Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Bad first impression.
p&p can clean a bathroom but we all know I'm a slave driver. lol
In any case, the more Trista types, the less the details don't matter. I wanna know what her childhood was like. Because honestly, this girl has done nothing but set herself up for mistreatment and dismissal by the people around her. She seems to crave negative attention, seeks out people who are likely to indulge her, and then ascribe negativity to them when they haven't been as negative to her as she feels she deserves.
I found her H's response to her whole "I'm not going to kill myself" speech douchey. But honestly, it didn't sound like she had any intention of helping herself in anyway at all.
DTMFA and don't you dare find another boyfriend, fuukpiece, or anything else until you've been in some intensive therapy for a good long while.
Click me, click me!
It's because in no way am I not saying that I don't have emotional baggage. I do.I have lots and lots of it. I've pushed through my childhood where the problems weren't my fault now I'm trying to get through the parts that were my fault. I don't see where going to someone who is going to tell me things I already know is going to help. It was in the past I need to let it go because I cannot change it. I know this sounds weird, but even though I beat myself up about the past I wouldn't change it.
Again, yesterday was a bad day. The makeover thing was more of a pity me comment.
The mocking thing still pisses me off, there is no getting over that one. He did however apologize for the comment he made about biking, once again he was just being a *** face.
And well, they're Pinky and Pete. That alone gives them superhuman abilities.
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi#general
I really wonder if yesterday was a bad day for you, or if it was just Wednesday.
You've been rocking this self esteem thing for years, I bet.
I don't know why, do I have to enable it?
You know, I think this is kind of where I'm at. The language/attitude seems to be from one extreme to the next. Which kind of makes me think there's a fair bit of hyberbole and hysteria all mixed in together.
No... It was on my end. Stupid work computer blocked it. I finally was able to send you one. PLEASE read.
Never just pick up after the kids because you don't want an argument. You know what will happen? They will learn that everytime they do a chore wrong, mom will come and do it for them and they will be off the hook.
They know how to pick their underwear up off of the bathroom floor. They just rather you do it...and you do!
My kid leaves her socks all over the house.
Trista - please see my second PM.
You would benefit from a good therapist.
Make time to see one.
My husband, though concerned for my health did not put it like that when we originally spoke.
I really think you need to read through everything I actually said instead of making an uninformed comment. I did not gt through this by calling my H a ***.....he called himself a *** about certain things. I am planning on working on losing weight, but I am not going to stay up until 2am to exercise and starve myself to do it.
As if is any of your business I also decided to go off birth control completely. My husband doesn't make me want to not exercise, he makes me not want to exercise with him. As I mentioned several times, I don't really complain, and he admitted to him being wrong for saying that. I'm not the busiest person in the world but I'm pretty effing busy, especially for something I'm not even sure I want or need. I said I don't have the resources that other people have mentioned I should have.
I hope that clears things up for you.
You were the one talking about birth control, so you made it everyone's business. People were trying to give you options that might help with the weight gain associated with the type of BC you're on. It's always good to look into other options if the one you are on is not working for you.
Losing weight doesn't take working out until 2:00 a.m. and starving yourself. I gave you a suggestion in the other thread, but of course you don't want to take anyone's advice, so you read right over it.
You ask for advice, put all of this info out there and then tell us how wrong we are and mean and such because it's pity party time for Trista. You need a lot to change but are unwilling to change anything. You are the queen of blaming others for your problems. I'm am only going off of what you posted and that's the impression I'm getting from you.
I'm sorry, this is all I'm hearing -
OP: My husband told me I'm fat and ugly and mocks me and makes me feel on the outside like the horrible person I am on in the inside.
TIP: Well then drop his ass. What a douchecanoe. Also, get some therapy for your self esteem issues.
OP: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH MY HUSBAND IS A SAINT! He treats me like I crap gold and piss unicorn tears! It was just this one thing!
TIP:.....okay, well then, I guess you should still get some therapy to figure out why you feel so bad about yourself.
OP: ZOMG I can't. I have to take care of the children, clean the house, work, come up with a cure for cancer and finish my work on viable time travel. You guys just don't understand how stressful my life is.
TIP: Well then I don't know what you want me to do, have your husband help out more? Try to look at things from his perspective a little?
OP: I would but he's so horrible and now I don't want to have sex with him anymore because did I mention how he told me I'm not attractive to him anymore. Did I mention that? That he no longer finds me attractive?
TIP:.....*headdeskexplosion*
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi#general
And then you continue the rest of it...
OP: Well, I talked to him about the one comment he made. We're good.
TIP:....and what about the rest? about the major self-esteem issues? about not having time for yourself? about him mocking your attempts to actually be active?
OP: I was just having a bad day yesterday.
TIP: So none of that is true?
OP: It's true, it's just not important. The first fight is always the worst and this was our first. I'm fine. But I want to be here so I can get good advice to ignore in the future
TIP: *KABOOM!*
The childhood background? If that is what you want here it is.
My mom and her husband were heavy into drugs to the point where we had guns in the house for protection. I watched him beat the living snot out of her whenever he felt the reason was good (slammed her face in the hatchback of a Cheviot, drug her down 3 flights of stairs by her hair, put guns to her head kind of beatings.) This man also burnt down two of our houses. I was the oldest so I always had to clean up the blood.
We were on welfare, big surprise huh? I mean what kind of welfare recipient does drugs. Well instead of spending it on food they sold the stamps for drugs. We ate a lot of cereal and water. Well being they did drugs all the time I took care of my brother, sister and self most of the time. And being poor meant lots of evictions from homes. Moving around a lot meant never making friends. It also meant we had to drive further for drugs which meant we missed a lot of school.
