How long to date before second marriage?

gioia di vivere · November 2011

PrettyInPearls23:
HeavenlyExcitedBride:
PrettyInPearls23:

I think the second time around we're more aware of those voices that tell us "Hey, dummy, this isn't right!!". If we've learned the right lessons from our failed marriages and taken the proper time to heal, we're more inclined to make the right choice the second time around.

We are definetly more aware but no relationships is guanteed.

I never said the relationship was a guarantee. My point was that for those of us who married the wrong man the first time around (and knew it was the wrong person) are more inclined to make a better decision the 2nd time around. Obviously there are other factors that come into play that are beyond our control.

It's interesting that you say this, because second (and third and fourth) marriages have a much higher rate of divorce. The statistics don't really support the claim that you'll be a "better picker" the next time around--not that it can't be true in individual cases, of course.

I think some people think "well, I went through X, Y,Z so I have grown" when X,Y, and Z (on their own) don't necessarily lead to any growth. Reflection, asking the hard questions, discovering the patterns in your life, understanding your role in creating those patterns, and implementing change to avoid falling into old habits--that leads to growth.

becwheat · November 2011

FormerlyAK:

I'll bite.

BF and I have been together a year and are moving in together in Feb (that will be a year and 4 months). We have talked about getting married. We know it will happen. We know what the ceremony will be like and what the reception will be like (we just want a simple dinner party -- no big hoopla). But we aren't engaged yet and it will probably be another year or so before that happens.

We both want a child together and I made it clear that my shop closes up when I turn 40 ... so that's my timeline for marriage and baby (I'm 36 now). He knows the timeline and thinks it is good.

All that to say, I don't think there is a cut and dry answer. It just has to be a timeline that you are both comfortable with. And if both parties make their wants and needs clear and are honest, you will know what is best for you.

Exactly! You have to put your cards on the table and make sure you are both on the same page. No matter what your plan is.

kgettingmarried · November 2011

beccaga16:
My rule for myself is at LEAST dating a year before and engagement and no more than 2 years without an engagement or talk of engagement.

Is it set in stone? No, but this is what I feel the most comfortable with and would not deviate much either way most likely.

This was how I felt. DH and I dated for 2 years before getting engaged, we got engaged and eloped in the spring of this year and will have our 3rd dating anniversary this winter. I didn't want to be in a dead end relationship, so I made sure we spent a lot of time discussing our goals and values before we decided to date. We got to know each other for 2 months before dating to make sure we were a good match, and because of that I felt comfortable dating for 2 years and then getting engaged.

How long to date before second marriage?

Re: How long to date before second marriage?

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