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I need support
I know I only started posting a few weeks ago, and I haven't posted for a couple of weeks, but I really need to write this somewhere. My mother has a very serious form of cancer, and I've come back home to be with her. You may recall that I moved recently, away from my family and FI, but I just feel that I need to be here with my family now.
I don't even know how to deal with any of this. I just found out a couple of weeks ago, and this happened so suddenly. FI has been SOOO supportive, but he's going through his own emotions too because he is extremely close to my mother. So I've been his shoulder to cry on as well. It does help to be going through it together, I must say.
My mother is starting her treatments next week, and we're just all trying to stay positive and hopeful. She's a bit conked out from her meds right now, but she's hoping to drop one of the meds soon and be back to normal physically.
It's especially ridiculous if you know my mother. She's the most vibrant, health-conscious person you've ever met. She's just go, go, go, never stop working, never stop moving, never stop talking and creating and thinking. She's my best friend in the world. We talk about everything, we love each other so much.
Not sure what I'm looking for here. Just to vent, I guess? 
Re: I need support
I'm sorry, Mocha. Cancer is tough. Being a caretaker is tough. Please make sure that you are taking care of yourself as well as your mom.
Hugs.
Thanks, Muddled. I'm trying to do things for myself when my dad is home (after work, weekends). I'm having drinks with a friend tomorrow. My best friend is actually out of the country for another couple of weeks, which sucks a lot, but I'm really looking forward to him coming back.
I'm so sorry MochaMacchiato. I've been where you are (my dad is a colon cancer survivor) and I really do know how you feel. You will feel shock, numbness and disbelief in the beginning. Unfortunately, cancer does not discriminate. You can be a very health-conscious person and still get it. Let yourself feel what you have to feel. You will feel angry, hurt and listless in turn.
It is great that you moved home to be with your mom & that your FI is being so supportive. You will need it all on your journey. Trying to remain hopeful is absolutely the best way to go about it. One of the most powerful things that a cancer patient has is hope.
Have you looked into support groups? Your mom's doctor should be able to provide you with information. There are groups that meet to discuss feelings/treatments etc. You want to get to know some folks in similar situations. The more support you have the better.
Sending you love, thoughts & prayers during this difficult time. If you ever need someone to talk to then please PM me. Please take care of yourself too. ((hugs))
((hugs))
I'm so sorry, cancer just plain sucks. You and your mom will definitely be in my thoughts. Vent any time, we are here for you.
This is good. I know your mom needs support, but so do you. I imagine that your dad will also lean on you and you will want to be able to be there for him. Taking breaks is good. Having people to talk to is good. It allows you to be strong when you need to be.
Thanks, guys. It really helps to have all of your support. I know this will be a ridiculous emotional roller coaster, but I'm really trying to keep my mom in good spirits because I know how much that helps.
My dad is definitely in a worse emotional state than me, though. He lost his brother only two years ago, and he's been kind of depressed since then. He was a little distant with my mom during that time, and that caused some strife between them, but now I can tell he's really regretting that, because he's been really clingy with her for the past week or so. I feel as if even though this is going to be hard for me, he's in an even worse emotional state in general and that will just make this ten times worse for him.
I know I haven't posted a lot of back story about FI's life, and I'll do that soon (because I like to vent about that -- interesting story, but sad, too). But I know this is gonna be hard for him, too. UGH.
I'll definitely look into getting some support from others in this situation. I made some really friendly acquaintances/friends at the job I was just at for a month (across country), and they're being amazing about helping me get my stuff, figuring out my apartment, etc. I'm so grateful for them, especially since we don't really know each other well at all.
I'll probably be posting more now -- not just to vent, but also for some nice distraction. Thanks again, everyone!
I'm so sick of fuking cancer...everywhere i turn..
It is a horrible thing to deal with....while you are taking care of her remember to take care of yourself. I agree that a support group is a good idea.
Cancer sucks! Your mom is lucky to have you. Make sure to take care of yourself as well as your mom.
Lurker here.... I'm so sorry to hear about your mom
I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer just shy of 5 years ago, so I understand what you are going through. My suggestion is look into organizations that support the particular type of cancer your mom has, often times they will have a multitude of resources to provide to patients and their families that doctors don't always know about.
Lean on your friends as much as you need to - that's what they are there for.
I'm so sorry Mocha. **hugs**
Make sure you have a shoulder or two to cry on as well. You have to take care of yourself and have support in order to be able to help care for and support others. I hope you're able to find a support group that's a good fit.