Trouble in Paradise
ReturnOfKuus
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Is anyone else still reading the TristaGoode thread?
Re: Is anyone else still reading the TristaGoode thread?
I am, but I just don't know how to respond.
The guy is a douche, but then we'll have posters come in who say things like, "Well, people from TIP always say the guy is a douche, you just need to lose some weight and put on some lipstick and that will make it all better."
She's so fuucked up I can't really see how any perspective on reality is available to us here.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
She is so completely down on herself. She needs to fix her head first. Her body will follow.
Hopefully, a bonus side effect of all that fixing would be the realization that she deserves more out of relationship. She will never get that if she doesn't like herself and it doesn't seem like she does.
I agree with you, definitely.
Yeah, I completely agree. I don't think she's giving us an accurate view of what's going on, because she's swinging back and forth between saying her H is the greatest, most romantic man of all time, but he mocks her weight and she wants to divorce him because he called her fat.
And ex-addicts who've never had AA or NA or therapy and are miserable all the time and then there's just no time for therapy dontcha know and just don't care are not jerks?
I beg to differ.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
Maybe it's because I've dealt with this (not personally) but through my mom and dad's relationship that I have such a hard time separating douche/jerk from just caring about your health.
To make a long story short, when I was 16, my dad told my mom he wasn't attracted to her anymore and she's really never gotten over it. my dad is a health nut and my mom has always been on the chunkier side.
Anyway, maybe I'm making it too personal.
Then again, did you see in the OP when she talks about coming home from that walk and he's making fun of her because her legs hurt? That's just jerk-ish behavior.
I am still here. Trust me I know that there is something wrong with me, and I know I am lacking self esteem. I know that that is the reason I'm falling apart.
I am also a very logical person and try to see both sides of the story. My husband is upset because I am not what or who I was 3 years ago when he met me. I have gained A LOT of weight. I used to have very good self esteem. I was very confident. I felt gross before he even said anything to me. I won't even have sex with myself!
On the other hand how dare he say something like that to me. I work my butt off for my family and do everything I can do to make them happy. That isn't good enough though? Why?
He really is a wonderful person other than this gliche. I am not a teenager that thinks he is the only guy I can ever get so I'm going to let him mentally abuse me. He has every right to feel the way he does, I'm just upset that is the way he feels. I guess I don't know how to explain it.
It sounds to me like she's projecting.
She didn't feel worthy of his love from the get but at least she had a nicer body to give him in return. Now that she doesn't have that, she can't figure out why he's with her.
And this doesn't mean he isn't a jerk of some sort. It just means that even if she nailed mr perfect, she wouldn't be happy.
Click me, click me!
This is why it took me 7-8 months to file for divorce. I had some pre-work to do.
The martyr-isms she is posting about the cooking and cleaning are getting to me. Her physical appearance is likely only picked on because it is indisputable. The whole package of what's going on there has got to be hard to be around.
Honestly, this sounds like the best way to describe whats going on in my head. Now I overcompensate where I lack in the looks department by trying to be the perfect housewife. With work and my business it's hard to take care of everyone, so I put myself last. It's sad really because once the weight started piling on I could never understand why he would even want to be with someone like me.
Maybe he said it because IT FINALLY GOT THROUGH TO YOU.
As I said before, maybe he said the most caring thing in the world, completely wrongly.
It's not fair to take down the person who only articulated what you know and what you feel. Was it a jerky thing to say, sure. Will it help him get his wife back? I sure hope so.
Get your shiit together. Not having time for therapy when you so obviously need it is total bullshiit. Make the time.
I think you've just been challenged to save yourself and your marriage, good luck.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
I really don't understand your post? Me cooking and cleaning gets to you?
I'm not miserable all the time. In fact I'm the opposite. Maybe a little bitchy at times but who isn't? I had a very rough life. I have learned how to hid it very well. Your attitude is only what you make it....that only works on the outside though.
All this times 2.
You seem to be overly concerned with the difference between "inside" and "outside". And don't seem to understand that they are not completely separate from each other.
This is no different from what I have been posting the whole time. It's just condensed into one post to make it easier for people to understand. Like I said I work a 40 hour work week which I drive a total of 2 hours a day to get to and from, have my own business and a family to take care of and on top of that I'm already going to physical therapy 3 times a week. I'm not copping out. I know that it is something I need, but when?
Some of the things you said:
then they laid on the couch for an hour (husband included) while I finished unpacking and cleaned.
I may not be taking care of my appearance but I also work a full work week followed by my photography business on the weekends, as well as taking care of my husband and stepsons
I make them a nice dinner every night pack lunches and clean up after them.
On the other hand how dare he say something like that to me. I work my butt off for my family and do everything I can do to make them happy. That isn't good enough though? Why?
where I lack in the looks department by trying to be the perfect housewife. With work and my business it's hard to take care of everyone, so I put myself last
What bugs me is that contributing to the household is part of any life. How is it relevant to your original issue?
When you really want something in your schedule, you'll find the one hour or two hours a week that it takes to get started.
If you not getting help means sacrificing your family entirely, what good are nice dinners and having their lunches going to do?
"Well my stepmom was really great until she became completely depressed and then my dad left her so she's not around anymore, and we really miss her and how great she was and we loved her, and we wish she'd gotten help before she totally mentally checked out on our dad, but WOW she made GREAT sandwiches!"
Really? I am fairly certain that a happy and healthy mom trumps a nice brown bag lunch.
Don't you see what you're doing here? All of those motions that you're going through to be a great wife and mother are just MOTIONS. It's all bullshiit if you're not really there in your head. It's an easy coverup for you to just ignore things that you know you need to do.
I know I need intense therapy, but then WHAT WILL EVERYONE EAT FOR LUNCH??!
It's easier to get wrapped up in the motions of being a good family member than to actually become a better family member to your family, but only for so long.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
No, no, no. She specifically states that he does "a lot of the household chores...he is a hard worker"
She is whining so much in these few posts I cannot imagine what she would be like in real life.
Truth is, we know much, much more about the OP (regardless of the truth of the posts) than we do the H.