Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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What would you do?
I understand that its all part of the gig to be sensitive and emotional during pregnancy, but I still think it was douchey for her H to act that way. I would be hurt too, and I would outright tell my H that that kind of shyt hurts my feelings. We all know that Betty is overly-sensitive cryer, but I still maintain that its douchey to say that to your pregnant wife ("You used to be hotter").
I would have to suppress the urge to nut-punch my H if he said that to me. What says TIP?
Re: What would you do?
It's a crappy thing to say at any time, but when your wife is already emotional and uncomfortable with the way her body looks it's a really crappy thing to say.
So I was ready to hate on him hardcore, being fat and knocked up myself. But after hearing how the conversation went I almost feel bad for him. I mean the gawking is out of control and that would have hurt my feelings but IDK, I guess I don't expect my H to think my pregnant ass is hotter than some non-pregnant hussy who meanders her way by.
Plus, he realized as he said it that uhm, it was not the right way to say that. LOL
I don't know. I guess I'm torn. I honestly don't think what he said has any bearing on how attractive he finds her now or before.
If H even tried to pretend my pregnant ass is just as hot as some random girl or as hot as I am when I'm not pregnant, I'd probably roll my eyes.
In any case, while I understand she was hurt, I don't think it should be a mark in dude's permanent record. She ought to mention it hurt her feelings, let him apologize and move on. If he refuses to apologize or make some kind of meandering excuse or flat out tells her she ain't that hot, then we can shank him.
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Hmm I think she's being dramatic. He said...
"No, you were hotter....um....I...uh.....I mean....uh...you ARE hotter"
I mean really, what does she want to hear? You're a million months pregnant and you're way hotter than those girls? She knows that's not true, so why would it make her feel better?
I don't know, I have no patience for this type of thing.
Oh, I also want to say that my "overdramatic" reaction stems from her whole "it's right before our first anniversary" and "I didn't think the attraction would fade this fast"...well you got KU immediately after you got married...I don't know I just think she's being unreasonable in what she expects from him.
Not that gawking obnoxiously is ever okay.
This, and what HS said. I'd probably be more offended if DH was all "OMG you are way hotter than those girls" when I was super pregnant, because he'd be lying through his teeth and I'd know it, which would make me feel like he felt like he couldn't be honest with me, which would make me feel incredibly stupid.
I just think the entire thing is silly. So there were hot girls, and your DH looked at them, so what? I guess I just wouldn't be concerned with it at all, even enough to bring it up to him.
Well, maybe I would if I were pregnant. I don't know. Those hormones do weird stuff, I hear.
I'm on team H here.
He looked. Hell, I notice when there's an attractive woman/man
And she *kind* of painted him into a corner
Whatever. She knows that her body doesn't look the way it used to. He was clearly not trying to hurt her feelings. It sounds like he is generally very sensitive to her feelings. I would give him a pass.
Of course, this is coming from a non-pregnant third party observer. It's easy to be rational in my position.
My husband would never say that, he would simply say, "Your beautiful babe." that would be just enough to shut me up with a smile.
Could've been the slip of the toungue for that guy, but still...think before you speak, especially to someone 9m pregnant & quite hormonal.
Why would she go to lunch with her husbands coworkers even? Its not lunch with girls...
I think her H needs to work on being more discreet.
The fact that she caught him, in her words, gawking at these women makes me think he's a bit dim.
Then again, she could be exaggerating.
I'm w/ a few of the others here... I don't see the comment as all that bad.
But the gawking part of the story? That is what I found douchey. It's one thing to LOOK at a hot guy/ girl. Heck, my DH and I will notice the same hot girls and then look at each other and laugh.
But gawking is never involved w/ chins hanging down. I mean, really? People do this?!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
The jaw dropping combined with his verbal slip is bad, but I think he just never really thought how it would affect his wife. So yeah it's bad, but it's more on the "OMG, he's such an idiot for his verbal diarrhea" side of things.
I was really unhappy with how I looked while pregnant, so something like this would really bother me--even though I would totally recognize how irrational that is.
I had to go back and re-read some of that but yes-- she is being a bit dramatic, I agree.
I don't think the looking would bother me so much (I've caught a glance when H was at the gym, but this girl was barely dressed) as the comment about how she used to be hotter. I get it that when you are pregnant you don't want your H to insult your intelligence by lying to your face (I don't want that either). He made a mistake & apologized (she updated).
Looking is human-- the comment thing is douchey. Also, I think that if he really did GAWK vs. steel a glance (Pedantic was right about learning to be discreet) then its just a really big fail.
I wouldn't hold it against my husband (we all say stupid things at one point) eternally and I am not advocate that she does. I can just see how issues with body image & esteem can creep up here at the end. Thankfully my husband is very supportive with my body issues, and tells me he thinks I'm beautifully bodacious here at the end.
It just sucks if you are feeling like a pregnant, sweaty heifer I guess. *shrug*
I agree w/ BBE.
I agree she painted him into a corner. She basically said hey I was that hot before I was PG. And his response was no babe, you were hotter. Then he realized Ms. hormonal might be sensitive about her currently PG state and tried to amend it to no, you ARE, hotter. That's a decent guy right there.
This would be like me seeing a hot girl on the street and saying hey, I looked that hot last Friday when I dressed up and DH being like no, you looked hotter. That's a compliment. It doesn't mean he thinks wednesday kellbell is an ugly ass heifer, he's just responding to the statement made.
2 possibly inappropriate things from a guys point of view:
1. I feel his pain. I have many times stood there with a smoking gun, staring at the hole in my foot, thinking, 'shiit, that was meant to make her feel better.'
2. Pregnant women really are kind of hot. Round. Ripe. Juicy.
You know, I'm fairly certain there was an attempt at a compliment in there. As in, you may have caught me gawking at those hot girls, but you're a hotter (not pregnant) than they are (not pregnant). And of course, he realized his error, implying he no longer found her hot and quickly tried to backtrack only making it worse.
As for the open mouthed/blatant gawking, that was incredibly rude. I find guys who do that while with a date/girlfriend/wife disgustingly tacky. Of course guys notice hot girls, but there's no need to make a production out of it. Gawking in general is just ick, but while you're with your SO (doesn't matter the gender really), not cool.
I think he just said it in an awkward way. Not his best moment, but I really don't think he meant it as an insult. It seems he was saying, "You've always been super hot, but I noticed those skinny girls." Which, of course, no pregnant woman wants to hear, but I think he was trying to say that she normally had a hot and fit body. He said it awkwardly and came off as douchey, especially since there's really no good way at all to say something like that, and it should probably just not be said at all. As a PP said, my FI would probably say, "Oh sweetie, you're gorgeous, don't worry about THAT."
That said, a little bit of ick factor on the fact that he gawked at the women. He really could've controlled that, especially since his wife was feeling sensitive and he probably knew that.
Well, yippity skippity!
Click me, click me!
I'm thinking that the gawking part was probably a little bit dramatized as well.
I'm thinking over sensitve pregnant lady. I don't know though. I'm weird. I spent 9 months DD-ing for my BILs and DH's friends, so I would have probably checked out the girls at the bar too.