Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: He's 30. I'm 37.
Wut?
Whose to say he didn't think he wanted to marry her until then? Whose to say they weren't just banging now and then as booty calls by the time she got pregnant?
Even in Kuusylvania, sex isn't this cut and dry.
And dude, you're fuuking on some dude you aren't sure you'd marry every six months or so.
Again, POTS AND KETTLES!
Click me, click me!
This isn't even true!
Mortomo for PRESIDENT!
This isn't even true!
Seriously RW, I think you are just trying to somehow "win" an arguement of your own creation right now. Stop. Just stop.
Click me, click me!
Awesome.
Personally I wouldn't. There's a reason I didn't date when DS was younger. More concerned about dealing with the end of the relationship and adjusting to single parenting. One year wouldn't be enough time for me to be ready for something major.
Not much to add to what HS has already discussed. I agree with talking to him about the marriage & children issue. If he was "scared off" by that, then you have your answer - if he really was mature and in a similar place to where you are, he would likely have no issue talking about it without immediately assuming you were looking for his sperm to seed your baby that night. I see no qualms about the 30/37 difference, and it really is, at that point, more about where you each are in your lives rather than what year you were born. While usually the sexes are reversed in those age differences, I would say that at 30, it is entirely possible that he is in a similar life stage as you at 37.
As an aside, I have a lot more respect for a guy who knows that he does not want to marry the woman he knocked up, and doesn't, than one who does as it is "the right thing to do" even though he knows the relationship is going to go down like the Hindenburg. Nor does that mean he is not ready for marriage; maybe it just means he takes that step seriously and is not going to do it just to do it as he "should". It is too bad more people in the world did not figure that out. Sure he was off and on for a bit, but hardly surprising he hoped things might work out given the circumstances.
This is the most untrue of them all.
Bag on my relationships all you want, but leave my son alone.
She didn't say anything about your son, but rather your parenting of him. And it is true.
Yep. It was a slam on your parenting skills, not on how your son acts.
Good lord this. Don't pretend like we didn't all get a play by play of the whole shiit all over the bathroom business or the time your kid locked you out of the house so he could snatch ice cream out of the freezer or the fact that you think it perfectly reasonable for a kindergardener to kick or push other students. So say nothing of the fact that you seemingly can't let go of the kid's hand without him dashing out into traffic.
Also, the spitting. Sweet God, the spitting.
Click me, click me!
For you, no. People are different, and just because you handle the end of a relationship and co-parenting one way, it doesn't make it the right way.
The idea that I don't spend time parenting or disciplining my son is ridiculous. It's become my life's work. I spend my days writing social stories, practicing social skills, parenting, disciplining and coaching my child in concert with the work of a team of highly qualified educators and doctors. Let's not forget all of the books and articles I reference for ideas on parenting and behavior plans for my child. I've been torn a new one for utilizing self-discipline concepts (not the same thing as not disciplining, it's a process that helps the child realize what they did was wrong and they deserve punishment for it, which my child can't do.) and abolishing backtalk which kicks up when someone in the chain is not being consistent and allowing negotiation or backing down. BTW I refused to be scared off about volunteering in his class, so I'm busy with that too.
In my parent free time you can usually find me at a special education conference or workshop, shadowing my child at church or birthday parties and/or working on materials for my son. And occasionally my parent free time involves fun and things not associated with my child! (Everyone needs some balance.)
Sometimes his behavior plans don't mesh with your ideas about parenting and discipline, but I'd love to see your credentials and experience with special needs children.
I've never seen a kid put through the paces Iike mine is at school and at home. To have to make him repeat doing something that you all take for granted 25+ times until he gets it right is tiring on him and it's hard on the adult coaching him, but we all do it! The progress is slow, but there is progress and I'm proud of the hard work and small achievements my son makes every day.
Though things don't work out perfectly all of the time, I'm regularly commended for the work I do with my child at home and extended appreciation for the communication with teachers, doctors, etc. I've been asked to help other parents navigate the difficult situation as a mentor parent.
There were a lot of accusations thrown around in the last thread about how I don't parent, discipline or advocate for my child. I didn't have time for it. I've been extremely busy the last few weeks working on things for DS. I demanded the meeting be moved up and we worked out a new placement for DS. He's thriving right now! And I'm busy working on what we need to do next, which is explore medication options. We have an appointment this afternoon with a specialized pediatric unit that I'm hopeful will be very helpful.
I still will never understand the logic of TIP that because I'm bad at relationships I suck as a person and a parent too!
I love how you spent the majority of your manifesto telling us how busy you are . . . while typing your manifesto.
Hellleeeeeer!
And honey, we've seen plenty of evidence of your overall and specific fuukery. It's not just because you're "bad at relationships." It's because you are incapable of seeing or doing the obvious answer even when it's pointed out to you.
Click me, click me!
I appreciate a lot of the suggestions I get around here, unfortunately not all of them work for our needs or at the specific time. Trust that things don't fall on deaf ears. That's particularly to you and Kuus, but I can't elaborate.
Here's on that always works:
Never take relationship advice from a woman who hid from her boyfriend behind a stack of Harry Potter Legos because of some misguided worry that his child would be able to sense she rubbed bits with the kid's dad.
Click me, click me!
Wait--this happened? RUNAWAY ACTUALLY DID THIS?!
I am sick as hell right now and pissed that it came on the day before my birthday, but if this is true, everything in the world is better. Everything.
And RW, as others said, I didn't come after your kid. I came after you. Because you suck.
I'm not even mad that RW hijacked my post.
I took the sane parts of the conversation and left the rest.
By "rest", I mean eveything that RW said.
AND I got a good laugh for the day...win/win!
Using a word like that in my house will get your mouth washed out with soap.
We don't call people names and I lead by example. Even hiding behind the internet you'll see that I've never called names or said hateful things to people like they are regularly said about me.
RW,
I don't think you're a bad mom. I think you are in over your head with your son's issues. You need to use the available resources to learn how to handle him. I also think that you need to put your relationship needs aside and focus on your son until you can get his behavior under control. I believe you want to be the best mom to your son, but you don't know how. You seem to 'medicate' your problems with your son and past crappy marriage with bad relationships/sex. You obviously don't know what a healthy relationship should be and haven't learned from your mistakes.
I don't know exactly how you will achieve the above, but you have to do something or you will eventually have a son who is taller and stronger than you who is out of control and manipulative. He won't have friends and neither will you because no one will want their child around your son with his current behavior.
You need to look at what everyone said as constructive criticism. Ignore the name calling and really look at what we are saying. We go by what you tell us and from what you've told us, you don't have the situation under control at all.
What about the time you said the kids in the special education class were kids who drool all over themselves and can't talk? Or does that not count because it wasn't about someone on the internet, and it was true about those kids (according to you)?
Unrelated, but according to the googling I did (to try and find this Lego thing, because WTF), you TRIED to break up with emailbreakupsquirting guy TWICE, and he WOULDN'T TAKE THEM? How the hell does someone "not take" a breakup? You say, "hey, we're broken up." They don't get to say, "Nah, thanks, I'm good. Let's eat asparagus tonight and see if it makes your vagina taste funny."