Trouble in Paradise
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Bad first impression.
Yep, this is why I'm sticking a fork in me.
For Cereal, the issues are bigger than prayer and TIP. But you can't give a *good* reason (plenty of 'it's not enough of a priority' excuses) for not going to get yourself the help that you are almost acknowledging you need...so, really, what's the point?
We'll give good advice and you'll find a reason to defensively say you can't do it.
I'm sorry your life has been crap--that's a lot of baggage. But I also don't see what good posting here will do when you are ignoring the clear starting point to improve things.
I'm hardcore loving LHC right now.
That's all I've got.
I'm not I just said that my H and I talked about going. By not right NOW I mean in a week or 2 just not right NOW. I doubt that we will be able to afford one. That is my biggest fear.
But if it was really important to you, you'd make it a priority. Find a therapist near your office and go during your lunch break. Turn down some of your photography clients and make time. Ask your H to work on the kids' homework. Or find a therapist that makes Saturday appointments.
Nothing is going to change if you keep making excuses. I'd also bet that the weight isn't going to come off until you deal with the emotional baggage.
If money is a problem, look into your health insurance; some plans will cover therapy. Or find a therapist who offers a sliding scale for payments. Or approach your local university and see if they offer therapy.
Stop making excuses when you haven't even investigated the options.
That is easier said than done. How many people do you know that can afford to lose hours?
How many people can afford to have a breakdown and ignore their health?
Do you or your DH have an EAP through work? either of you?
taht's the (FREE and confidential) way to start figuring out how to get a therapist
Tell your husband you're going to the gym. Leave and go to the gym. "I'll be back in an hour, honey." Something tells me he would not prevent you from going. Or go walk three miles on your lunch break at work. Or have your boys ride their bikes beside you as you jog. There are six million ways to get exercise in.
STOP DIETING. Just eat less and don't eat anything after dinner.
And find time for therapy. There are a lot of low-cost options if you look. Don't just give up because it's not easy. You have a lot to work through.
You really are full of excuses, and it's unfortunate. Your husband came out with something really unpleasant and hurtful, but I absolutely see where it came from. Your obstinate refusal to do anything to help yourself is extremely frustrating.
Updated September 2012.
It's tough, I get it. But something has to give.
Your first priority, and your most important asset, should be your ability to function so that you can work.
And that includes your mental health.
What is EAP
I love people who go "I had a shttastic childhood, but I'm totes over it!" and then proceed to bring it up as a reason for every issue they have.
You're obviously not over it. Get help.
And I was totally happy to listen to you until you started getting defensive. Wrong place to do that. You're pretty much going to be written off now as someone who just wants to b1tch and doesn't actually want any help. Good job!
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
I need an old priest and a young priest...
Oy.
Employee Assistance Plan.
A LOT of employers hav ethem. They're INCREDIBLY under-advertised by employers and under-used by employees.
Find your benefits package from when you first hired in and look for things w/ names like 'helpnet' or "new frontiers" or the like
I never brought up my childhood as a reason for every issue I have. I am over my CHILDHOOD. It's my early 20's I'm not over just yet. I pushed through all of my childhood issues, and planned to do the same with the issues from my early 20's.
How am I just bitching and not wanting help? Just because it isn't the exact timeline that you suggest I get the help in? So basically I'm written off because I don't agree 100% with what everyone is saying. There have been plenty of people that have given good advice as well as people that have given advice that I don't agree with.
Honestly, I really don't give a rats ass if you choose to "write me off" because honestly, who are you to me?
I will check on my husbands insurance. He might have it. If not I will see if the one my work offers has it, if so I will switch over to mine.
Everyone else is the problem and just doesn't understand.
::eye roll::
Good luck with that.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Basically, I don't care what you think. Wern't you just talking about oh get help get help get help? Now I say I'm going to look into it and you are going to mock me. Awesome.
I never said that either. I will say however that everything you even said in your last post is wrong. Maybe take the time to read instead of just taking the time to make bitchy comments.
Agree 100%. All of this seems like a waste of time if OP isn't willing to help herself.
It's amazing how you don't give a shyt what any of us have to say, we're nothing to you... yet here you sit, writing post after post trying to give us a more favorable impression of you and have a comment to every single thing said.
If you don't care, them why are you here?
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
You know what? Clearly you don't want help. You just want us to pity poor, unkempt Trista who's husband isn't attracted to her and who's step-kids are little liars. Who has no time for therapy or exercise.
Stop making excuses.
You keep saying you're over your childhood.
Locking things up and throwing away the key doesn't get you over them.
You hit a crisis and that door gets thrown wide open. Not only do you have to deal with the current crisis, you have to deal with the issues you ignored in the first place.
Sounds to me like that's happening now...
THE EAP is separate from insurance.
But it's usually included in the full benefits package from your employer. If you'er not sure, call HR.
This was my thought, too.
You came on here and laid out your life for everyone.
TIP said "Your H is a douchebag for saying what he did."
You said "No, he's awesome, just said the wrong thing." And then proceeded to reveal more about what happened and your backstory.
TIP said "Then you are the problem, get therapy."
You said "I don't have time, money, I'm too busy, [insert excuses here].
Now you've made multiple posts and gotten progressively more defensive when people are basically asking what the hell you want us to say to you, when every suggestion or bit of advice is shot down either with an excuse or a "poor me" pity party.
Yes, you are depressed. You tried to play that off in the OP of this thread. Letting yourself go, being overwhelmed all the time, not getting enough sleep, being hotheaded...many of these things are signs of depression. In the 2nd post, I notice you completely ignored my post to you. I told you what my schedule is like - as busy if not more so than you, yet I still make time to make sure my physical health and mental health are taken care of. Until you get your mental health in order, you're going to be hard-pressed to get the rest of your life in order, since you will make excuses for everything in your life. You need to have a neutral third party help you out. There is no excuse that is possibly valid when it comes to your health. I would imagine you get lunch breaks - if you say you don't, I won't believe you, since it's really not even legal to have someone working 60 hour weeks not eating. I use my lunch breaks for office visits, there's no reason you can't. Other posters have suggested EAP programs, sliding scale therapists, etc., if money is an issue.
You've thrown out, in so many words, the "You don't know my LYFE!11!!!!11!!!" (which, believe me, is something these boards see a lot), but what no one ever realizes when they say that is that anyone who comments is only going by the information the OP has given. People gave advice/suggestions/comments based on what you said. So while, no, we don't know your ENTIRE history, your husband, or your stepkids, the advice you were given was based on what you said. And honestly, you can keep telling yourself you've "gotten over" your childhood, but really, I don't think so. What you described is something that no one just "gets over" without the help of therapy.
So what's it going to be? Are you going to get the mental help you need? Or keep making excuses and feeling sorry for yourself? Don't throw the "I dont' have time/money" back at me cause honey, if I can do it, so can you.
Sadly, you don't even disagree with me. You know you won't get help. By the way, you have spent at least as much time posting as it takes to do therapy once a week! (So have I but the difference is I set up a support system for myself.)