Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: How to make amends with your child
And what exactly has the rest of the family done for him? You keep saying that family is so important and can't be replaced, but you abandoned him and your other children. It's absolutely ridiculous that you "don't agree" with his choice to cut his sister out of his life, but you have no problem with your daughter cheating on her husband and stealing from her family members.
Family absolutely IS replaceable. As you and your daughter have shown by your actions, DNA is pretty meaningless, so I imagine it's pretty easy for your son to think of other people (like his wife) as his family, even though he's not biologically related to them.
You and your daughter sound like absolute leeches. I would give your son a high five if I could.
This has got to be MUD. If not, you're the world's biggest hypocrite.
"Family is more important than anything"--you abandoned your family to live the life you wanted to lead. Why should anyone listen to your preaching about the importance of family?
"His wife only loves him for his money."--sounds like you also value his monetary contributions to your lifestyle more than you value your relationship.
"Family is more important than money"--but you won't set aside your dislike of his wife for the sake of family because you think she's a golddigger.
If you ever get the opportunity to be in your son's life again, you should realize that you can never try to make him act a certain way (forgive his sister, etc) and you can never disparage his wife, because he WILL choose her over you. So my advice would be to keep apologizing and let them know that you'll respect their decisions and will not ever try to give them advice or shape the way they act. Maybe eventually they'll let you back in. If they do, you have to act the way you promised to act. Your DIL doesn't believe your apologies because you don't mean them and you'd go back to your ways once you get back in.
Ultimately though, you made this bed.
Wow. Let me get this straight: you weren't there for your son growing up. He was kind enough to forgive you AND support your no-good ass for years. Then he gets married. You're bitter that the money train has ceased because he is focusing on his wife and family, the way any good parent would? I can understand that, given your history, you can't recognize healthy adult behaviour. But, by the sounds of it, your son was lucky enough to have a normal adult life and behave like a responsible adult.
How to make amends: call him. Apologize for your behaviour, with no strings attached. Don't ask for or accept any more money from him. Be kind to his wife. Be loving towards the kid(s), whether they're his biological kids or not. Let him work out his relationship with his sister. Be thankful if he speaks to you at all.
FWIW, if you were my mother, I probably wouldn't accept your apologies, either.
You're obviously not stuck in those ways. You weren't there for your SIX CHILDREN when you abandoned them. The only reason you want to make amends with your son is so he'll put you back on the gravy train. FFS, lady, you brought this on yourself.
Lady you are a piece of work.
If you wanted to teach your son that family was so important and irreplaceable, a good place to start would have been not abandoning him as a child.
You keep acting like your son has abandoned his entire family for his wife. He still speaks to two sisters and possibly the other two siblings you haven't even mentioned and the father who actually raised him. Your son didn't chop down his family tree by ending his relationship with his deadbeat mother and thieving sister - he just trimmed off the infected, dying branches before they could ruin everything else too.
You made your choices when you were young and they were sh!tty choices that only served you. You hurt your children, you abandoned them, you left them. They don't owe you anything. You need to accept that your awful decisions got you here, with only one of your six children wanting anything to do with you. This is not your son's fault, it's not your DIL's fault. It is YOUR fault.
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Sure they can be replaced...they're called 'friends' and 'inlaws' and 'people who don't steal from me and don't make my life hellish'
You should indeed see a therapist. They'll be nicer than we were whle telling you the same damnthing.
Sure they can be replaced...they're called 'friends' and 'inlaws' and 'people who don't steal from me and don't make my life hellish'
You should indeed see a therapist. They'll be nicer than we were whle telling you the same damnthing.
JoyousOne, you have one f*cked up definition of family if one's WIFE doesn't make the cut.
If you truly believed that family is "always there for each other", you wouldn't have abandoned your six kids. WTF is wrong with you?
I quoted the above because I think the part about your son cutting off the "infected" branches needed to be repeated. You sound like a toxic, selfish woman and I think the best thing your son could have done FOR HIS FAMILY (read: his wife and kids) is keeping you the hell away from them. You and your daughter sound like nothing more than money-grubbing leeches.
You are out of your damn mind if you think your son should "have" to forgive his lying, theiving sister. I would never speak to my brother again if he stole that kind of cash from me. Why on EARTH would he go and pay for his niece's cheer camp? It's not his job to support his criminal sister's kids, it's her job as the parent of that child. Maybe her mother should use the money she stole from your son to pay for it. It's not your place to tell him to forgive her, and I don't blame him one bit for telling you off. You don't have a daughter-in-law problem. You have a cheating, stealing, lying daughter problem and a selfish YOU problem.
Did you really think anyone on this site was going to tell you any different? That anyone would say "Oh, sure, he should TOTALLY have to forgive his conniving sister, who won't even admit her wrongdoing, and keep feeding his sister and her kids money and driving you around." What in the ever-loving he!l did she DO with the $30K?
There's a huge, huge difference between stealing $30K from your sibling and, oh, stealing a pair of jeans or something. You seem to be really stuck on thinking that stealing THIRTY GRAND from someone should just be water under the bridge, and you sure don't seem to care much that she did it.
This relationship is beyond repair. You are siding with his sister (who, did anyone mention is a lying, cheating thief???), and I can only imagine how that feels to him. You're abandoning him all over again. You can't force forgiveness, family or not. Stop blaming your daughter in law. It's not her fault your relationship with your son is ruined. It's yours and your awful daughter's.
Honestly, I don't think your son will ever forgive you. As long as you think he should forgive his sister for stealing from him and as long as you think that being family means it's okay to treat each other like dirt, he probably will never forgive you. I agree that you should go to a therapist: maybe that will help you see the situation from your son's point of view and see why he's removed himself from your life.
SERIOUSLY? You want your son to forgive your daughter for stealing an exorbated amount of money (when he was already helping her finacially), basically accusing his beloved of infidelity--and she never even admitted to doing anything wrong? SERIOUSLY?
You hold the belief that spouse can be replaced, but siblings and parents can't, but you abandoned your children to be raised by other people SERIOUSLY?
Lady, you are seriously BSC. I hope your son and the rest of your children stay far away from you.
Your definition of family seems to mean that he should tolerate being drained of his money and you talking about his new family. You said that your daughter in law attacked your daughter and that she should press charges but the court threw them out? I am guessing they threw it out because it was not a 30,000 ass whoopin, you may not understand how hard he had to work for that money because it sounds like you have had someone else handling your responsibilities your entire life and now your upset because your daughter in law cut the grip you had on his wallet.
He doesn't owe you ANYTHING! Just because you have the same DNA doesn't mean your family. Tell me, what have you done for him besides expect him to forget about being ripped off for 30,000 by his ho bag sister and take from him? Nothing except cause problems and upset his new wife. She probably saw what users you people are and wised him up to that fact. You really need professional help because I really think you have convinced yourself you are in the right and this is all DILs fault. Why don't you try accepting your part in this mess, instead of blaming DIL for telling her husband you were siding with his stealing slutty sister why don't try and understand why it is wrong you sided with her in the first place. There is soooooooooo many things wrong with all of your post I would write a novel if I tried to address them all, but know this, you are wrong in alot of this and don't be so quick to point your finger at your DIL, she and their kids are his priority and his family, they come first, not you.
I am giving my mother in law the biggest hug she's ever gotten in her life the next time I see her, as well as my own mother.
OP, I can't really believe you are for real, but if you are- apologize to your son, and if he doesn't forgive you, let him cut you out of his life. You sound like the worst excuse for "family" I could think of.
You say family should be more important than money... can you not see that your son probably felt the same way about his sister's despicable actions? That their relationship should have been worth more to her than STEALING from him??
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