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cousins husband wdyt? it sucks...
well, my cousin is married for 7 years. they have 2 children. the wife has some problems. she is afraid of the germs for her children. she constantly reminds her husband to wash his hands. hedoes forget to wash them when he comes into the house from being outside of the home. she gets anxious about things in general.
Her husband gets very annoyed with all of he reminders about washing his hands. he has told her a few times in the last couple days he is going t leave for the weekend if she doesmt stop with the hand washing thing. he says it in a threatening way. (not violent)
The wife and one of the daughter are having a hard relationship right now. the wife had a baby recently(7 months ago). ever since the wife got pregnant, the wife and the 4 year old daughter have been having a hard time getting along. the wife snaps at her. the daughter doesnt listen at all. the husband tells the wife all day what to do with the daughter to make their relationship better. he does it in front of her and behind closed doors...he tells the wife you are a terrible mom. and when the daughter is 18 she will want nothing to do with u. the mom is habving a hard ti,e with the daughter. she is trying her best to be a good mom. she knows there is rom for improvement. the dad puts the mom down in front of the kids. tells her go cry downstairs. he makes no effort to stop being mean to the mom. the mom feels like the dad is constantly managing her like she is hired help...dont relationships with kids have a transition after a baby comes?
They both have mentioned divorce often. They are in marriage counseling. It does help...But it hard for them to find someone to watch their kids...
What should she do? Is this emotional abuse? The mom stays in it bc she loves him and wants to make it better with marriage counseling...bc the conuseling helps....she feels bad for being so anxious and kind of feel ike she sort of deserves what he gives her....he really does not try to stop being hurtful to her...
Re: cousins husband wdyt? it sucks...
Any chance she's seen her OBGYN about PPD?
Perhaps in addition to marriage counseling, she needs to see someone about possible PPD and OCD/anxiety.
I will say, though, that the marriage counseling may not be going so well if he's threatening to leave for the weekend. I'm not sure how long they've been in counseling but my understanding is that it gets worse before it gets better. If they feel they aren't getting the results they want from the current counselor, then they may need to look into seeing someone else.
Its also OK to not be compatible and separate so that both parents can be happy and healthy and really, THAT is what is best/most important for kids - to have happy parents.
I'd definitely have her see someone individually, though. I'm not saying that none of what is going on isn't the H's fault but if things have really taken a downturn since LO2 arrived, it may be PPD.
You ended your post by asking "what should she do?" I would think she should stay in marriage counseling in the hopes that she and her husband learn how to work on overcoming their challenges and difficulties. It also depends how much time they have spent in marriage counseling. You also mentioned they don't go often, was that correct? Because they can't find someone to watch the kids? Marriage counseling is a lot of work and it's not something that's done sometimes when it's convenient to get to appointments. And are they discussing their anxieties during the sessions?
I am wondering if she's got obsessive compulsive disorder? There appearst to be more than the normal occupation about germs and bacteria.
The only way to find that out would be through an evaluation.
And wow, it's a 4 year old kiddo. Something is amiss here -- maybe she's under a lot of stress (little kids are wonderful but wowza when they act up...) maybe she's ov erworked, maybe she's got a medical/emotional issue.
At best, she needs a full medical checkup.
(These things are "curable".)
Her H can use a lesson in TACT. Maybe it's not so good that she's having a tough time coping with a 4 year old but wow, you don't go telling your wife you're a bad mother! Not the thing to do and not cool.
This is very bad news:
. the dad puts the mom down in front of the kids. tells her go cry downstairs. he makes no effort to stop being mean to the mom. the mom feels like the dad is constantly managing her like she is hired help...dont relationships with kids have a transition after a baby comes?
This is also very bad and not a healthy environment fotr the youngsters.
They will get the idea that it's okay to walk all over Mom and that their dad does not respect either his kids or their mother.
He needs to cut this out STAT.
They need better counseling -- and I am guessing the wife is hesitant to give the counselor the real story about what is happening.
She needs a full checkup (and an evaluation for OCD) --- am very surprised the counselor has not suggested the checkup and OCD evaluation --- and he needs to learn tact.
This whole situation is bad all around. Hope this works out for the best.
Little kids have a way of picking up on things -- it sounds like both of them could aslo use parenting classes.
Don't middle school kids or high school kids babysit anymore? How about a good neighbor -- wouldn't one be willing to take the 4 year old for an afternoon, even if it's to sit and read together, go to a park or color or keep busy? The mom can use a break badly --- guessing also she never gets any alone time, either.
I agree with PP
It sounds like a stressful situation; the mom seems to have OCD/germaphobe/anxiety issues, and the husband is probably sick and tired of it and lashing out as a result.
Having children changes things, and I am sure that he is stressed from picking up all of the slack since she is pregnant. I think she needs to look into her OCD/germaphobe/anxiety issues. I think that dad is concerned about the daughter, and when you have a child they become number one. He doesnt want his daughter being verbally abused. He probally doesn't want her to be spoken to that way, and is just not explaininig it to mom correctly. I would be pissed too if someone was telling me that I was a bad mom, and it may come off as abusive, but maybe she is 'currently' being a 'bad mom', and she needs a wake up call. This is a tricky situation. Be there to support her, but explain that dad probally is concerned about the daughters emotions. Maybe mom needs a mom's day out with a cocktail of OCD meds.
Her husband is an ass. Yeah, she has problems and should probably consult her doctor about PPD, but he calls her a bad mom in front of her kids? WHO is that helping? He belittles her when she cries? WHAT is that going to fix? Is she in individual therapy as well? She should be to deal with her germ issues and new baby issues.
Do they discuss the way he talks/threatens her when he gets upset in therapy? Maybe he is annoyed, maybe he is trying to snap her out of her depression, but his tactics are deplorable. Has he always talked to her this way, or did it just start after the second baby?