Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Interro's romance novel research thread
If I write a trashy romance for NaNo, I'm keeping this thread bookmarked, thankyouverymuch!
Because his parents would certain allow it, the servants would of course treat her with respect, and the entire ton would be won over by their glorious love story.
DUKES ARE ALL POWERFUL!!!!
btw, in the order of things from wussiest to biggest, swingingest diik around, it's baron, viscount, earl, marquess, and duke.
Dukes are always Dukes of suchandsuch, everyone else is Lord whoeverthefuuk except in the most formal setting. Or something.
Click me, click me!
When they have sex for the first time, this formerly promiscuous male must whisper "My love, my sweet" into the virgin's ear. That's super-believable.
Oh, and said virgin must have no idea of her beauty. She lives in a house with no mirrors apparently.
Using the phrase "doesn't signify" must happen once per chapter.
Also nobody ever smells bad or has dandruff, lice, fleas or bedbugs.
Fireplaces never filled the room with smoke. Roofs don't leak. Unless of course they are forced to take shelter from an unexpected storm in a small rustic hut (these are scattered across the globe for this exact purpose btw), and then the roof might leak and the fireplace might smoke - but that's ok, becaus they'll be distracted by the heat of each other's gaze in about 3 seconds flat.
My Goodness...another food blog. Featuring: Macarons from a old post with a photo taken by my mom for a break from my crappy food photos!
There will always be some sort of fight between the couple that happens near the end.
The man will say something so completely rude and obscene to the woman and she will most likely faint and fall to her knees in tears.
They will separate, but she will be overcome with some kind of sickness or fall down the stairs. She will be laying in her deathbed and he will come to her begging for forgiveness.
She will wake and forgive him but be more concerned with his emotional wellbeing rather than her convalescence.
I am so glad my use of this phrase is not going unnoticed!
Oh, they both have "even white teeth". That's important. And he always has muscles and a hairy chest.
They always smell delicious and they both like to bathe often even if the story is set in a time period that contradicts this preference.
In the medieval romance novels, Barons or Earls tend to be the main male character. I am not sure if that is historically accurate, but I've noticed it in my recent Julie Garwood re-reads.
Oh and Scottish Lairds win every time. No matter what the battle is - Lairds WIN. Julie Garwood told me so. Judith McNaught disagrees though, and so does Royce Westmoreland.
Julie Garwood also says you should put two chairs by the hearth with a banner on the wall.
Also, despite what seems to be relatively liberal sexuality of the era, all sexual positions must allow for constant eye contact.
She can be on the top or he can be on top. But we don't do doggie, wheelbarrows, or anything that might break the "heat of his gaze." Because really, if he isn't looking into the heart of your very soul, you couldn't be convinced to give up everything for his dark, swarthy visage and overlook the shiitfit your mom is going throw or the scandal that will keep you stuck in the country for this season and every following season and completely ruin your future child's marriage prospects in 15 years.
Click me, click me!
To add to HAB's point above - orgasms can also come from words alone.
It's amazing. It's probably the combo of the heat of his gaze and the words. INSTANT ORGASM!
This is DEFINITELY going into my novel! I love small rustic huts and heated gazes.
Oh that's because all there were were barons and earls in medieval times. I couldn't even tell you where the rest of those biitches came from. Barons had the land and the knights. I don't know what earls did. I think they were generally kin to the king maybe.
LAIRDS DO WIN, except in real life when they were generally broke, barefoot, living in broken down castles and participated primarily in stealing from other lairds to make money. The myth of the scottish highlands is hilarious. Or hilariously sad, one or the other. lol
The only good read lairds were scottish peerage who were neither lairds nor highlanders.
But for the purpose of the romance novel, LAIRDS WIN!
Click me, click me!
She will need him in some way--a non-sexual and often an unwilling platonic relationship in which frustration/hatred turns into sexual frustration, lust and of course, love.
Clit is a "secret pearl", obvi
Particularly if we're riding in a carriage. Also, ladies will go ahead and bone mere yards away from her new husband's men, on the ground, under the sky, on the way back from wherever he snagged her. And they'll still respect her for it in the morning, especially if she blushes and refuses to meet their eye for the remainder of the journey. She will test that respect by turning the keep upside down upon her arrival, informing them that they smell, have terrible table manners, and are generally offensive and gross. She will find an ally in the village priest or the doddering old crazy who makes whiskey and perfects his golf game. In the end, thanks to her valiant efforts, they will agree that she is quite the lady indeed and they would die for her.
Click me, click me!
An unmarried female in a small rustic hut with a male who is not her relative might be RUINED by this and have to marry him even if nothing happens.
Click me, click me!
Might being if she cannot convince her cheeky, yet disapproving lady's maid to go along with her scheme of saying she'd been in her bed the entire time, alone, of course, embroidering.
Click me, click me!
This actually gave me a plot idea. Rustic hut ruination FTW!!
In which case, at some point, usually after the couple is married, the cheeky maid will tear into the titled male (hahaha, right.) for not being good to her lady in some way.
It's only rape if you slap her and/or fail to eat her out first.
Of course, if he puts a ring on it, all will be forgiven once she is carried back to his castle where the servants, his best friend, or his old nursemaid informs her of how another lady broke his heart, his daddy died young inflagrante delicto/was a notorious drunk, or his very soul was hardened by the untimely death of his first one true love and their unborn child.
Click me, click me!
Only if she's old and has raised the lady from birth. A young maid, however, is terrified of the new lord, gets skittish whenever he looks her direction or is generally too busy swapping hot gazes of her own with the lord's valet or the new household's nicest footman.
Click me, click me!
He always "encounters her maidenhead," even though the hymen IS NOT FOUR INCHES UP INSIDE THE VAGINAL CANAL.
Also, she always comes immediately when he touches her.
And the first time he goes down on her, she squeaks in embarrassment, but then is totally swamped with passion, throwing away centuries' worth of drilled-down shame in one single second with no reservations whatsoever.
Lastly, her dress always "melts away," when in reality it probably took a buttonhooker, three attendants, and twenty minutes.
Updated September 2012.
That's why he needs to rip it off of her heaving bosoms, y/y? See I can do this, lol. I'm thinking about something in colonial times, with a fiesty shopkeeper's daughter. Dude yet to be determined.
This would be awesome. She's in a mobcap; he's the dissolute, wayward son of a member of some Provincial Congress. Someone kills his father; fingers point to her father, a noted Georgian loyalist. She in desperation appeals to the son to help clear her father's name and avenge his father's murder.
Like Felicity: An American Girl. Only with, you know, violence. And heaving bosoms and oral sex.
Updated September 2012.