than him, so that her head can lay appropriately on his chest.
When they finally realize their love for each other, he will tell her to stay out of danger but she will inevitably find herself smack dab in the middle of it.
Oh I've seen that too. I'm thinking the historical ones. Harlequins read differently from Danielle Steele.
Also, your heroine should be completely clueless about the actual act of intercourse and yet she should view the corset as a garment of male oppression and shun them accordingly.
The latter part being patently false given that no chick of the era would be caught dead without a corset full.stop. Just as a true gentleman would never be seen without his frock coat or dressing robe. NO SHIRT SLEEVES EVER VISIBLE TO ANYONE OUTSIDE OF HIS BEDROOM OR BUSTING IT UP AT GENTLEMAN JACKSON'S WITH THE CAD WHO INSULTED A LADY, bonus points if it's his lady, even if she happens to be the maid.
YWIA!
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A romance novel goes like this:
Lovely girl meets hot guy
They do it (in roughly 75% of the cases, this starts out slightly non-consensual but always ends in mutual orgasm)
There is an obstacle to them being together (he's too proud for love, she fancies herself interested in someone else, someone's uncle is trying to do them in and steal their fortune, etc.)
They are freaking out about the obstacle so they do it (make sure to take up approx. 20 pages with this scene)
They get past the obstacle
They do it again to celebrate getting past the obstacle
They hit another obstacle and this one is way worse (she's pregnant, he gets amnesia in a foreign country, she gets kidnapped, etc)
He saves the day (it's always him that saves the day)
They do it again and it's life-changing earth-shaking heart-stopping amazingness
They get married/have a baby/live happily ever after
MAKE SURE THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
imoan is too good for romance novels
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Oh yes. Poor people had no romance in their lives. For reals. Honestly, they just had no lives. They laced corsets, turned down sheets, blew out the lights, and stood around for the sake of maintaining propriety only. They also disappeared like ghost the minute Lord so and so cast too longingly a gaze at his chosen lady.
They do, however, reappear whenever a cheeky remark is needed.
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Her hair is ALWAYS long! Long and flowing and silken and shiny.
He ALWAYS has a lumberjack physique.
HAB sent me over here.
- you cannot rape the willing. I mean, it might start out that way, but women cannot resist these heroes' charms. It's impossible. They will be begging for the sex by the time the virile man is done with them.
- 9 times out of 10, the women have been told my some female relative that the "marriage bed" is their "duty" and they must "submit" so they are frightened of the wedding night.
- the men always have a heart of gold underneath their gruff exterior.
- unlike real life, a woman's love will change them.
- also unlike real life, inevitably there is an orgasm - or multiple - during the woman's first time b/c the man is so experienced.
And though the woman is bitterly jealous of women currently in his life, the fact that her man was previously getting it on with everyone in a skirt prior to meeting her doesn't signify.
Bonus points for a bit of blood on the sheets as proof of her virginity. Double bonus points if he gets half way in there, realizes she's a virgin, pauses and then proceeds.
This should be followed by a marriage proposal come morning, particularly if he rushes out immediately to talk to her father and seal it up tight before she can protest. The marriage contract, silly, not her quivering ravished love petals.
She should of course go to her wedding sad and forlorn, doubtful he truly loves her and pretending as if she doesn't know good and damned well that once they boned she had no choice to marry him. One should also ignore the fact that IRL, most women of the era set up their chosen to have to marry her because once you stayed out overnight with a man, it really didn't matter if you boned him or not. He was yours.
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100% TRUTH
The protagonists often do not immediately like each other. In fact, they openly despise each other. This leads to passionate sex when they finally let down their walls and bare their souls to each other.
Also, the female protagonist has daddy issues of some sort. Either he was oppressive/overly attentive or he was distant/absentee. Bonus points if she's an orphan.
The heroine is always a virgin, unless she's a widow. If she was a widow, her deceased husband never ever ever gave her good lovin'. Deceased husband was a wham bam thank you maam with the lights off and clothes on kind of man.
Hero has been with many women, but has remained love-free (and disease free).
Hero is always nobility, but a manly aristocrat. You know, the kind that are tanned and muscular and not layabout dandies.
Oh yes, poor people are good for comedic relief.