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Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

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How do you respond?

GirlinLimboGirlinLimbo
in Starting Over

When you know a marriage is over, when you know you've done everything you can, and when you know your decision is final...

and you're husband, who is great in so many ways, but not great for you, says, "I am going to change myself. I am not going down without a fight." 

I want to be nice, but I have been fighting for this marriage for ten years. The time to wake up and smell the coffee was years ago.

I want a nice reply to this that won't kill him inside, but that will let him know that the gig is up.

 

:( 

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Re: How do you respond?

  • ButternutSquashButternutSquash

    I have been fighting for this marriage for ten years. The time to wake up and smell the coffee was years ago. The jig is up.

     There may not be a better way to say it.

    image
    Report Reply
  • stoneylovestoneylove
    imageButternutSquash:

    I have been fighting for this marriage for ten years. The time to wake up and smell the coffee was years ago. The jig is up.

     There may not be a better way to say it.

    This.

    Holiday
    Report Reply
  • gwencortopassigwencortopassi member
    Sixth Anniversary
    If you find the answer to this, please let me know.
    "The only true currency in this bankrupt world... is what you share with someone else when you're uncool." -Lester Banks, Almost Famous
    Report Reply
  • cutter21cutter21
    Sometimes, trying to be nice isn't going to get your point across. My ex did the same thing and I tried to let him down easy that there was nothing he could do to save the marriage and it made him clingy and desperate. When I was honest and blunt about being done, he got the point and it made the process easier. I agree with the pp's- telling him you've been fighting for the marriage for so long and it's too late would be a good start!
    Report Reply
  • pbearpbear

    In my case it was: Actions speak louder than words

    image
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  • silly.goosesilly.goose
    Honestly, there may not be a nice way to do it.  If you want the relationship to be over, someone has to be the one to do the breaking.  It may make you feel like the bad guy, but it also may be what you need to do for you. 
    Report Reply
  • OnlyaFoolOnlyaFool

    imagecutter21:
    Sometimes, trying to be nice isn't going to get your point across. My ex did the same thing and I tried to let him down easy that there was nothing he could do to save the marriage and it made him clingy and desperate. When I was honest and blunt about being done, he got the point and it made the process easier.

    This.

    And also -- I moved out and started the divorce paperwork. There aren't much better signals than that.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • kgettingmarriedkgettingmarried
    imagestoneylove:
    imageButternutSquash:

    I have been fighting for this marriage for ten years. The time to wake up and smell the coffee was years ago. The jig is up.

     There may not be a better way to say it.

    This.

     

    Also, this. 

    Report Reply
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