Sex & Romance
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Can an open marriage work?
This kind of relationship usually does not work out the way the people involved think it will, I think partly because its not only he and you, now there are other people getting involved and they might not want to play by your rules. What happens if he starts to develop feelings for a woman he was intimate with, or she falls for him and doesn't want to share him with you, or you find yourself becoming jealous and wanting to change your arrangement back to monogamous but he doesn't, or you start developing feeling for another man? These are scenarios that could possibly arise and cause some serious issues in your marriage and you need to really think if this is worth potentially separating over.
If this was never discussed with your husband before now he may find it offensive that you even suggested it, a mans ego is a very fragile thing tread lightly. Good Luck
Hi Jen,
I read a lot of the replies you got, as I am also interested in the subject. I think that many people take open marriage for swinging, although these are different things. But the answer your question, yes, I think it can work, but it's not for everyone. I would advise you to take things slow and try to find out what your husband thinks about the subject without mentioning this is something you'd consider doing. Based on his reaction you can go further or not.
I did hear of couples who have an open marriage and they seem to be happy. I wish we could try but we've been too chicken so far
I think it would be a great way to spice things up and make life interesting without hurting anyone.
Good luck!
Why do you want to remain married? The only reason I ask is, if you want the excitement of the new relationship, why don't you pursue being single? In my opinion, if you are bored with your husband in bed, I think it is influenced and affects other aspects of the relationship. Are you satisfied with everything else in your relationship and your life?
Personally, I think people fixate way too much on this idea of "excitement" and "butterflies". That will always fade. That's not real love, and that's not what the depth of a relationship is about. What's important is what remains after all that has passed.
I believe that you can be as happy as you want to be with your relationship and your life. You either make it work or you don't, and its a conscious decision we all can make.
I truly think that the open marriage CAN work. But I don't think it can work forever. I feel that in the end you wind up back where you started. Unsatisfied and looking for something new that is a "quick fix".
Analyze how satisfied you are in all aspects of your life. Discuss these things with your spouse, and discuss how you feel about your relationship and sex life. Whether you have a monogamous marriage or an open one, you need to always have open communication with each other and talk about everything. You also need to give consideration to their feelings. What if he is completely against the idea of an open marriage? What is your next step/solution? These are all things you need to consider, and I think you have a lot of self reflection to do.