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Just a little vent. A "vent-ie", if you will.
The ILs have a dog. I'm a cat person and DH is both.
The dog occasionally needs caretaking (when the ILs go out of town, twice a year, for a week at a time) and again, yesterday, we got the standard "can you look after the dog on this and this date?" email.
I know they really love the dog, and I know my DH does as well, and since we don't allow him in our house (I use the cats as a reason, but it's totally justified and I'm sticking to my guns on that one), it's fine by him to go up to their home a couple of times a day (they live pretty close to us) and feed/walk the dog, but ... it's annoying. It totally kills any chance of a decent weekend and although it happens very rarely, it still bugs me.
Now they're asking about January and it's just bugging me that they feel that we're always going to help with the dog. I wish they'd be more amenable to a kennel. *sigh*
Re: Just a little vent. A "vent-ie", if you will.
not an il issue. an issue with dh not being able to say no. when he says no is when they'll go the boarder route and not before.
So then why do you keep agreeing to do it? If you say no then they'll find someone else or board him in a kennel. They keep asking you guys to do it because you keep saying yes.
Why can't you just bring the dog over to your house? Is the dog nasty, not housebroken, ill-behaved? Or do you just not care for dogs? If you aren't allergic to the dog and if he's a nice dog who won't destroy your house, then it seems like (if you insist on helping out the in-laws) it'd be easier to just suck it up and let the dog stay with you.
Or you could stay at the in-laws' house to care for the dog and then go out and do things in their area, if they don't mind you staying at their place.
Why would they put him in a kennel when they have their son to care for the dog?
If it bothers you and you are in the neighborhood, why don't you look for a local kid to do it or at least go-in on the weekends? I loved dogs as a kid and I had a great deal going with an elderly couple when they went away for the weekend. They were great tippers.
And just to be clear, you should be doing the tipping for the kid, since this is YOUR issue, your ILs already arranged great care for free.
I didn't mean for this to turn into a thing. I just wanted to vent; there's really nothing here to "solve" other than my mild - yes, MILD - resentment.
I don't think it's unreasonable to wish they'd just go to a kennel once in a while and leave you guys alone for a weekend, but on the other hand if you keep agreeing to it then obviously they think that you have zero problems doing this for them. I get that you're venting but it seems like you want them to read your mind, so you're venting about something that can be easily fixed just by opening your mouth.
Is your H also annoyed with losing a weekend with you in order to go feed the dog? If so, he needs to tell his folks the next time they ask that you guys are busy and they need to find another pet sitter or board the dog somewhere. If not, then your real vent is that your H keeps agreeing to look after the dog and you wish he would say no once in a while ... in which case you need to say, "Look, H, I'd like a quiet weekend at home/I'd like to go and do something on [date]. If your folks ask you to watch the dog, can you please tell them that we can't do it?"
Also, how old is the dog? If he's older, do you think your H just wants to spend some time with him before it's too late? My family dog (age 11) recently died, rather unexpectedly, and as she got older I wanted to see her more and more because I began to realize that she wouldn't be around forever.
You can feel this way.
I'd just do something about it rather than be resentful. Especially as an ongoing twice a year resentment.
my dog is like our child and we board him all of the time for weeks on end when were on vacay. we have a great boarder and dont infringe on our family.
i totally get that you dont want him in your house. i suggest that you suggest to them to ask their vet for a rec for a dog sitter-they can pay the sitter to do the same thing your DH does (if he'll ever say no) and they can be fine with it.
I can understand your frustration, Jo. It seems as though you don't mind watching IL's dog, but don't necessarily want to be their automatic go-to dog watcher either.
2 full weeks per year seems a little excessive - even if you are a dog person and truly enjoy the experience.
DH & I have 2 cats & a dog and know that taking care of each is a very different task. For cats - you put out the self waterer/self feeder & automatic litterboxes and you're done. Dogs are more of a "pack" animal and need more attention, plus there's the walking, playing & taking outside. I know that when DH & I aren't home (we're talking a quick trip to the grocery store or at work), our dog is stressed that we aren't coming back and sits by the window. The cats, on the otherhand, are sound asleep in our bed! ha
This is IL's responsibility and need not put on yours & DH's shoulders. Come to a compromise with them. Maybe 1 week is all you & DH can devote to them from now on and the other week, they are on their own finding alternate care for the dog. Vocalize to them that although you enjoy it, you can only committ to that 1 week (more or less); whatever suits the two of you.
Where's DH stance on this? If he truly loves going over to take care of the dog, then you can't take that away from him. Frustrating, yes, that his time is devoted to that, but it has to be his decision.
I just feel as though we've created a reality in which DH is okay with going up to watch the dog and now we're stuck. I want to change that.
I think it's reasonable to be annoyed at this and to bring it up with your H.
"MIL says that when they got the dog, they got it "with their kids" and therefore it's all of their responsibility."
Okay, now I'm annoyed, too.
Ditto. If MIL is still in this mindset, then she is wrong & needs a new perspective. It is not DH's (or inheritantly yours) obligation to watch DH's "childhood" pet. He is a grown, married man now w/his own responsibilities. IL's need a reality check!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ditto PPs, you have a DH problem here. We have dogs and when we go away, we board them at a kennel because we don't want to pawn our dogs off on someone else. Sure it's costly and sucks, but that's part of the responsibility of having a dog. What's wrong that your ILs cannot board this dog for the two weeks out of the year that they go away?
Why is it your responsibility to take care of this dog?
LOL! You should try a white chocolate mocha w/chocolate chips....::drools::
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
BTW, telling someone that they are being a little whiney usually isn't helpful or problem-solving oriented, and neither is assuming what my ILs do or don't do to help us out. Just sayin'.