My mom eventually tried to leave him he stood outside our grandparents home with a gun and threatened to kill us all. She ended up getting back together with him and he continued to beat her while I continued to be mother and he threw my kittens in a fan with metal blades because I choose to help my mom take care of her broken nose instead of leave her alone.
Don't worry, there is a happy ending. They both went to prison when I was nine him for arson and murder, and her for being there and not doing anything to stop it. You see her husband burnt down the house of a crack dealer that sold him bad stuff. The man had left but his kids were still home. A little one crawled under a bed and died.
We went to live with our grandparents. My grandmother was a be seen not heard type of person, and my grandpa was always working. Not to eventful there just a lot of reading during that time.
When I was 13 my mom got out and we went to live with her. She was a bigger mess than before she went in. The only difference was that she didn't do the hard drugs anymore and she didn't have a husband, just douchey BF one after another. Druggies, alchies, cheaters, liars, and best of all my friends boyfriends. She wasn't a mom anymore or ever, she just tried to be a friend and let us have parties and drink, smoke and swear. Basically we did what we wanted to do. She was in an out of jail a couple times throughout this time. When I was 15 I actually had to live on my own because she was in jail and I couldn't stomach switching schools again (I'd already done that about 13 times). And then I got a shocking call from a guy who thought he was my dad and wanted to get a blood test. On my 16th birthday I found out who my real father was. He happens to be a wonderful person.
I think that about sums up that part of my childhood story. It doesn't really bother me to much though anymore. I don't really talk to my mom anymore and I have a great relationship with my dad.
Hol.y.sh*t.
Trista, you need therapy. Seriously. With everything you've gone through . . . I don't even know where to start.
Your childhood might not really both you any more, but it certainly affects how you interact with others and how you judge your own self-worth.
Please, please, if you ignore everything else in these posts, get some therapy.
I thought you had a stepfather who died. He died right after you met your husband and you were all 'hysterical' about his death.
I really can truly understand where you are all coming from. I am listening to what everyone is saying and taking everything into consideration. I'm even giving thought to therapy. You guys are all like OMG you need it NOW. Well I can't do it now. My H an I even talked about going together. Now is just not a good time.
Trust me, I am as confused about this as everyone else is.
I think a lot of the problem here is everyone is reading bits an pieces of posts then posting like they are experts. Then others are reading their posts and making comments based off of those posts.
I guess that is just the joys of being the new person in the forums. None of you know the back story on what has really been going on for the past three years. If I would have came in saying my husband is awesome for the past 3 years, the whole convo would have taken a totally different turn.
Believe me, I've read through everything.
Your husband seems to be resorting to shocking you into reality. You say this has been brought up before; my guess is that you haven't done anything about it and thus it has festered in his mind until this last blowup, which was insensitive of him; however, I sense he's incredibly frustrated with your total apathy.
Your ideas about weight loss are hyperbolic in the extreme. Nobody -- not a single person -- suggested "starving yourself" or "staying up until 2am." It doesn't take that. It takes effort. Any effort. Not just "i'll think about it" or "I'm planning for it." It doesn't take planning. You just do it.
You say it's not that you don't want to exercise -- do you? Do you go running, or go for walks, or do anything that counts as cardio? My guess is that you use your husband's feelings as an excuse to spitefully and deliberately avoid exercise. ("Well, if you're going to make fun of me / b!tch about me complaining, then I just won't do it at all. Happy?")
In these posts you're very defensive; I can only imagine you're the same way at home IRL. You are not a victim of circumstances beyond your control.
I work 40 hours a week, have a husband, a house and a six-year-old. I make it to the gym at least four times a week. It's not hard to find a spare hour somewhere.
Updated September 2012.
I did have a stepfather. For 5 years I had one. I was was hysterical about his death because my mom was finally stable. He was a "good" guy didn't hit her or anything. The mourning ended quickly when she started sleeping with a guy my age 2 weeks later.
You have to make the time. You are making yourself the last priority in your life. You're making your husband, your step-kids, your chores, your job, your photography business, and everything else more important than taking care of yourself.
Everyone's busy, and everyone feels overwhelmed at times. But you have to make the time to take care of yourself; just like you manage to find time for your doctor's appointments, you need to make time for therapy.
I had something typed, but what's the point. You don't want to fix anything, you just want to complain and feel sorry for yourself.
Now is not a good time? Now is the best time!
Stop with the excuses!
/dead
dup
It isn't that I have never tried anything to lose the weight. I have been trying. I have done nutrisystem, visalus, flat belly diet for diets. I exercise on my own with the Wii. I have all of the Just Dance games that I love to do. The weight just comes off very slowly and will jump back on very quickly. I lost 12lbs before the wedding and it's all back after 1 week in the hospital. I had 5 ulcers and the only thing I could eat without severe acid reflux and major pain was shakes with carnation instant breakfast mixed in.
I will admit that I do get very defensive easy.
I work a 60 hour work week MINIMUM. I have a husband and 2 boys, both need help with homework, a house (that needs to be unpacked still), on top of dr. appointments and PT. So yes it really is hard to come up with an hour and if I could come up with an hour I would use it to take a nice hot bath.
I am not saying anyone told me to be anorexic or to exercise until 2am. I am saying that on a good night I get to bed at 12.....MAYBE. In order to fit in the time I need to go to the gym I would have to stay up that late. I told him that I am going to try but I am not going to kill myself to lose the weight.