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Would you consider this cheating?

I was having a conversation with the DILF about how XH used to get "happy ending" massages and he was appalled and said it was cheating.  I don't know why but I never thought of it as cheating until he said it...probably because I was so miffed by the drug use that I would have been happy if a "happy ending" was all that XH was doing.  So, yes, cheating?
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Re: Would you consider this cheating?

  • Yes, it is cheating. Your husband was receiving sexual favors from another woman.
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  • Seriously? If I am understanding this correctly, your XH would get jerked off by another woman aka massage therapist?
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  • You know I think maybe I just have kind of weird views on it but I have to think about that one. I think emotional cheating is worse than something solely physical, and I dunno, getting a handy from some massage parlor lady is kinda creepy lol but I don't know if I'd really consider it cheating.
  • Yes.  Seems like it's paying for sexual favors...
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  • Creepy and cheating. Definitely.
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  • Awesome, now I can add that to the artillery of crap that I had to deal with...truth be told, I almost forgot about it until I passed a sketchy massage parlor the other day. 
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  • Absolutely.  Yes!
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  • I would be greatly displeased by that.  Cheating, yes. 

    So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

  • Not only is it cheating, but it's disgusting.
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  • Yes.
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  • imagePrettyInPearls23:
    Not only is it cheating, but it's disgusting.

    Yeah, the worst part is I asked him if it was some hot Russian woman (they had a lot of those where we lived abroad) and he said no, it was some old Asian lady.  Um, WTF did I even shave my legs for that man?!

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  • imageMintChocoChip:

    imagePrettyInPearls23:
    Not only is it cheating, but it's disgusting.

    Yeah, the worst part is I asked him if it was some hot Russian woman (they had a lot of those where we lived abroad) and he said no, it was some old Asian lady.  Um, WTF did I even shave my legs for that man?!

    Ewww!

  • imageDakotaDangerDog:
    You know I think maybe I just have kind of weird views on it but I have to think about that one. I think emotional cheating is worse than something solely physical, and I dunno, getting a handy from some massage parlor lady is kinda creepy lol but I don't know if I'd really consider it cheating.

    Trust me. When it happens to you it's just as devastating.  

  • Yes.  That's cheating.
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  • imagepdx18:

    imageDakotaDangerDog:
    You know I think maybe I just have kind of weird views on it but I have to think about that one. I think emotional cheating is worse than something solely physical, and I dunno, getting a handy from some massage parlor lady is kinda creepy lol but I don't know if I'd really consider it cheating.

    Trust me. When it happens to you it's just as devastating.  

    and I'm sure some people think finding out their husbands watch porn is devastating as well. I would not. I respect that is how you feel about it, but I don't think everyone feels the same.

  • I am late on this, but "yes" IMO it is cheating.
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  • Cheating.  How could it not be?

    I wonder how many times you touched his wang after the old asian broad touched his wang.

    I think you are awesome Mint, but for the love of ***...why the hell did you marry this little boy?

    Now I am debating whose ex is worse...Achase or yours.  No offense.

  • I had never heard of the term "happy ending massage" until This. Very. Post. So I may be missing some of the finer points, but:

    1. He paid for sexual favors, so that was no massage therapist. That was a whore.

    2. Sexual favors from anyone other than you is cheating.

    3. Telling you about it (they way it sounds like he handled it, anyway) was abuse.

    4. I'm suddenly thinking, whether she knows about this particular situation or not,  your therapist was on the money with her PTSD comment (that was your post, right? Now I have to go look ... )

     

    ETA: Well, the "premature PTSD diagnosis" discussion wasn't in the post I was thinking of, so I don't know wth that is (where the heck, in case that wasn't clear). And I agree that your therapist sounds a bit too judgy and it would be perfectly reasonable to keep looking. But I stand by my opinion that it sounds like you may have ptsd-like, or ptsd-related, or downright ptsd, issues.  And I love (sincerely, and honestly) that DILF sees it, recognizes it, and addresses it. He's a keeper!

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  • cheating, creepy, and illegal
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  • imagejm5855:

    Cheating.  How could it not be?

    I wonder how many times you touched his wang after the old asian broad touched his wang.

    I think you are awesome Mint, but for the love of ***...why the hell did you marry this little boy?

    Now I am debating whose ex is worse...Achase or yours.  No offense.

    Bwahahahaha!!!

    I think it's a tie straight across the board.

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  • imageDakotaDangerDog:
    imagepdx18:

    imageDakotaDangerDog:
    You know I think maybe I just have kind of weird views on it but I have to think about that one. I think emotional cheating is worse than something solely physical, and I dunno, getting a handy from some massage parlor lady is kinda creepy lol but I don't know if I'd really consider it cheating.

    Trust me. When it happens to you it's just as devastating.  

    and I'm sure some people think finding out their husbands watch porn is devastating as well. I would not. I respect that is how you feel about it, but I don't think everyone feels the same.

     I say this because I'm truly curious, but to clarify, your significant other paying for sexual favors would be acceptable in your relationships?

  • Yes, it's cheating.  And gross. 
  • I can't believe you actually had to ask that question!


  • imagepdx18:
    imageDakotaDangerDog:
    imagepdx18:

    imageDakotaDangerDog:
    You know I think maybe I just have kind of weird views on it but I have to think about that one. I think emotional cheating is worse than something solely physical, and I dunno, getting a handy from some massage parlor lady is kinda creepy lol but I don't know if I'd really consider it cheating.

    Trust me. When it happens to you it's just as devastating.  

    and I'm sure some people think finding out their husbands watch porn is devastating as well. I would not. I respect that is how you feel about it, but I don't think everyone feels the same.

     I say this because I'm truly curious, but to clarify, your significant other paying for sexual favors would be acceptable in your relationships?

    I want to know this too.  Is the fact that it is a "massage therapist" what makes it okay?  What if it was just a regular hooker jerking him off, would that make it not okay?  Or are all hand jobs from strangers cool with you?

    I'm pretty sure when anyone but his wife puts a part of their body on your husband's junk until he finishes is cheating.

  • imagejm5855:

    Cheating.  How could it not be?

    I wonder how many times you touched his wang after the old asian broad touched his wang.

    I think you are awesome Mint, but for the love of ***...why the hell did you marry this little boy?

    Now I am debating whose ex is worse...Achase or yours.  No offense.

    Ha!  Thanks for the laugh.  Don't worry, I rarely touched his wang anyway.  He was always too high to get it up...well, too high to get it up for me (I'm not an old Asian masseuse). 

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  • Whoa this is weird. I would say it is cheating. But why did he need to have a hand job (hands only right?) from an old Asian woman??  Barf. 
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  • definately cheating
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